How to ask for cash as wedding present?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
112 replies 45.1K views
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  • Just a thought, and slightly of topic, but sometimes i have to admit it does do my head in a bit when a wedding off a friend etc is coming up and we have to get a gift for them (well, feel obliged too really) Me and oh arent exactly well off and some of our friends have alot more money than us, yet we still get them a gift / money / vouchers whatever (and i would hate to turn up without anything and look stingy :eek: ), now this might sound like im saying you should only give to receive.. but im not.. but i sometimes get a bit miffed as me and oh have no plans to get married, we are happy as we are, yet we have spent all this money going to other peoples weddings, paying for outfits to go to them, paying for accomadation, and the presents etc yet we get nothing back.. ( EDITED TO SAY i dont expect something back , aah you know what i mean ) I dont want to sound like im tight cos' im definatly not, and i love a good wedding, specially when its close friends/family.. but why do i have to make myself skinter so they can kit there house out or go on a fab holiday :confused: Must admit i dont feel like this so much when it is my family or very close friends, and i dont want to sound like a moaning mini cos im not honest :p

    I am happy to share there big day as we have been invited but just dont wanna pay an arm and a leg for it.. hey maybe i should propose to oh :rotfl: not!
    :j Baby due 8th march:j
    :cool: Little girl born on the 8th of march :D
  • alba37alba37 Forumite
    2.6K Posts
    Smashing wrote:
    Some people write 'no boxed gifts please' on the invite, but be warned that

    a) A lot of people don't know what this means
    b) Those who do often get offended by it for reasons mentioned previously
    c) It's generally bad manners to give the impression that you expect to be given gifts. An invite is suppsoed to be a request for their company, not an instruction on how to please the newlyweds.

    One way around it is to just stick

    Its not always easy,
    To think what to buy,
    On this very special occasion,
    You don't even have to try,
    Something of monetry value,
    Or vouchers would be nice,
    But most of all we both think,
    Your presence will suffice


    on the invite and hope they get the hint.

    I think it's a difficult one, but the poem from smashing sounds good, I would add a wee bit after it too.

    In Mallorca, it's normal to give money as a gift. Unlike here, their weddings are revolved around the meal, so the meal could be for 300/400/500 people. A card with bank account details is enclosed with the invite and guests normally think of how many in the family will attend, times that by a rough cost of the meal then add on extra for the gift. They make a lot!!!

    I was never very comfortable with the idea, but it's customary there so no one thinks bad about it.
  • super41super41 Forumite
    245 Posts
    Maybe just a coincidence, but I have noticed a direct correlation between size and extravagence of a wedding and the 'happy' couple breaking up a2 or 3 years later. Now that really bugs me having spent time, money and emotional energy supporting a couple on their happy day, to have it all collapse a short time later. Sometimes think the showy day is compensating for something missing, but perhaps I'm just being cynical.
  • lotteelottee Forumite
    1.4K Posts
    The travel company I work for actually has 'honeymoon' cards to pop in with an invite. They are pretty much the same as the wedding list card you get from Debenhams etc, but obviously explaining that the couple would appreciate any help with the honeymoon. You can the pay as little or as much as you want. I assume that all agents have this facility.

    Personally, I think a wedding list is a great idea. We got married in Oz, a very small wedding tbh, & when we returned, we had an evening celebration. Lot's of people called us to see where our wedding list was held, but we didn't have one - as I felt these people weren't at the actual wedding, so it may come across rude expecting gifts - but the again, not everyone who attends an evening reception is present during the day, so I wish we had of organised one. Live & learn - maybe I'll have a list next time... ! lol !!!
    We ended up with loads of Argos vouchers, which was great, as you can get pretty much everything in Argos! Oh, & photo frames, people seemed to have a thing with frames also!
    :D I am in the future you know...
    ...9 hours ahead to be exact !:D
  • Viz_2Viz_2 Forumite
    720 Posts
    ben500 wrote:
    Personally I have always had a problem with the whole wedding present list, I think it is a damn cheek to ask for anything to be honest, it's a gift! If you don't like it well that's sad but the gesture has been made all the same, anybody who invited me to a wedding and provided me with a list of appropriate gifts to choose from would get a toast rack irrespective of whether or not it was mentioned on the list.

    I think part of the idea of a wedding list is so that the happy couple don't recieve 25 toast racks.
    Never buy a stupid dwarf -
    Its not big and its not clever.
  • Viz wrote:
    I think part of the idea of a wedding list is so that the happy couple don't recieve 25 toast racks.

    :rotfl: does anyone actually use those things ? :confused: :rotfl:
  • KnelleyKnelley Forumite
    355 Posts
    100 Posts
    ✭✭
    I think if you are going to ask people to donate money then you need to ask them to bring it in an unmarked envelope. Have a 'Donation' box at the Reception and then everyone can just pop their envelope into the box. That means their donation is anonymous....not unless they wanted to put their name on it. Saves embarrassment for people that can't afford it and also means that you get your financial help.

    I actually think it is a great idea! My friend is in the process of arranging her wedding and is not financially well off. I see how she struggles week to week. I have suggested to her that everyone pays for something to do with the wedding. It would mean that she gets the day she wants and the guests feel as though they are contributing to it and enjoying it at the same time. Obviously, they can out in what they can afford. I know that she would be grateful for whatever she gets as they wouldn't be able to have the wedding without the guests pressies IYSWIM??

    Personally, I think it is a win, win situation:)
    The world is full of Pink Fluffy Clouds......you just need to open your eyes to see them:)
    "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
  • I do think it is poor etiquette to ask for money, especially in the invite. Especially with some twee poem. Traditionally guests would contact the mother of the bride to ask for details of a list. Could your friend do this, and let her mum judge whether the guest would find it acceptable to give money or a gift? Often older guests find it rude and younger find it more appropriate.
  • Check this out then !! This will cause lots of sarcastic moaning comments!!!

    We were married last year and we wanted money towards our honeymoon as hubby and had his house for 10 years and we had lived together for 4 years, we didnt need anything for the house. When people are invited to a wedding they are expected to be given a list of some indication of what to give the happy couple. I know I was annoyed when someone I know didnt inform the guests of a list etc.

    We opened up a honeymoon bank account where guests could deposit cash or transfer money online. We also recieved cash and cheques. We politly said to guests on an insert in their invite that their presence is more important than their presents howvere if it was their wish to buy a gift we would appreciate a donation towards our honeymoon. We gave them the bank account details.

    We didnt hear any negative feedback at all,. These days lots of married couples have already lived together and its more common to ask for cash or vouchers rather than have an old fashioned gift list.
    Just owe Dad £2500 for a new car
    :A

    Paid off car loan 22nd August 2009. :T
  • But how would the bride and groom do their thank you letters? Some people might put nothing in at all.
    Guests spend alot attending weddings and put alot of thought into gifts so deserve a personalised thank you note in my opinion.
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