Adult son starting 1st job - how much should he pay(staying at home)

jem16 · 19 July 2006 at 9:54AM

Thank you all for your comments and different ways of dealing with this kind of situation. I do appreciate them.

As I have said, I am in no need of the money to either treat myself nor save for my retirement but will take "rent" from him to help prepare for life on his own. I like the idea of giving some or all of it back to him when he leaves home but I would have expected him to have saved something too.

Freebie-junkie- you are obviously fiercely independent. However part of being a "mature" adult is recognising that the opinions of others are just as valuable as your own. Please try to be less aggressive in your argument - you may find it changes when/if you have children of your own some day

Searcher2 · 19 July 2006 at 2:25PM

freebie_junkie wrote:

my oh's next door neighbour is 40 and still lives at home, hes got a degree too, bet his parents did taht stupid rent back thing.

Freebie-junkie... You get upset when people assume things about you from your level of grammar/spelling yet you are happy to make negative assumptions about other people you do not know.

One of the points of this thread is to discuss what is reasonable rent. One of the good things about (happy) families is that they can support one another. Instead of giving mortgage lenders money some families may choose to give/lend offspring money to get them going. I know my grandad leant money to my mum and dad to buy their house and then my mum leant money to my sister to buy their house. To me this is prudent and kind at the same time. I know I would be happy to give my parents something back after years of support in the guise of rent - and as discussed 25%-30% seems reasonable. As for parents giving children money being 'wierd and kinda sad' from a money saving point of view it can be tax efficient in that if parents know that they will leave money to children on death then they could be subject to inheritance tax. Parents may as will give it to them when they are alive.

[Deleted User] · 19 July 2006 at 3:51PM

Sorry for mocking your learning difficulty freebie-junky.

I did have the advantage of touch typing lessons at school (why don't they still do this?) and i was just teasing your frequent typo. My gf is dyslexic and would give me a slap for being mean.

I think this may all be a bit of a class thing, the middle class 'thing to do' is to help your kids out so they can reach the same standard of living as you. It's just a different way of doing things.

freebie_junkie · 20 July 2006 at 10:30AM

ringo_24601 wrote:

Sorry for mocking your learning difficulty freebie-junky.

I did have the advantage of touch typing lessons at school (why don't they still do this?) and i was just teasing your frequent typo. My gf is dyslexic and would give me a slap for being mean.

I think this may all be a bit of a class thing, the middle class 'thing to do' is to help your kids out so they can reach the same standard of living as you. It's just a different way of doing things.

that must be right, teh working class thing to do is to help your kids to be able to do it themselves, in my family pride comes from having done it yourself, people would pretty much laugh at you if your mum and dad had helped you get your house, theyds say it was your mum and dads house not yours. from my very first pocket money i was taught how to save and i always came up with ideas to look after myself and make my own cash, i guess it just annoys me when otehr people dont do that, i cant see teh point i suppose? i guess i should coz im oh is middle-class and his parents are teh opposite of mine, he managed to come out of it not spoilt but his brother is really spoilt (hes 18 and he cried on christmas day until his mum made him a cheese sandwich even though dinner was due in an hour!) i dont want that to happen to a whole generation of pampered kids coz if everyoen is that spoilt teh world will be a pretty awful place to live. when i have kids id nevber let them starve or owt but i wont dole out tonnes of casdh to them either, instead ill teach them how to get taht cash or save it up for themselves, the feeling when you buy stuff with your own cash is amazing, you think, 'thats mine and no one can ever take it off me' if i bought my first house with money given to me, id be constantly panicking taht it didnt belong to me! im sorry for getting irate, i get so much stick for being dyspraxic i started work on monday and teh womna doing teh orientatiuon shouted at me coz i asked for my contract to be read to me coz it was in tiny type! i was kinda men in soem of teh things i said and i apologise.

williamo_2 · 20 July 2006 at 7:26PM

I pay my parents £120 a month to cover any costs as soon as I graduated and started a full time job, depends on your salary really if your earning 16 - 17k and a first job I think £120 a month is reasonable.

Churchmouse · 20 July 2006 at 7:52PM

Freebie-junkie you're still doing it!!! Classifying people according to some strange system. People are people are people! They're all different, mostly interesting and not from some sort of mold not matter what you believe!

Helping, or wishing to help your children, is not a class thing!

I know from your posts on the freebies board, and indeed your username, that you enjoy scrounging freebies from shops, manufacturers etc. I know you give some away as gifts. I have read you say how you're proud to brazenly go into a shop and ask for free samples and I know you've written to companies asking for free samples. So not everything must be paid for. Presumably you count these things as yours? Does your family give each other gifts that have been paid for? I'll bet the answer is yes. Do you consider the gift to be yours or still the person's who gave it? I suspect you'd consider it yours. So what we're talking about here is scale of gift.

A box of chocolates every week is OK, but a few thousand pounds towards a house is just not on? If you parents own property (and I don't just mean a house, it could be jewelry or a car) when they die what will happen? Will you or someone else receive the "gift" of that property, or is it to be given to the state? If you are to receive it why would it be alright to have it from a dead mummy or daddy, but not a live one? Hope you can see where I'm going here.

Children of those you want to class "working class" can be just as spoiled as those from any other "class" of family. I repeat people are people are people!!

Sorry to have hijacked this thread, don't know why but this one just got to me, and not because I got a big property hand-out from mummy and daddy! See my earlier post!!

freebie_junkie · 20 July 2006 at 8:42PM

wow! you apologise and people jump down your throat regardless! bllomin nora! btw my parents are very young so theyre not gonna die anytime soon and when they do i dont give a brass monkey who their house and other stuiff goes to, how can a house replace a person? gifts are given for a certain occasion, if its my birthday im given a gift whioch is mine to keep, just as when its their birthday i give them a gift which is theirs to keep but we dont give each other stuff all the time willy-nilly. i do ask for free samples but i also spend a lot of cash in the stores i get them from (e.g. on teh lancome counter as all my make-up is from there). if you read the post that i was replying to, ringo_24601 suggested that maybe it was a class thing (trust me, read it!) and i was simply agreeing with him/her why havent you had a go at him/her too? as s/he was suggesting certainm things about middle class people and therefore grouping people which apparently really annoys you so whay not have a go at them too? or did you just want to twist teh knife into me a wee bit more because i catagorecally do not agree with parents giving kids handouts from rent theyve taken in exchange for a service (room, food, electric, gas, washing etc etc) no otehr landlord/ mortgage provider does this so its giving peopel an unrealistic view of teh world, imagine buying a car paying monthy then once youve paid it off you get all your cash back, wouldnt happen would it?

Churchmouse · 21 July 2006 at 12:16AM

Not going to argue freebie-junkie, but if you think the relationship to a mortgage provider and a parent are the same then you have real problems. I am not nor ever will be my children's landlord.

Incidentally I have never been in the situation to be able to give my children their rent back, for whatever purpose, but I would have liked to have been!!

AussieLass · 21 July 2006 at 6:37AM

I charge my DD $50 per week for board which is less than then 25 pounds. I use it for household expenses. I don't give any back to her nor did I give any back to my sons when they lived at home. I taught them how to save, budget etc. It's up to them to save. I don't see the point if they are spending their money on rubbish and then in a few years time handing them back their board.

They have learnt nothing. If I was going to keep the money aside I would probably put it towards a wedding fund or something like that where although she will benefit from it she doesn't know she's actually help fund it.

Churchmouse · 21 July 2006 at 9:05AM

AussieLass wrote:

If I was going to keep the money aside I would probably put it towards a wedding fund or something like that where although she will benefit from it she doesn't know she's actually help fund it.

But that's the point, if they're not told how the money was saved, and are not aware it is being saved for them, what's the difference what it's used for?

And that's a whole other thread, weddings and who pays for them!!:D

I think (and actually did) that the couple involved should fund it themselves!! However I don't find it disgusting if others want to fund them an entirely different way;) Horses for courses!:D

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Adult son starting 1st job - how much should he pay(staying at home)

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