Gap in proceedings on Wedding Day

edited 28 July 2015 at 11:16PM in Weddings & Anniversaries
36 replies 5.1K views
inkieinkie Forumite
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edited 28 July 2015 at 11:16PM in Weddings & Anniversaries
My DD and her fianc! are recently engaged and starting to plan for wedding - looking at Spring.

Everyone is going to have to travel to wedding and one of the options they are thinking about is as follows:

Church ceremony earlier in day (all guests)

Private dining over lunch (family & close friends only)
5-6pm main evening buffet style reception (all guests)

Part of the reason for the quiet meal is that it will give my DD time to 'recover', and prevent her from prolonged standing - she has problems with her legs and is in pain if standing for long periods.

We are paying for the wedding, and this was first I heard about these plans yesterday. I do not feel comfortable with the 'hanging around' of guests waiting for the reception in the eve - but they are planning to put together an information sheet of things to do in the local area etc.
thankfully everything will be held in the town and within walking distance.

Has anyone been to a similar set up? Did it work? Any thoughts or observations?
TIA Inkie


  • lika_86lika_86 Forumite
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    That's a long time for guests to wait. They'll have to go off and find food but even the laziest lunch will only take two hours. What are you all doing for five hours or so? Presumably lunch won't take that long.

    Even if they are planning an information sheet on things to do, how many will be suitable for guests dressed up in their wedding finery? I wouldn't want to walk around the local museum or town all tarted up.
  • ArmoricaArmorica Forumite
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    If people are planning to stay over, then it provides time for people to check in to hotels and freshen up. But even so it's quite a long, awkward gap.

    Is it a particularly nice town? (Some somewhere like Chester, I can see people wanting to wander around...some other towns, not quite so much...)
  • mum2onemum2one Forumite
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    to be honest it seems to much of a gap, I've been invitied to a wedding with my dd (next summer), the wedding is a civil ceremony and reception in same venue, the wedding midday, and follow straight throu to the day meal, then evening at same venue... my guessing it will all be over by 4pm, theres no where to wait at the venue...

    the venue is closer for the bride and groom, for us, I'm about 30 min drive, family members etc are about 1 1/4 hrs away.... theres already questions about where to hang around in the afternoon... If were worryin about 3 hrs, then ur guests with that wait, wont be a good idea.

    You say your daughter has health issues, surely friends/family know that and understand, so if the meal was straight after for everyone, they would understand if she needed to sit down more than/earlier than others in the party...

    Good luck x
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • edited 27 July 2015 at 1:39PM
    inkieinkie Forumite
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    edited 27 July 2015 at 1:39PM
    Thanks for replies.
    I can see where they are coming from in terms of giving my daughter a break. What does not sit right with me is that only the 'chosen few' will be going for the hotel meal, and rest ceremony and reception in evening.

    I thought the initial plans would be ceremony (late in day), afternoon tea reception at the place where he works - wouldn't be available until at least 5pm due to normal opening times, and then private meal at hotel for immediate family only later in evening.

    Seems that not the case now!
  • kazwookiekazwookie Forumite
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    I would suggest you have a family type meeting both side of the family and sort out ££ budget and stick to it.

    Can the wedding be later say 1pm then into family only meal,2pm to 4pm then into the evening event 4pm to close for all?

    What size are they planning for the family meal, because if it is being extended to extra folk, where are they all going to sit etc.

    What does your daughter and future husband want,?

    If you are paying I would suggest that mother in law to be does not really get a say over numbers and who does what when, harsh but to me true.

    Good luck with it all............
    :) Sun, Sea :)

  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    It sounds to me that they think it's a good idea!

    It was dropped in casually on the back of another conversation, but as a fait a complis, and my concerns dismissed by them.
    The wedding could take place later, but the reception venue for the evening cannot be made available earlier due to the having to close and then set back up.
    I am really not happy about it, but have told them that if its what they want we will go with it, but I am not taking any responsibility for confusion/grumblings!
    I am at the point of not wanting our names in the invitations (ie brides parents traditionally invite), and saying to them that they can put their own names on!!
  • daividdaivid Forumite
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    Agreed it depends somewhat on the attractiveness of the town. The one plus however is with the long gap people living or staying nearby have time to change if they want, do something for a few hours then get ready for the evening. A gap of less could be more awkward e.g. 2 hours - too long to just mill around, not long enough to actually do something. With plenty of warning for the guests I think it could be ok.
  • mandragora_2mandragora_2 Forumite
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    Don't spoil it for yourself or your daughter by fretting about things you have no control over. Presumably you've set an upper limit for the budget you're happy to contribute. Set that amount of money aside, and, as you've had your say, try to think no more of it. Smile. Be happy. Let them get on with it. Enjoy the day. Don't listen to any grumbles from anyone else in the family. Don't do anything petty like asking for your name to be removed from the invites. Smile. Be happy. Enjoy the day.
    Reason for edit? Can spell, can't type!
  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    The thing is, everyone (apart from themselves and uni friends) will be making a 5/6 hour journey, and will have to stay for 2 nights, and a lot of these people will be given the message: 'sorry you didn't make the cut for the lunchtime meal'.

    I think one compromise may be that the meal is strictly family only - ie no friends at all. Makes it fairer.
  • inkieinkie Forumite
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    I would not want to go to a wedding with those arrangements myself, and so feel very uncomfortable expecting others to do the same.

    I also feel hurt that it was presented as a done deal, with no consultation - I know that it's ultimately their decision, but as hosts, I would have expected a bit of dialogue rather than them having their heads together and sorting stuff out and not being included in that.
    We'll just keep writing the cheques!!
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