you know when all you lovely people give advice...

in Debt Free Diaries
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  • CAFCGirl wrote: »
    ok!
    I have to confess to still being slightly confused.
    You pay your mum £30 a week but this month due to dates etc, it's £150? this month yes, some months its only £120.00

    Because your mum is in debt you're paying her debt for her £100 no this isnt right ~ see below, i do it this way because if teh baliffs cme they can take my stuff, now i havnet got much but what i have got i want to keep

    So are you paying out a total of £250 there?
    Or do you pay her debt (£100) in place of paying her housekeeping? i pay the £100.00 from house keeping but due to her not having enough to last the month i then give her the odd £5/£10 for elec/gas and i also by most of my food ~ so truley its not fair... the debt was £1600.00 (as far as i know) she wont phone and see what it is now but i have payed 5 months including this month (i think) so we have ages to go...

    My next suggestion would be contact BT and find out what your credit limit is on your account, and then find out how much money is owed to them.
    Secondly whilst on the phone to BT set up a PIN number. If you trusted your mum not to use the phone and she did, then maybe you need to put some restrictions in place so that while you're paying off the debt, more isnt being run up. i can find out but i dont think mum will allow a block put on the phone

    I know its odd with BT because even though you think you're paying a lot back, when you work out the service charges that you pay each month, the actual debt amount doesnt seem to go down very much.

    Then I would investigate cheaper broadband elsewhere and see if you can save yourself a little bit there. From what I worked out, you're paying BT £70 a month.
    I have BT broadband, line rental and a bit toward some calls which costs me £35 a month. Now my service charges are £85 a quarter (just grabbed my bill out) so if you're paying £70, owe them lets say £200, you're paying them back £210, over the quarter
    Debt and service charges would mean you'd owe £285.
    So after a quarter, this leaves you with £75 outstanding, then next quarter, you'd again be paying back £210 over the quarter, but you'd only owe that quarter £75 from previous bill, £85 service charges, and at the end of that quarter you'd actually be in credit by £50. i think i will look at cheaper b/b then i can pass the bill back over to mums name (dunno if the debt will go too?) because when i had aol i just payed aol's bill ad mum payed bt, i think thats what we need to do now

    Hope that makes sense. But that is all on the basis that you dont use the phone to make very many calls. Hence why I think putting a block on it could ensure you pay it back at the best rate, and not have your mum running up more debt in the background. yep that makes sense, i have never ever ever used the house phone so i am a bit annoyed at her running up the bill when she nearly killed my brother for doing it to her :mad:

    I think the joy of 0% cards is that it gives you breathing room when you need it most. However when does the 0% period end, and when it does what does the APR go up to? it ends in 5 months then it goes up to 13%

    My other argument regarding driving would be, stop the lessons (hear me out!) spank the debts as it were, then when things are a bit easier, BT bill is clear, your debt free again etc, save up and do an intensive driving course, you can get these for as little as £350, and a lot will guarantee you will pass, and if you dont, they will keep doing week long courses with you (on them) until you do pass!
    Considering how much you've spent on lessons already, maybe now is the time for a definite pass guarantee. i am nearly ready for my test he thinks another 15/20 lessons. I cant do intensive courses (was going to do one) but because of my accident my legs arnt very strong so i can only just manage 1 1/2 hours, i could never drive all day :o

    Another point regarding your brother........... he's only got a p/t job? Whats that got to do with you paying for his driving license? I don't mean that to sound cruel but, you cant afford to pay for his license anyway. And if he cant afford a license, then really he shouldnt be having lessons etc. Plus a p/t job still equals some money coming in! i have spoken to huim about this but sadly he wont listen, he is like my father and i hate to be on the wrong end of him :( i think its one of those things i will have to do...

    I absolutely applaud and am in awe of how much you appear to be doing on behalf of your family, but like what was said before me, you seem to be doing so at a negligence to your own well being, health and financial state. i know but just feel guilty for what my father put us through, so i just do it :(

    What do you work as can I ask? i work in a cafe, and hate it, the people i work with are awful. I had a great job in argos but was layed off then i went on job seekers and i applyed for 60 jobs in 3 weeks and this was all that came back, i strated on teh tills but was then pushed into teh cafe...

    Do you live in rented accomodation? I'm thinking about your insurance, have you researched if this is the lowest possible? And is it buildings insurance or contents? It may also be cheaper to get insurance solely for particular items. yep council house, the insuracne is only contents but because i had to put down all my brother 'entertainment' stuff (nearly £3000.00 it bumped the price up, i did get cash back on that though.

    I would also say cancel your charitable contribution for a short period of time as that will save a little per month, which you can use to pay off debt quicker, and then can continue after your new debt freedom making charity donations. if i cancel this a horse doesnt get feed, i am not going near this and as soon as i pass my driving this will go up i am affraid

    Another point, insurance on a bike? If you've got a bike, is £48 on bus cards truly necessary? yep the insurance was put on teh bike as my brother used it for work i can use it as i work stupid shifts and since my accident i hate walking along/on roads so this is a no go, but i do ride around the fields.

    I hope none of this sounded off key or aggressive, I just see you doing an awful lot for other people and putting yourself at the bottom of the list and I think you need a little time, space, love and affection thats just for you :) aww thanks hun but sadly i have come last in everything... this is a normal month for me i go through this

    Sending you hugs!

    thanks again, i am worried now as work has payed me compensated bank holiday :confused: £44.18 so i have a feeling this has been payed to me wrong and they will take it back next month.

    i dont know what to do about my car savings £198.70, i am never going to afford to run a car on my wage i am dreaming so i dont know what to do?

    i also have a confession i went shopping last night and spent lots on rubbish, i spent £5 on a scratch card (i know i know) but i did win £2 and then i brought my brother a mothers day card :rolleyes: and loads of comfort food... I took out the bank £30.00 so just to spend £5 was great :T so i have failed in everyway now :o will be putting the £25 back monday
  • Seaxwyn wrote: »
    Hi posting hi hun

    I agree with CAFC, you are behaving like an angel and putting everyone's interests before your own.

    Family is family but all the same it feels unfair that you are carrying your mum and your brother when your own financial margins are quite tight. I think it's time to say 'sorry, no more' to your brother. Can't he get another part-time job to make up his own wages. he wont, he has followed me all his life (with regards to jobs) and now he wants to come to my place of work at the momment, he is like my father, lazy, money grabbing, high spending and stupid.

    As for your mum, she needs to understand that you are doing your all to get her out of trouble and she needs to take a more responsible attitude. Can you explain to her that you are in debt too now and working your butt off to pay her debts and support your brother. The least she can do is respect your efforts, buy the food you want out of the family food budget, and not run up the phone bill. we havent got a family food budget, the only food that mum will definatly buy for me is my lunch box stuff, for tea etc i just have to look in the frezzer (and if its out of date tough) :o

    I really you manage to get rid of that nasty debt soon. In the longer term, could you get a higher paid job? You sound like a resourceful person and one that I'm sure any employer would be glad to have, so look around for jobs with a better salary. obviously not, i have applied for about 2 jobs a month (ok not many but after work i just wanna go to bed not apply for things) and i have had one interview, this is the prob i had when i was on jsa. I would love t do admin/secretary job but beacuse i am 'apprently' underqulified they dont employ me, but its mostly to do with not having much experience

    I know it may seem like i am making excuses/defending people but sadly this is how i was brought up. I would love to move out but sadly i cant as i have a poor wage so instead i stay here and get used as a door mat. no one understands what its like to efectively be everyones personal bank, i never have treats now, i really want to buy some wii points (for my game system) but i can for fear of my saying can you lend me £10 for the electric its about to go off, i am fighting a losing battle, and what makes me laugh is this time next year my mum wants to take me abroud... uhhh no :rotfl:
  • SeaxwynSeaxwyn Forumite
    4.9K Posts
    Hi posting

    Thanks for the explanations. I really admire you keeping your good humour when you have a lot on your plate. I think it's fantastic that you actually have so little debt because the temptation to spend on yourself must be huge.

    Paying for your college course is important to get you some qualifications to get a job you enjoy more and with a bit more pay. Don't let this money get taken for anything else.

    I am sure if you stopped your charity donations for a while the horse would be fine. Every charity has to have plans in place to deal with fluctuating income, and I'm sure they have funds to deal with donors dropping out. Why don't you ring them and ask what would happen if you suspended your donations for six months?

    Your situation as family doormat and bank sounds tough but it won't last for ever, one day this will just be a memory so don't despair.

    As for your brother, the example from your dad has obviously done him no good, can you be kind-but-firm and be selective about what you will pay for him. He can't sponge off you for all your life so he needs to start thinking for himself.

    Good luck
    Total debt: 1 January 2007 £[strike]49,387.79[/strike] 1 January 2012 £[STRIKE]19,312.85[/STRIKE] 1 August 2012 £11,517.62



  • I don't have any useful advice that you haven't been given PAP, but just reading all that about your family makes me think you deserve some (((hugs))) ... I knew you did a lot for them and that things were hard but even so, I'm shocked at how little they seem to consider you. I just don't know how your mum thinks that its ok to take money from you, to depend on you to pay the bills and things, and doesn't even buy the food that you want. I know everyone's situation is different, and money is tight for all of you, but you are... as you say... being used as a doormat and its not fair on you!

    I know you can't move out yet but I bet this situation is making you even more determined to go to college and get a better job - as seaxwyn says, one day this will all be in the past.

    Take care :)

    Kath x
    Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now... Avenue Q
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 003 :DProud to have become debt free... and striving to keep it that way
  • thanks all, Seaxwyn, kathfisch, CAFCGirl, Snaggles, mioliere and tesuhoha...

    I think i will just have to stuggle through, i am putting yet more of my 'stuff' on ebay in the hope i can make some more money... it will just mean spending more money on packaging as i have used all my recycled stuff :o there are 2 things that i have (my mega drive and gba) that i dont want to sell but i may list on my next day off as i need this money... shame really...

    yep i am used through my family, they know they do it and i take it, sadly i cant do anything about it, i must say that my level of living isnt high by anymeans but my wage isnt covering all my outgoings, it doesnt help that i work with people that are only 1/2 years older than me and already have a house and most drive and i am still stuck at home and wont 'go out' and they look down on me... i try and please everyone and it doesnt work... oh well back to it :rotfl:
  • SeaxwynSeaxwyn Forumite
    4.9K Posts
    Well I hope you find a way of turning your situation around very soon.

    Meanwhile don't think people are looking down on you. Anyone who knows the truth, that you are supporting a family on a low wage and keeping out of debt, would admire you. Don't let your workmates look down on you - they should respect you for not going out and making your situation worse.

    Keep posting on here and you will find a way to improve things. Meanwhile, look forward to your holiday and don't feel too bad about slipping back into a small amount odf debt.
    Total debt: 1 January 2007 £[strike]49,387.79[/strike] 1 January 2012 £[STRIKE]19,312.85[/STRIKE] 1 August 2012 £11,517.62



  • thanks all, Seaxwyn, kathfisch, CAFCGirl, Snaggles, mioliere and tesuhoha...

    I think i will just have to stuggle through, i am putting yet more of my 'stuff' on ebay in the hope i can make some more money... it will just mean spending more money on packaging as i have used all my recycled stuff :o there are 2 things that i have (my mega drive and gba) that i dont want to sell but i may list on my next day off as i need this money... shame really...

    yep i am used through my family, they know they do it and i take it, sadly i cant do anything about it, i must say that my level of living isnt high by anymeans but my wage isnt covering all my outgoings, it doesnt help that i work with people that are only 1/2 years older than me and already have a house and most drive and i am still stuck at home and wont 'go out' and they look down on me... i try and please everyone and it doesnt work... oh well back to it :rotfl:

    Oh my, you still have a mega drive!! My inner nintendo nerd is coming out now... I'm so jealous! :o My brother and I sold our mega drive for some small amount, to help buy an N64, and I have regretted it ever since!! I've got the original sonic 1 and 2 for the gamecube though, that's what I loved the best on mega drive!! Anyway... none of which is any help to you... but I hope you don't have to sell the mega drive cos I feel sad on your behalf :(:o :rotfl:
    Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now... Avenue Q
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 003 :DProud to have become debt free... and striving to keep it that way
  • Seaxwyn wrote: »
    Well I hope you find a way of turning your situation around very soon.

    Meanwhile don't think people are looking down on you. Anyone who knows the truth, that you are supporting a family on a low wage and keeping out of debt, would admire you. Don't let your workmates look down on you - they should respect you for not going out and making your situation worse.

    Keep posting on here and you will find a way to improve things. Meanwhile, look forward to your holiday and don't feel too bad about slipping back into a small amount odf debt.

    Thanks seawyn... i must say i dont think it will be a problem... i have just over £50 till next pay day so thats £12.50 per week i am sure that can be done :T just need to stay away from shops :rotfl: I dont know what i am going to do with work yet, they want me to go bowling next sat, i may go for one game £4 and take my own drink ;) cant wait till holiday, going to have a great time and then once am back i will knucke down, i have 2 weeks off work so one week will be my holiday and the other i am just living at home and going swimming to try and stop spending :rotfl:

    I think these last few days everythings got on top of me and it doesnt help that all my family talk about is money :mad:
    kathfisch wrote: »
    Oh my, you still have a mega drive!! My inner nintendo nerd is coming out now... I'm so jealous! :o My brother and I sold our mega drive for some small amount, to help buy an N64, and I have regretted it ever since!! I've got the original sonic 1 and 2 for the gamecube though, that's what I loved the best on mega drive!! Anyway... none of which is any help to you... but I hope you don't have to sell the mega drive cos I feel sad on your behalf :(:o :rotfl:

    yep kathfisch i do, i love it and i also have my wii, i must say they didnt cost much really (my wii was payed for by cash back money) but for such expensive things sat here that could clear my debts its hard, but i use them all the time :o i dont think i will sell it but its tempting :rotfl:
  • yep kathfisch i do, i love it and i also have my wii, i must say they didnt cost much really (my wii was payed for by cash back money) but for such expensive things sat here that could clear my debts its hard, but i use them all the time :o i dont think i will sell it but its tempting :rotfl:

    You have to keep some things for yourself though, keep you sane and entertained!! People say consoles are silly (maybe they are :o ) but they're very dfw I reckon... not too expensive and over time much cheaper than going out every night or whatever... can keep me entertained for hours!! :o :rotfl:
    Don't stress, relax, let life roll off your backs. Except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now... Avenue Q
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 003 :DProud to have become debt free... and striving to keep it that way
  • kathfisch wrote: »
    You have to keep some things for yourself though, keep you sane and entertained!! People say consoles are silly (maybe they are :o ) but they're very dfw I reckon... not too expensive and over time much cheaper than going out every night or whatever... can keep me entertained for hours!! :o :rotfl:

    yep very very true, i have put it down for the min as i am stuck on zelda so i have picked up my crossstiching (one of my crafts) i have sold all my other craft stuff but i have dug out all my free charts and kits that i got from magazines over the years... very relaxing and technically free as i payed for them years ago, i now have about 6 i want to do for xmas presents... just finished my mums card for tommorow (also free :shhh:)
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