you know when all you lovely people give advice...

in Debt free diaries
3.1K replies 89.3K views


  • CAFCGirl wrote: »

    If I could give you one thing in life, it would be to surrounded you by people who do everything they can, to see you happy, to make sure you're alright. People who will always give you their chair, always lift you in the morning, and lay you down at night. People who will live their day to see you smile, and people who will dry your eyes when you cry......

    You are one of life's treasures..... and you should hear those words every single day

    cafcgirl, i have been thinking about this post all day... I cant walk away from conversations when they are in the car/in my room (thats the places they do this) so to get some peace i just agree. with regards to the work thing they are mostly couples that work in my work place but i suppose people just want different things :rolleyes: noone knows about my money situation except one briefly but i dont relly care about her... i think i will do the thing with the phone (or something) as this is silly :rolleyes: I think my brother has won, he has now got it signed and said if i dont write the cheque then he cant go out as he wanted it for id too :mad:

    as for the paragraph above , well its never been like that but one day maybe....
  • CAFCGirl wrote: »
    For fear of this coming across in the wrong way, when you say you're big, what are we talking about here?

    I'm much like yourself, I've got no friends where I am, I've got my bf who I met thru my first ever flatmate, who I lived with for 3 years and since she moved out she has never been in touch with me.

    My one good friend stitched me up, hence why I had to find a place of my own, and increasing my rent by almost 100%! I get up, I talk to the people at work, but only ever at work, we dont have much of a social network outside of work since theres only a few of us, and we're all so different.

    Only time I ever go out is with the BF and thats had to stop because neither of us have any money.
    So much like you, its get up, go to work, come home talk to noone till the next day at work.

    You're a very kind and generous person. And not for one second go blaming yourself for being that person. It is not your fault that your family take you for granted, it is not your fault that your family see you as responsible for them, and it is DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FAULT that your father did what he did.

    I'm glad to hear you think things need to change, and I for one, will be here for anything you need on that front.
    I'm gonna keep my ear out for our next shop opening close to you and get you in there!!!! And offer still stands if you want a couple of days work experience on the other side of the country!!!

    Not having any motivation or ambition is a perpetual cycle, but my suggestion would be to take that as your motivation......... Your motivation should be realising your ambition, kicking your family into touch and start living for you!

    Plenty of people can tell you what you should, shouldnt. could, couldn't do till the cows come home but at the end of the day, the choice is solely yours. Want your family to stop treating you like dirt, stop thinking you deserve it, that you give them reason for it!

    You dont!
    They're selfish and cruel.
    You're not!

    Applaud yourself on that one every waking moment hun!

    hi cafcgirl i am bigbig, 17st 18top 20bottom but what makes it worse is there are problems wrong with me i dont want to mention them here really but they make me not a woman (in my eyes) so i feel kinda not right. I definatly need to change i do agree with that but its just those first steps and in what ways to do it without 'upsetting' (for want of a better word) my family...
  • elonaelona Forumite
    11.8K Posts

    Get a block put on the phone

    Get a bolt for your door.

    fake the pay cut and hide money away for your future.

    If you are "big" go and see a sympathetic G.P. - there may be some medical condition like P.C.O.S or low thyroid that needs to be adressed.

    Consider the offer of help made by one of the other posters.

    You are struggling for your life here pet and they are acting like leeches sucking the life out of you.

    Try the broken record technique

    "I don't have any money " and keep repeating it. Have you thought of looking for a job in a hotel with a room supplied?

    Start thinking laterally and put yourself - if not first - then at least equal!
    "This site is addictive!"
    Wooligan 2 squares for smoky - 3 squares for HTA
    Preemie hats - 2.
  • tesuhohatesuhoha Forumite
    18K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Posting, I have been like you, unselfish and giving all my life. At the end of the day, I dont have very much, not even a thank you from the people I support and certainly no respect. It was Mothers day today and I got nothing, not even a Happy Mothers Day. Its all give with me too and all take from them. I wish I had learnt at a young age that you are better off being selfish and mean in this life. I am not bitter when I say that, but I would have got on far better in life. I would like to see you avoid these mistakes. I cant believe that your sister actually asked you for money. They must see you as some kind of moneylender, a bank for them. I am sorry that I thought there might be more jobs in Bristol. I can see that you are trapped by so many things, having animals makes it harder. You might not like me saying this but as you cannot move out at the moment, I think you should become a lot harder and say no, sorry I havent got it/cant afford it, which is true enough, you can't. Dont wait to fake a paycut although you can do that as well but just try to get into the habit of saying no.

    I had a brother like you. When I was 12 years old I liked this boy and my brother used to pretend that he had said nice things about me. He used to con me out of all of my pocket money every week and then say hardly anything. Thats what hes like. I used to buy him Christmas and Birthday presents and get nothing in return until I met my husband and he stopped me from buying him stuff. He was very offended and I was upset at the time, I felt awful but now I look back and realise he was right. It sounds to me as if you dont really want to give them anything but you let them take it anyway. I dont see why you shouldnt have a relationship and your own life. Im really sorry to upset you Posting but I do care about you and thats why Im being like this. CAFCGirl has made you some good offers. Are you up for them at all? How about starting off by just trying to be a bit stronger when it comes to dealing with your family. That would make your life a whole lot better.
    The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best

  • tesuhohatesuhoha Forumite
    18K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Please say to your brother that it is not your problem that he cant go out. You are not responsible for the world's problems and it is certainly not your fault if he is too lazy to get off his butt and earn some money. Dont worry about upsetting your family; it sounds to me as if they are very thick skinned. Do they worry at all about upsetting you when they try and take every penny that you earn and more?
    The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best

  • tesuhohatesuhoha Forumite
    18K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Posting, I have to go to cook the dinner now. Please dont be cross with me.
    The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best

  • tesuhohatesuhoha Forumite
    18K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    Just put the water on for the pasta so have a second. Sorry if I put pressure on you. It sounds to me as if elona is right; it could be a thyroid problem, especially if you are eating mainly fruit and veg. All I can say is fake the pay cut, do whatever it takes to stop you from giving to them and make secret plans. Do it your way. If you do this at least you will have something to look forward to.
    The forest would be very silent if no birds sang except for the birds that sang the best

  • thanks elona and tesuhoha... i have so much to think about my brain has shut down. I dont know what to do for the best and i know whatever i do will be wrong with someone. sometimes i just wish i didnt have to be an adult... :o the first thing i need to do is find a better job...
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
    81.1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper
    OOOOh Posting
    I really feel for you.
    You sound a fantastic person & your family are taking a big loan of you.
    Pop over to the I wanna thread & theres a sticky at the top about loosing weight.If you want to join us we are a great bunch.
    Go & see your GP & see if they can help.
    Take lots of care.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~**
    MFW. Finally mortgage free February 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
  • SeaxwynSeaxwyn Forumite
    4.9K Posts
    Hi posting, I've just caught up with today's posts and I'm sorry to see you so down.

    I just wanted to say you do have friends - on here. Ok we're not 'real' friends but you come across so nice in your posts I'm sure there are plenty of people who think of you in a friendly way.

    (That goes for CAFCgirl too.)

    Also, if you have medical problems, talk to a doctor. And if you don't feel that doctor is helping, ask to see another. Even if the problems are embarrassing or awkward to talk about it, the doctors will have seen it all before and they can help.

    Don't feel too bad, I just know life will improve for you because it's clear you are a resourceful person and once you see the way forward, nothing will stop you.
    Total debt: 1 January 2007 £[strike]49,387.79[/strike] 1 January 2012 £[STRIKE]19,312.85[/STRIKE] 1 August 2012 £11,517.62

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