'Don't be afraid to ask for wedding cash instead of gifts' blog discussion

Brodiebobs · 26 April 2011 at 9:23PM

Errata wrote: »

Whilst a bridal couple may not have an exact idea of how much a guest may have spent on their gift, they will know exactly how much cash a guest manages to cough up. That's what makes requests for cash naff, selfish and in very poor taste.

not at all what about people who have wedding gift lists at a certain shop, of course they know how much you paid! :mad:

I'm sure if you invited people who really cared about you, they would understand why you asked for cash, as would you appreciate if they decided to gift you cash, not judge them by how much they 'coughed up'. As i previously said we didnt want gifts, but as people were asking, we said cash or vouchers, and were shocked and extremely grateful for the money we received.

Tigsteroonie · 26 April 2011 at 9:24PM

I am another person who finds a request for money in lieu of a wedding gift simply rude. If you can't afford to pay for your own wedding, honeymoon or house deposit, then you should really lower your expectations. I'm afraid I ignore such requests and find a gift that I think will be appreciated in time, such as a special photo frame.

mrbrightside842 · 26 April 2011 at 9:33PM

I don't find asking for cash rude, I'd probably end up spending more on people for a gift than what I'd give them in cash. Saves me money and saves me shopping for an item that could end up in a charity shop. I tend to think people don't like giving cash as they'd rather bargain hunt an item thus making it look like they've spent more than they actually have, but if the item is of no use then the money spent is wasted. It's like at Christmas; I have a relative who must spend £20 on me every year, on rubbish. I gratefully accept and then stash it away for a few months before donating it to a charity shop, but I'd honestly rather she didn't waste her money and got me nothing. Or saved herself some money and just gave me a tenner.

luxor4t · 26 April 2011 at 9:37PM

I am on the 'cash' side of the fence.

It is traditional to give wedding gifts and to suit the gift to the recipients. I am happy to give cash or vouchers as a gift if that is what the young couple need.
This is heavily biased by my own experiences as a young bride (many years ago) when I was given a total of 13 casseroles, 7 quiche plates, three ashtrays (we were both non-smokers) and 2 sets of brushed nylon bedding, both too small for the bed.... MiL thought a gift list was ill-mannered and refused to circulate it.
Instead, most of the gifts sat in a box unused.

DD (recently married) was given at least 5 photo frames - sadly destined to be white elephants imo.

MrsE_2 · 26 April 2011 at 9:46PM

bylromarha wrote: »

Another couple who had been living together for years and again on more money than us and had a stupidly expensive guest list where, I kid you not, the cheapest thing on it was a teaspoon at £20. We got them a couple of cook books for £20 instead which we knew they didn't have but had complemented meals we'd cooked them from it..

I don't understand your attitude. If you are happy to spend £20 why not get them something of their choice off the gift list - the £20 spoon.
I can't understand why you would choose something not on the list for the same money?

Errata · 26 April 2011 at 9:46PM

not at all what about people who have wedding gift lists at a certain shop, of course they know how much you paid! :mad:

Just because a gift list is lodged at a certain shop doesn't mean that guests can't ignore it and buy something from another shop.

postingalwaysposting · 26 April 2011 at 9:59PM

Rude, just plain rude! As for -

You’re likely to be shelling out a serious sum of cash for your wedding but lots of people are willing to effectively pay you back in return for going to the ceremony

Excuse me! If I have to 'effectively' pay for my ticket to the ceremony/reception then give my invite so someone else. What on earth gave you that idea? Yes I know in some cultures/religions money is the 'done' thing but in my opinion asking for cash is a no, no and extremely rude.

GracieP · 26 April 2011 at 10:01PM

I'm not too sure where the "can afford" to not expect gifts comes from. People should never plan anything around the gifts they get. That's unbelievably irresponsible. Gifts are meant to be a bonus, not something already accounted for, and relied on in your budget.

When I got married, less than 5 years ago, it cost £93 for the marriage ceremony and copy of the certificate. Everything else, the rings, our clothes, the party, the honeymoon, etc was just gravy. Guests should never feel obligated to pay for the trappings that someone else chooses for their wedding.

A guest gives a gift if they choose to, not the other way around. However if a guest does choose to give a gift, then they really should give a gift they know (or at least honestly believes) the couple wants, not a gift they want to give. As doing otherwise is almost as bad as making your expectation of a gift known.

bylromarha · 26 April 2011 at 10:34PM

MrsE wrote: »

I don't understand your attitude. If you are happy to spend £20 why not get them something of their choice off the gift list - the £20 spoon.
I can't understand why you would choose something not on the list for the same money?

As £20 for 1 teaspoon is not a gift I'm happy to give, especially when we knew they had a pile of smart teaspoons already.

Just like £20 cash would not have been given to them when they had a massive salary.

The gift is for the giver to choose, not for the receipient to request.

melancholly · 26 April 2011 at 11:21PM

bylromarha wrote: »

The gift is for the giver to choose, not for the receipient to request.

although i completely agree with that, it's seriously hard to buy for people without a list or who don't specify cash or vouchers. no-one has ever 'requested' a gift from me for a wedding but it's usually common courtesy to ask if they have a list after getting an invitation.

getting a whole load of useless stuff seems incredibly wasteful. without a list there will be duplications or just things that aren't wanted/needed. i'd hate to buy something they hated that they felt obliged to keep in a cupboard. but i guess other people would sooner buy a personal gift (tricky to get something for the home when you haven't visited recently though, as often happens with people who live some distance away).

i'd sooner have clear guidelines and will happily follow them! anyone who will judge me for how much i spend isn't someone whose wedding i would ever want to attend anyway.

cash/vouchers seem to be entirely acceptable these days. anyone mortally offended by that should probably prepare to get upset more and more as weddings happen with established couples rather than on the point of moving in.

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'Don't be afraid to ask for wedding cash instead of gifts' blog discussion

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