MONEY MORAL DILEMMA Should Sandy pay off Danny’s debts?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Money Saving Polls
48 replies 12.5K views
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  • GlowboyGlowboy Forumite
    175 Posts
    My wife and I paid for our wedding jointly (not equally, as we had different levels of income). Before we started, I paid off her debt, a small one, on the basis that it was stupid to give the credit card company an extravagant rate of interest at a time when we needed every penny.

    We run our household from a joint account and have a small amount in our personal accounts each month for frivolities. Mrs G hasn't got herself into debt again and lets me run the finances.

    If Danny is prepared to take his new responsibilities seriously and keep his spending in check, then Sandy should pay off the debt to give them a fresh start; to do anything else is just wasting money that they could use for their life together. Of course it's a matter of trust, but if she can't trust him then she should walk away anyway.
  • How about they work out a budget for him to repay the debt, and every month he manages it, she matches his repayment from her savings? They pay less interest because the debt is reduced more quickly, but he still learns the lesson of working for it and not having cash handed to him too easily.
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  • Why not just sell the car to recoup some of the lost money?:confused:
  • Absolutely not, he got himself into this mess he has to get himself out of it!
  • pezza88pezza88 Forumite
    28 Posts
    "All that I have I share with you.."

    If they are going to get married then all that is Sandy's becomes Danny's and vice versa. That is what marriage is all about!

    If she is not prepared to do this then she should not be getting married. However, they should DEFINITELY have a long talk about his spending habits and make an agreement as to what each of them can spend.

    If Danny loves Sandy enough to get married then he will be willing to give up his spending habits. If not, don't marry.
  • MuffcatMuffcat Forumite
    18 Posts
    No, no a thousand times NO! This man is a very bad prospect as a husband. What on earth was he thinking of, being prepared to start married life already in debt, when getting married and setting up home is expensive enough without this quite unnecessary millstone round their necks. Danny should show he is prepared to make a start at growing up by selling the car. As for Sandy, if she decides to go ahead I hope she will never make the mistake of having a joint account of any kind with this man - a true recipe for financial disaster if her husband has such a poor track record.
  • noelb_2noelb_2 Forumite
    4 Posts
    That’s like asking if she should guarantee a loan or a credit card for this guy. Sandy hasn’t married this sad greaseball yet – so there’s still time.

    She should postpone the engagement for 12 months and kindly explain to Danny that she needs a Man. If Sandy really is the one Danny wants he needs to clean up his act and start behaving like someone that’s preparing for one of the biggest events in his life (getting married).

    I don’t wanna be mean to Danny, maybe he is a really nice guy and this is his only flaw, but whether he marries Sandy or not, running up debt like this is only going to cause him (and maybe someone else) misery down the line. He should take a second job – preferably using his supped-up car – and pay off the debt ASAP, and prove himself a man in the deal.
  • fruitbat_2fruitbat_2 Forumite
    70 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    My husband used to be fairly bad at managing money, he had a reasonable job but was just used to spending more than he earned, and never read his credit card statements, so the debt was slowly increasing, although never completely unmanageable. I've always been more cautious and 'the sensible one'. I never bailed him out, but I did have more money put away e.g. when we put a deposit on our first home, and I kept a tight rein on the budget for our wedding. Money is the only thing we've ever argued about, because of the attitude he had. They say you can't change a man, and it's probably not directly as a consequence of me hassling him about it, he's just matured, but he definitely has changed. He's now in control of his finances and much more responsible, and enjoying the consequences i.e. having cash in hand to 'play' with, a nice car that he owns all of and a non-nagging wife!
    So I guess I would advise Sandy to do the same, don't bail him out as such but make sure he takes his debts in hand and deals with them, and make sure he knows what will happen if he doesn't. Getting engaged means its time to put the girl before the car!
  • alggomasalggomas Forumite
    150 Posts
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Combo Breaker
    She should not pay. She has been going out with him for a while so she knows his habits.Also he is probably has a credit card.Most financial stuff should have been sorted out B4 they got engaged.
  • I think it's in Sandy's interest to help Danny pay off his debts as when they get married, they'll be her debts too and so they will both be paying interest. Perhaps the debt may be an obstruction to them affording a mortgage (in terms of out-goings)It's better to just get it out of the way.

    But I also think that Sandy should make it very clear that as a couple they will have to go without something this year, for example, a nice holiday to the carribean. Let's see how he likes it when they have to camp near cleethorpes beach in his supped up car!

    Then she should make him set up a direct debit so he contributes to collective savings.
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