Have I right to ask the ex to meet the girlfriend

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • neverdespairgirlneverdespairgirl Forumite
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    I have a real issue with you referring to your child as "my son"

    Don't. It's a completely normal way of talking - I talk about "my son", and "my mother" even though I'm happily with his father and I have other siblings who share our mother. It's just a linguistic shorthand.
    ...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.
  • TalukdarTalukdar Forumite
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    You haven't mention about your son's age. If he is old enough then let him take the decision. Otherwise don't let him go.
  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
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    OP, did you say how old your son is (sorry if you did and I missed it). I do feel for you, when my ex took my kids away for just a couple of days with his girlfriend after being nothing more than a week-end babysitter, it made my blood pressure go up especially as I never totally trusted him with security. Like you, my first thought was her and what bad influence she possibly could have on my kids. However, I knew how I felt was a reflection of my own protectiveness over my children then real concerns over them and putting my feelings aside, it was a good thing for my children to finally be spending a bit more exciting time with them.

    So kept quiet and said I was pleased he was taking them and just asked if he'd mind texting me after he got there (his driving was my biggest concern) and he said of course. I spoke with them both days and it was clear they were having a great time. After this, I was able to relax.

    Ironically, as it turned out, I grew to prefer her to be around as she is more sensible than he is, and more ironically, I actually felt cross when a year later, they decided to go on holiday abroad for the first time with her kids without my two. Although I would have been a bit anxious, it would have been nothing compared to dealing with my kids' disappointment.

    It is so hard to let your children go and you will experience the same the first time you leave your son home alone, or out on his own, but these are steps you need to let them take for their own benefits. It gets much easier each time they do it for the first time and you know that it is all ok.
  • SandCSandC Forumite
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    I'll post this as someone who doesn't have children. If I had met someone and we wanted to take his son away on holiday with us then I would happily meet the ex so that she knew who was going to be spending all that time with them. In fact I'd more than likely bring the subject up myself.

    Has nobody considered that a short meeting might help to allay OP's fears about her ex and his relationship with his son? It's not necessarily about not trusting the new woman in his life but trusting the ex who thus far has shown no interest in taking his boy on holiday until this lady turned up.

    People are very quick to only see the negative in why people ask for advice on here.
  • catkinscatkins Forumite
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    I am another poster who does not have children but I am pretty sure if I did I would want to meet the girlfriend that a child of mine was going to be with for a week.


    Also if I were the girlfriend I would not be surprised or put out if the ex wife wanted to meet me.
    The world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie
  • pimentopimento Forumite
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    He is the child's father as much as you are his mother. Relax.
    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    pimento wrote: »
    He is the child's father as much as you are his mother.

    That doesn't mean he's automatically a responsible parent.
  • welshone1welshone1 Forumite
    131 Posts
    I'm not a Troll i am a mum who worries about her children, i m glad that certain people have perfect lives. But thingsare not always black & white and thank you to the the positive reponse from some posters and understanding where im going with this.
  • pimentopimento Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    That doesn't mean he's automatically a responsible parent.

    Understood but the court has deemed her ex OK to have unsupervised access and I bet if the boot were on the other foot and the OP wanted to take their son abroad with her new boyfriend, she would be on here moaning about it if the child's father had asked to meet him first.
    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    pimento wrote: »
    Understood but the court has deemed her ex OK to have unsupervised access and I bet if the boot were on the other foot and the OP wanted to take their son abroad with her new boyfriend, she would be on here moaning about it if the child's father had asked to meet him first.

    To me, there's a big difference between a one-night stay-over locally and a week abroad. If he could take the lad away somewhere in this country for a two/three night break and all goes well, maybe the next step could be a holiday abroad.

    I would give the same answer if it was the scenario you describe, especially if the mother was only having the child for one night stays.
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