Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

edited 17 April 2012 at 3:06PM in Money Saving Polls
195 replies 34.5K views


  • SoolerSooler Forumite
    3.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    If that's the OP attitude to people it's not surprising it lasted only 8 weeks!

    Lucky escape for him :T
  • Well my first thoughts on this were with the - this is ridiculous of course not this is a very silly dilemma - view point. But then I think the purpose of these is to get people to think and I think the really bad dilemas are just the ones that get very few resposes and few different ideas.

    What this is really about is I think is at the core of moral values. How do I treat people I have no or little relationship wtih. The boyfriend in a short space of time goes to the girlfriend from a unknown to a potentially very special person back to a unkmown eventually. But he still stays a person..

    The difficulty i thoink with a lot of breakups is that there is a tendency to give the person after no rights/respect, make them a nobody.. When surely in the same way that a relationship slowly builds up it needs to be slowly taken down. And just because a partner is no longer the special one doesn't mean that the conversations about things that still connect you are not still of importance out of respect for each other.

    Even is one person is behaving/has behaved badly then its still an opportunity for you to show you can be resonable.

    I may say i am an atheist but i think some christain moral values have sunk in!!!
  • katecheshirekatecheshire Forumite
    229 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    A present is a present and there is no legal obligation to return it. But the holiday was booked in both names with the expectation of it being taken together. Bit silly not to use a credit card - he's obviously not a MSE fan! Do NOT put this cheque into your account - if you are on any benefits it could cause you a lot of problems trying to explain it. Just return to the holiday company and ask them to send him the money.
  • I have to say I agree with the other posters on here, the boyfriend was daft booking a holiday after so short a time. However, the money is not yours. My husband earns less than me but doesnt mean he pays less towards the house and bills... I just maybe spend more on a holiday like paying hte deposit instead, give and take. But I certainly wouldnt expect him to steal from me.
    Contact the ex and ask him what he would like you to do with the money, i suspect you might have to cash it and transfer the money to him, or contact the holiday company and say the money is not yours and it must have been paid by credit card, so should be refunded the same way. Sounds like a dodgy holiday company to me.
    I appreciate the thought when you are down on your luck, however this is paramount to stealing.
    Best of luck:j
  • Krissy306Krissy306 Forumite
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    You need to Speek to him. X
  • brogsybrogsy Forumite
    6 Posts
    It would be dishonest to keep the money because it does not belong to you. You will have to bank it and then send the money on to him if the travel company will only refund the lead traveller. He will be expecting the refund if he has cancelled the holiday so it will only be a matter of time before he finds out where the money went. In response to some other comments (not the OP) I don't see why this guy warrants any criticism from what we have been told - he has been generous to buy this holiday in the first place. Yes he took a risk that early in the relationship but there was every chance they made it and had a wonderful time. It didn't work out, nothing lost if OP returns the money!
  • No. Have you no morals.
  • gailygaily Forumite
    190 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    I'd get in contact with him, and let him know what has happened.

    He may ask me to bank the cheque, and then write a similar cheque out to him, or he may decide to contact the holiday company - but if they start cancelling and reissuing cheque, then they may charge him.

    (Our accounts department at work (Insurance) would make a return to the same account or person the payment was made from, not just from the person named on the documents - otherwise there is a risk of fraud / money laundering - an easy way to transfer money into someone elses name.

    We deal with solicitors who are sometimes responsible for paying our client's bills, or for parents who pay for their kids insurances - we need to make sure refunds go back to the payer, not the insured)

    Anyway, the holiday may have been £1,700, but surely we're talking the deposit here, normally when the balance is paid in full that's it. It's not something you can just cancel and get a full refund on because you don't 'fancy going'.
    Always on the hunt for a bargain. :rolleyes:

    Always grateful for any hints, tips or guidance as to where the best deals are:smileyhea
  • 1. honesty demands you give back the money
    2. you have split up which means you don't want this man in your life? so you don't want his money bringing any complications!
    3. your kids need an independent role model showing them that doing the right thing can be hard - but worth it for the self esteem and self reliance.
  • mrbrightside842mrbrightside842 Forumite
    1.3K Posts
    Your personal situations and his wage does not come in to it. It's not your money. If you discuss it with him and he tells you to keep it, then great. But don't assume.
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