Pressure from 'Friends' and people you know
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MoneySavingExpert
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This sounds very similar to the kind of wedding we would like, something with our most intimate friends. Weddings throw up all kinds of politics...
You have hit the nail on the head with what you said about not spending money on things because you don't want to. Its almost as if people assume that if you don't want to do something its because you can't afford it. It seems like sometimes everything becomes a !!!!ing contest of who will just say yes to anything.
Just got to put my two pennyworth in here. It seems like your OH comes from a family that like to spend money as before when asked by her mum what she was getting for a neice for easter and she said a egg - her mum appeared shocked - I do think this is where most of it comes from. But you on the other hand come from a different perspective.
She likes to keep up with the Jones although you are trying to put her on the right track. These are her friends and there seems to be quite a lot of them each trying to keep up or better one another. These are NOT true friends but your OH is one of them.
Just keep trying to instill your financial ways into her (may take a long time) Think she needs to see some examples of what being in real debt means and how it can destroy your life. Example 1. Me - im just about 65 and shall have to work until I drop - Why - because I enjoyed myself far too much, spent far too much and now Im paying the price. Wish I had had a crystal ball when I was 25!!
If someone wants to get married abroad and wants to have guests then I think its up to them to pay for the guests especially when its so expensive. Let them go themselves, how selfish of them to ask people to be paying £1900 just to see their wedding.
Her parents have worked all their lives in pretty average jobs, they have lots of holidays and stuff but they do a lot of overtime to pay for it, they have very little debt and are mortgage free (aged 52). That said, I don't think they fully appreciate that it costs quite a bit more to get on the property ladder then it did when they first started out. They splash out now but I think they forget that they didn't always have it this good, before they where mortgage free and maybe forget that we can't do the same as them even tho they don't earn as much as we do.
By contrast, my parents have been in pretty average jobs all of their lives until about 15 years ago, my dad started his own business after being made redundant in 1996, since then he has earned around 100-150k a year, which in the north east is quite a large wage. Even still, they seem to live outside of their means (I think this is where I learned I don't want to be like them), they have a lot of money coming into the house but still have a large mortgage and lots of car finance etc.
My parents hang around in a big group of friends, that they have been in since they where about 20, very similar to the dynamic of my group of friends actually and I can see a lot of similarities, they too have friends who are on average wages and one or two who are very rich (millionaires), I have grown up seeing them compete with each other for no apparent reason, and I guess I see from the outside that there are no winners in this scenario.
I see the stress that my dad has on his shoulders on a daily basis, and I don't want to follow in his footsteps. I could have joined the family business at 16 if I had wanted to but I would rather do something I love then get an easy ride. So I went to uni and did what I enjoy doing. I really don't get people sometimes though, my parents could quite easily sell up now and never work again but they slave themselves to debt to pay for £80,000 cars and holidays in the maldives etc. I just don't think its worth it. I guess thats their own decision to make though.
My OH has now changed massively in her attitude to money as a result of what her friends have been like over the past 6 months, she is not a material girl she just gets easily led, she has a good heart though and she deserves to be happy. I think she was just in the wrong group of people for a while who have been making her confuse things for happiness.
I agree with what your saying about people paying towards their guests for holidays abroad, we have factored in the cost of paying for people who will not be able to pay for themselves into our budget as we really want everyone close to us to be able to make it.
Other people's demons CANNOT be allowed to rule YOUR life. We only get one shot at it, and we owe it to ourselves to do the best we can.
I have recently fallen out of friendship with pretty much my whole social circle - we enjoyed each other's company but it always seemed to revolve around spending money. Following the death of one of us (just before her 40th birthday :eek:) we've all just drifted apart.
On the positive side, I'm getting married on July 1st to the father of my 2 youngest. The most expensive part of the day is the register office(£270). My outfit has cost about £100, he's making do with a suit he already has - although I've seen a great t-shirt for him saying "Never mind the wedding, let's go to the Pub":rotfl: We've said to all the aunts/uncles/cousins/anyone else who cares that they're welcome to join us for a drink at our local, where we'll buy a meal for the wedding party (15 all together). We've always felt like the poor relations, so now we'll act like it, although we're in a better position financially than we've been in years.
Hope everything works out for you OP, you ARE doing the right thing - for YOU and your future.
Nobody can sustain the lifestyle of credit cards forever. At some point the money has to be paid back.
Just had a wry smile at that quote! Spent my 20s being irresponsible and having "fun". Facing the consequences and paying it back in my early 30s made me realise that it wasn't that much fun getting in to debt and having to pay it all back certainly wasn't fun at all!
Stick to your guns and spend what you want and not what others xpect you to.
Debt free March 2010
:T :T :T
That's the key of the matter really, isn't it?
Half of my 'group' earn a similar low wage to me, half a lot higher. Some have a lot of debt, some (well really just me) save a lot. We always respect each others financial position- to us it's the quality of time spent with pals that matters, it doesn't matter what we're doing. A night away camping, an inexpensive night out in our home town where no one has to get a cab home and drinks are inexpensive, dinner at a friends house, a murder mystery or board games evening etc
I hope it all works out for you and your OH- friends should value you, not your wallet.