Real life MMD: My ex paid for the hol, should I keep the refund?

edited 17 April 2012 at 3:06PM in Money Saving Polls
195 replies 34.5K views


  • wozza2kwozza2k Forumite
    15 Posts
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Even if he earns 60k a year, that would still be half of his monthly payslip!!! I doubt many people wouldn't miss half their payslip in a month
  • purple.sarahpurple.sarah Forumite
    2.5K Posts
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Real life MMDs are getting worse. How is this even a dilemma?! No, don't steal from your ex. Don't show your children that stealing is ok. Don't even try to justify it by saying he was aware of your situation. Your situation isn't his problem or an excuse.
  • juggsyjuggsy Forumite
    24 Posts
    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Wow, MSE must be short of dilemmas this week to post this one.

    As per the majority of other posts, you are basically asking "should I steal someone's hard-earned money"? Very simple and obvious answer here.

    If you wish to use your personal circumstances to justify this, you may as well use them to justify shoplifting or robbing a bank.

    How would you feel if someone stole your benefit cheque? ;)
  • coolcaitcoolcait Forumite
    4.8K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Rampant Recycler
    Seriously? :eek:

    Need to try harder, MSE!

    (Devil's advocate moral dilemma - should I report the OP for implicitly advocating an illegal action?)

  • Absolutely not! It's his money and taking it is theft and a very poor example to set your children. Your contrasting financial situations are completely irrelevant.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who fails to see the moral dilemma here. Often I sit on the fence but this is easy. Perhaps the OP is seeking to establish whether they actually have any morals at all? Answer: no.
    MSE aim: more thanks than posts :j
  • Whether you're unemployed or super wealthy, the money is his. Keeping it would effectively be a form of legal theft. And justifying keeping it simply because he's better off than you is morally bankrupt.

    Do the right thing, pay it back and live without guilt.
  • Torry_QuineTorry_Quine Forumite
    18.6K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Bake Off Boss!
    As others have said how is this a dilemma? The money was never yours and you should send it back with an explanation
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • londonlydialondonlydia Forumite
    428 Posts
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    To be fair, whilst morally it is theft, I dont think it is theft in the legal sense as they settle to the lead passenger- I suspect in the T&Cs of the holiday booking it explained who they would return the money to in the instance of cancellation...and ultimately he chose to sign to this agreement (whether or not he read it is his own fault really).

    I would also say there's more to this dilemma than first appears. For instance, if he had bought her a piece of jewelery for the equivalent worth, would everyone claim it was also stealing for her to keep it, or even sell it? This appears worse because the holiday didnt occur- but you could argue it is similar to giving someone something of worth in the relationship and them cashing in on it afterwards.

    Personally, I would still give the money back, because I dont like the idea of feeling like I owe favours to people, especially exes. However, there is also a part of me that says it is kind of stupid of him to be buying expensive holidays 3 weeks in, and signing off the value of the holiday to this 3 week partner because he clearly didnt appreciate the T&Cs. You have to think about the sort of person that does that-I'd say he was one of or all of foolish, money-wasting, showy/buying relations, reckless...
  • bridlebridle Forumite
    15 Posts
    I would cash the cheque and tell him if he wants the money he will have to contact you for it and put it in an easy access account with a good rate of interest and you can keep the interest for however long its in there.
  • benedictadamsbenedictadams Forumite
    923 Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    As with virtually everyone else, it is not your money to keep

    If you do cash it I hope that he takes all the legal steps open to him and you lose an amount of benefit paying the money back which you STOLE.
    Debt of £6300 cleared in 5 years, now ZERO
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