Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 11:26AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    There is no mortgage, I suggested putting utilities in her name and to pay from her account and I transfer the money fro me to her, but she does not agree.

    It sounds as if you are going to have to take some drastic action to make her face realities. If you phone up and say you don't live there any more, she'll have to do something. Make sure she knows that you're doing this so that the children don't have to live for days without utilities.

    She could have problems getting benefits if your name is still on all the bills - it's going to look as if she is claiming fraudulently.
  • JackRS wrote: »
    There is no mortgage, I suggested putting utilities in her name and to pay from her account and I transfer the money fro me to her, but she does not agree.

    Then inform her that you'll be paying the CSA rate of 15% of your income for the one eligible child and no more. Continue the money to your children obviously.

    Close down the utility accounts so she will have to start taking responsibility for herself. In other words - grow a backbone. She's just told you that she's planning to take your children away and you don't seem very bothered.
  • SandCSandC Forumite
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    The fact of the matter is, unless we're talking about an income involving 6 figures and then some, when a separation occurs it is not possible for everyone to maintain the lifestyle they previously had.

    That is reality and that is what needs to be explained to your wife.

    This move down south throws up even more financial issues - no mortgage on the property you now own that she is living in but will she require a house down there of a similar size and therefore considerably higher value? What do you do then? Get a mortgage out for her and pay that too?

    I know that it's all about not disrupting the children too much but things are not the same and they never will be. Kids even of their age adjust. They are being moved across the country after all.....

    I too think you need to start being a bit more firm in your outlook. You need to have enough money left to have a home of your own in whatever capacity - somewhere you can have your children stay over.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    It sounds as if you are going to have to take some drastic action to make her face realities. If you phone up and say you don't live there any more, she'll have to do something. Make sure she knows that you're doing this so that the children don't have to live for days without utilities.

    She could have problems getting benefits if your name is still on all the bills - it's going to look as if she is claiming fraudulently.

    The problem is her solution is not to change anything so not sure what I could do.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    The problem is her solution is not to change anything so not sure what I could do.

    And while you leave things as they are, she doesn't have to change.

    Unless she wants to live in a house without electricity, she will have to set up an account in her name. Set a date for the changeover - put it in writing if that will help - and stick to it. If she doesn't sort it out in advance, your children will soon make her take action.
  • duchyduchy Forumite
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    Why not take the long view ...that she doesn't want to disrupt your son's education mid year and work at what is going to happen from July onwards.

    For example - is the house going to be sold and the proceeds split? That would be her new start in the South money-if you can agree to put it on the market now it gives her a very clear message that things are changing and to start her own financial planning/take her own legal advice -and move on from her current ostrich position.

    In the big picture the three months now are temporary -the big change is when she moves -and save your negociating and planning for that ! Otherwise you could spend 3 months arguing and then start arguing about a new set of circumstances all over again come the summer.
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  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
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    So if she intends to move in 3 months time, is the house going to be put on the market soon?
  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    Well I’ve had more discussions with my wife about our situations. I asked her if she had an idea of how arrange things, she didn't so I proposed to cover all the household bills plus 20% of my income, I agreed to continue paying driving lessons for the children to £200/month and to continue giving them £50 a month pocket money. I also agreed to continue to provide her with a car that I get (I pay a monthly lease fee through work) she only has to pay fuel all insurance etc included. She’s planning to move back south near her parents in the summer when son(17) finishes school year she’s had time to consider the proposal and does not agree. I suggested she looked into finding a job and what support she can get from tax credit etc. However her response was that she is not going to look for a job or into what benefits she can claim until she moves in the summer. She wants to just carry on as normal for next 3 months. This makes it not possible for me to rent somewhere.

    So I guess it’s time to get legal advice. I’ve had a solicitor recommended but they are 200/hour is that normal? Any advice on how to find a solicitor?

    I think what you're offering is more than fair.

    £200 an hour is pretty standard - mine is £190 an hour for probate stuff. Don't forget there's VAT on top though.

    I'm not sure that what you're doing with the lease car is allowed, so I'd check that out. You're not a couple any more, so you're effectively using a lease car that is given because you need it for work purposes to someone else. They wouldn't let you give it to a friend, and your ex is no more than that now

    Don't forget that you're entitled to half the proceeds from the house.

    If she doesn't agree with your proposal, what was her counter offer?
    duchy wrote: »
    Why not take the long view ...that she doesn't want to disrupt your son's education mid year and work at what is going to happen from July onwards.

    For example - is the house going to be sold and the proceeds split? That would be her new start in the South money-if you can agree to put it on the market now it gives her a very clear message that things are changing and to start her own financial planning/take her own legal advice -and move on from her current ostrich position.

    In the big picture the three months now are temporary -the big change is when she moves -and save your negociating and planning for that ! Otherwise you could spend 3 months arguing and then start arguing about a new set of circumstances all over again come the summer.

    It's negotiating, not negociating. (sorry, couldn't resist).
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    Ames wrote: »
    I think what you're offering is more than fair.


    I'm not sure that what you're doing with the lease car is allowed, so I'd check that out. You're not a couple any more, so you're effectively using a lease car that is given because you need it for work purposes to someone else. They wouldn't let you give it to a friend, and your ex is no more than that now


    If she doesn't agree with your proposal, what was her counter offer?

    Just to clarify about the car I get a car in my package, I can also get an additional 3 cars on a lease scheme for friends and family. So she has a car which costs me 160 a month and includes insurance etc. So I’ve suggested that I’d continue to provide it.
    Regards

    JackRS
  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    JackRS wrote: »
    She’s planning to move back south near her parents in the summer when son(17) finishes school year

    she is not going to look for a job or into what benefits she can claim until she moves in the summer. She wants to just carry on as normal for next 3 months. This makes it not possible for me to rent somewhere.

    Could you manage for another few months and then move back into the house when she leaves?
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