My whole life has gone BANG

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
83 replies 10.8K views
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  • (((massive hugs)))
    :jIm going to be frugal:j
    :DIm going to be frugal:D
    ;)Im going to be frugal;)
    Beetlejuice Beetlejuice...................:rotfl:
  • Spoke to her last night, and we are fine, get on really well still.

    She just says her head is a mess and does not know what she wants and I do not help when I am around. As she does not feel in control of her life.

    Finding it hard today, just feel down and loney. As the house is empty. The kids are coming back at lunch time so that should lift me.
  • She came home again on sunday night, and we talked and chilled out, first time in about 5 weeks.

    She is adment that we need to seperate and wont wear her engament ring or wedding ring, it hurts as to me they are my heart and soul.

    She still says she does not know what she wants, and if she stays with me, she will also ask question herself on what if. If its somthing else, I wish she would just say, so I can get on with mylife, deal with it. and not sit wondering, if she will realise her mistakes and comeback to me.

    As if I move on, I do not think I will be able to go back. I am young (31) have a okish job and do not exactly like shrek. And am a nice enough bloke, if not a little to nice at times to get walked over.... So it will happen, I will end up moving on. Hopefully with out losing control buying a sports can and getting an 18year old girlfriend...

    I am worried we split, and do what ever, she will get in the same loop in 5 years with somebody else, nice house, the kids, and think, what if. And freakout again. which will not be an issue to me, but it will be to my kids. One is already up to there 2nd daddy (not that he really knows, he just thinks I am not his birth daddy) , I dread to think what anymore would do to him. she is not like that, but it could happen, as its not just her people need to take on. so its not just in her head that people are the right on.

    Other worry she ends up in a 3 bedroom flat with the kids, doing what she wants when I have the kids, and spirals out of control, and really becomes lost in finding what she wants. As the next big adventure is round the corner. Again wont be my problem, but the kids will be.

    Or even worse goes up to her mams full time, and then 6 months later realises that the weeks away was not a reality, and the reality is a much colder and harder thing.

    She claims to know about this, but I really do not think she does. If she is prepared to shatter a stable home, for a what if. But if she stay in a stable home she will be lost, till she finds out about her what if. It could be 2 weeks it could be 2 years, it could be never. I am just hanging off a string, which I do not want to cut, but may well need to.

    The hard thing is she says she loves so much, and does not want to hurt me ! If she just told me the crack it would be so much easier, but she just says she does not know. I would rather it be, she wants to play the field again, hates my being in the room etc.

    I think the only course of action is to leave, and she will then realise what I fetch to her life. It may not be perfect in her mind, but what does her mind think is perfect.... I have done nothing wrong in all of this and supported her 200% if not more so. I am hurting but at the end of the day, I will recover and it is her who will have to live forever with the fact she has messed up so badly on a what if.... not just for her but for everybody else involved.

    No matter what she thinks she is missing out on, she will miss out on me more in the longrun. It just feels I need to give her a shake to get a reality check, but I know that would not work. she needs to find it out in herself.

    Doctors signed her off for another 3 weeks, and she saw the MIND counciller about her OCD and depression. Still waiting for the NHS one to come through, which might help her greive about her step dad and mams issues.

    Still go on holiday on Sunday for 2 weeks, for the kids and the escape. It will be good to get away for 2 weeks as we do get on so well. Its when we get home the reality will hit.

    and life can start again.
  • Great. Had a nice clam nightlast nite.

    Her mam txt at 6pm, saying she was going to the beach as it was nice. and to call later.

    Tried calling and txting till 10pm, nothing, then got a phone call at 10:30pm that somebody had found her after having drank a carton of wine walking along the cliffs.... they took her home and put her on the sofa, in recovery position with a bucket, checked her medication but could not tell if she had taken anything or not.

    Wife spoke to her and she did not know if she had taken anything or not. But then said she hadnt

    Wife spent whole nite on edge stressed, head mashed. Called her at 8am, and her mam just said she had a really bad hangover and to call back later....

    I just wish she would realise what she is doing to my wife, she felt toatally helpless with her being awayfrom her, but in reality she can not baby sit her., for the rest of her life.
  • Another day another update.

    She has decided she wants to go live in the same area as her mam, to clear her head. Stay with her first then see how she feels.

    She never wants to return to this area, as it feels its half the cause of the problems. And if she is with her mam, she wont feel as on edge as she does here.

    She is taking the kids, as its best they are with her, and the medication has really calmed her down and made her more rational and stable. And tbh a better mother than she has been in a longtime. More time for kids, less for cleaning etc

    Losing the kids will kill me, esp after the last months with all the interaction with them. But she will be able to provide more for them. With me it would be child care from 8-6 everyday.

    I will try and get to see them, or they will come down every month, and speak everynite on the webcam or telephone.

    I am hurting really bad, but we have 2 weeks holiday together, so we have a big family time send off. And time to make plans without distractions from the rest of the world.

    Things may work out in the future, but for the forseable future, thats all folks.....
  • Steel_2Steel_2 Forumite
    1.6K Posts
    I'm so sorry to hear things have gone so far so quickly. I hope everything turns out well for you all in the future, and please take care of yourself.

    Don't forget all of these boards are here if you ever need advice, suggestions or even a good rant about everything from mortgages to decorating to ebay scamsters. Everything you can think of, someone is here to help.

    Stay on here with us for a while and get to know us. We're not a bad bunch....

    :grouphug:

    (That was supposed to be a group hug, although it looks a tad ruder than that sometimes).

    xSteelx
    "carpe that diem"
  • Not going anywere. Just the end of this chapter in my life. I think. Never know, it might have a little bit more some day... Wonder if the Sunday papers will pay m e for the story
  • <hugs>

    I wish you and your family all the best - I hope things work out.
    The IVF worked;DS born 2006.
  • rhemerheme Forumite
    1K Posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭
    Just be aware that if your wife takes the children to Scotland then they fall under a different legal system.

    Suggest before this happens you take advice from a lawyer.

    This chapter in your life hasn't ended as you have children who will always be part of your life and you part of theirs. Hoping somehow this has a happy ending.

    Take care and best wishes to all.
  • kizzykizzywizzykizzykizzywizzy Forumite
    6.9K Posts
    Part of the Furniture
    ✭✭✭✭
    Sorry things look so bleak at the moment, I think you are being very understanding & compliant, maybe too much!!
    It's hardly fair on you or the children to only see each other once a month.
    I just hope she sees sense & comes home soon.
    I on the other hand see my Husband ( soon to be ex ) more than I have in the last 4 & half months, & he doesn't want to be with me !!
    Funny old world just wish I could understand it
    Take care hopefully things will look brighter soon x
    Comping again - wins so far : 2 V festival tix, 2 NFL tix, 6 bottles of wine, personalised hand soap, Aussie miracle conditioner :beer:

    Married my best friend 15/4/16 :)
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