Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 12:26PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • zzzLazyDaisyzzzLazyDaisy Forumite
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    One joint account holder cannot put the account into a single name (of either party) without the other's consent. But provided the account is in credit, either joint account holder can close the account on just one signature.

    I suggest that you transfer everything to your own account, empty the joint account, close it, and tell her that you will pay an amount into her sole account until things are sorted out. If she doesn't have a sole account she will have to sort one out.

    It is foolish to leave the joint account as it is, because she can empty it and/or run up an overdraft, and the bank can pursue either of you for the full amount.

    Re your earlier comments about wanting to come to an amicable agreement over the divorce without involving lawyers - that was probably never going to happen - she will almost certainly instruct lawyers to make sure she gets the best financial deal, which in reality means that you will need to do the same. But in any event, where one part is a high earner and there are other assets such as property, the court will often direct the parties to seek legal advice before continuing (even on an amicable settlement, a consent order should be laid before the court for approval to formalise the agreement, as otherwise either party can come back later for a second bite of the cherry as informal agreements are not legally binding unless sealed by the court)
    I'm a retired employment solicitor. Hopefully some of my comments might be useful, but they are only my opinion and not intended as legal advice.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    One joint account holder cannot put the account into a single name (of either party) without the other's consent. But provided the account is in credit, either joint account holder can close the account on just one signature.

    I suggest that you transfer everything to your own account, empty the joint account, close it, and tell her that you will pay an amount into her sole account until things are sorted out. If she doesn't have a sole account she will have to sort one out.

    It is foolish to leave the joint account as it is, because she can empty it and/or run up an overdraft, and the bank can pursue either of you for the full amount.

    Re your earlier comments about wanting to come to an amicable agreement over the divorce without involving lawyers - that was probably never going to happen - she will almost certainly instruct lawyers to make sure she gets the best financial deal, which in reality means that you will need to do the same. But in any event, where one part is a high earner and there are other assets such as property, the court will often direct the parties to seek legal advice before continuing (even on an amicable settlement, a consent order should be laid before the court for approval to formalise the agreement, as otherwise either party can come back later for a second bite of the cherry as informal agreements are not legally binding unless sealed by the court)

    Thanks, got appointment with solicitor next friday.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • sharp910shsharp910sh Forumite
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    How much do you earn? It sounds like you are giving her all? Just give her 20% of your salary and thats all. Nothing more nothing less. None of this extra money bullcrap. Tell her to get a job or claim benefits like everyone else. Does she think this is a free for all? She is walking over you my friend. And she wants more than 50% of the house. jesus!!
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    sharp910sh wrote: »
    How much do you earn? It sounds like you are giving her all? Just give her 20% of your salary and thats all. Nothing more nothing less. None of this extra money bullcrap. Tell her to get a job or claim benefits like everyone else. Does she think this is a free for all? She is walking over you my friend. And she wants more than 50% of the house. jesus!!

    You are right she is and I'm too soft as feeling guilty especially as the kids don't want to know me as they think I've abandon them and she'll take great delight in telling them that I'm not continuing to support them in the luxury they've been used to. I've been trying to be reasonable for this transitional period and basically provide a reasonable amount 40% of income until she's other income in place but it's back firing as I've not enough left to get somewhere to live myself (currently renting room in a house). So that's why I need to use the tougher approach that a solicitor will give me as I'm too soft. The thing is they hate me my names mud in the family, they're all saying that I've abandoned them and don't care etc leaving them with less money and now he wants to just give them a small portion etc So I'm being hung I may as well do the crime...

    House on the market today, next change utilities to her name as she'll be there for next 3 months at least and sort the joint account. Don't think she's that bothered about selling as made no real effort for house to look nice before pictures were taken. She wouldn't let me back home last weekend when they were away (found out too late) to work on the garden so that would look better in the pictures. So today I asked if she'd like me to come and clean the oven as that's well overdue and gives a bad impression. She told me to grow up! This is all in text as she refuses to talk or see me. I just think she's playing at selling to string things out as she knows probably won't sell especially if she makes no effort to make the best of things. So the time has come well is overdue...
    Regards

    JackRS
  • daman2kdaman2k Forumite
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    You don't need her permission to go in your house. Furthermore she's got it sweet ain't she? Your paying all her bills then giving her £1000 as spending money.
    As has been said give her 20% and tell her to get a job.
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    jack

    Unless she has an order excluding you from the property, whilst your name is on the deeds, you have the right to enter the house.

    However, I think that people may be underestimating the likely outcome of the financial settlement. If she has not been working as she was rainign children and there is a major difference in earning potential, she may be entitled to short-term spousal maintenance to allow her to retrain for the job market as well as support for the younger child.

    She is also likely to get more than half the house (if she did not want to move then possibly half when the youngest left school) and a portion of your pension fund. You may want to think about whether you would trade equity for pension?

    A lawyer will help based on your particular circumstances but do not get into a barney on the assumption that the split is 50:50 and 15% of the take home pay as child maintenance (assuming the elder child has completed A Levels ort equivalent).

    It is actually to her advantage to divorce whilst the younger child is still in secondary education.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • edited 10 May 2013 at 8:22PM
    JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    edited 10 May 2013 at 8:22PM
    ?
    daman2k wrote: »
    You don't need her permission to go in your house. Furthermore she's got it sweet ain't she? Your paying all her bills then giving her £1000 as spending money.
    As has been said give her 20% and tell her to get a job.

    Yeah I know but I was trying to respect their wishes not to see me but they went away for the weekend to see family so if I'd known I could have gone back for the weekend and got some stuff done.

    Yeah she's probably been coached on how to play a blinder, taken advantage of my kind nature and guilt. As I'm living out of a suitcase in a room for last 4 months I can't bring much of my stuff so if I annoy her I fear she'll have a bonfire on the front lawn of my possessions, or does that only happen in films?
    Regards

    JackRS
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    RAS wrote: »
    jack

    Unless she has an order excluding you from the property, whilst your name is on the deeds, you have the right to enter the house.

    However, I think that people may be underestimating the likely outcome of the financial settlement. If she has not been working as she was rainign children and there is a major difference in earning potential, she may be entitled to short-term spousal maintenance to allow her to retrain for the job market as well as support for the younger child.

    She is also likely to get more than half the house (if she did not want to move then possibly half when the youngest left school) and a portion of your pension fund. You may want to think about whether you would trade equity for pension?

    A lawyer will help based on your particular circumstances but do not get into a barney on the assumption that the split is 50:50 and 15% of the take home pay as child maintenance (assuming the elder child has completed A Levels ort equivalent).

    It is actually to her advantage to divorce whilst the younger child is still in secondary education.

    Yes I was aware from speaking to solicitor, wife is also aware and said that due to earning potential and needing more rooms etc she would entitled to greater portion of house plus pension and house maid, gardener, chef...
    Regards

    JackRS
  • RASRAS Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Yes I was aware from speaking to solicitor, wife is also aware and said that due to earning potential and needing more rooms etc she would entitled to greater portion of house plus pension and house maid, gardener, chef...

    I hope you are joking about the second part:eek:

    Plainly you must have been very very unhappy.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    RAS wrote: »
    I hope you are joking about the second part:eek:

    Plainly you must have been very very unhappy.

    Yeah I was joking, she won't need a gardener I have to do that when she's away on holiday...

    Yes I was and I still am unhappy it's long road. Still just put my Jacket potatoe in the oven so living the dream...
    Regards

    JackRS
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