asking oh to leave

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
12 replies 1.3K views
skintas_2skintas_2 Forumite
1.7K Posts
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
ive asked oh to leave the family home, all weekend he was drinking, all thru sunday nite he was drinking, didnt get up to go to work monday, monday he got a phone call a friends realitive had died, he went to see them then went drinking after, with our last money of the week. i needed that as the summer holidays need to take the kids out, take the cat to the vets, how could he be so selfish. he came home we had a frew words he kicked and hit me, i called the police they arrested him. i love him i just dont like him anymore, ive got my kids to think about. ive asked him to leave, get a room, vist at weekends when hes sober,if not hes not seeing the kids, am i being unreasonable.... this isnt the first time this behaviour has happend.:confused:
i will be debt free, i will
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Replies

  • wifeforlifewifeforlife Forumite
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    Hey

    Didnt want to read and run on you!

    Well done on being so strong so far, other people wouldnt have been able to call the police. I think you've done the right thing to be honest.

    You have to put yourself and your children first and foremost, he obviously has issues that he needs to deal with. If you love him, tell him your there for him when he's ready but you need to be by yourself and he in his own place until whatever he's drinking for is dealt with.

    I hope someone with more experience or advice comes along to chat, feel free to email anytime you want

    Goodluck
    Cate
  • skintas_2skintas_2 Forumite
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    thanx for the good advice, he says he drinks because he cant deal with my depression, maybe its caused by his drinking like a vicious circle. i want to break it now, deal with the kids and myslef, ive been to counsellors and on anti depressants, ive sorted myself out, the drink is a excuse, im not having it anymore,yeah he needs to sort himself out, then maybe 6 months down the line he can come back to the family home, its been goin on for the last 5 years ive finaaly had enough
    i will be debt free, i will
  • No you are not being unreasonable. He is the one that is acting unreasonably. If you let him get away with it, it will happen again, and again. I agree with cathy 2702 one hundred per cent. Look after yourself and the kids. Once he has finished beating you he could start beating them.
    I wish you well.
  • AncalimeAncalime Forumite
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    Hi
    I just want to say what you did was really brave. look after yourself and the kids. Remember there are organisations which can help you with the situation that you are in. Don't be afraid to ask.

    stay strong and let us know how you are.
    New house, garden and kitten. oh my!
    :rotfl:Member 258# of Murphy the Cats no more pies club
  • Stephb1986_2Stephb1986_2 Forumite
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    well done hun you did the right thing!

    If its not the first time it wont be the last i know from my own experience my dad was like it it hit my mum, me and my brother i was 6 when he left but still remember the times he hit us for no reason well he was an alcoholic.

    It sounds like your husband needs councelling and to see a doctor to get some anti depressants.

    Not only do you have to protect your kids you have to protect yourself at the end of the day your their mum they need you. So you did the right thing, you dont really want your kids remembering that daddy hit mummy do you?

    When i was a kid i didnt realise the seriousness of what i did i told a school teacher my dad had burnt me with a cigarette wishing that he would get locked up for it and leave us alone (he didnt really i was using a new carpet as a slide and got carpet burn) But i was only 5! it just made things worse :(

    Chin up love

    Steph xx
  • floss2floss2 Forumite
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    skintas wrote: »
    thanx for the good advice, he says he drinks because he cant deal with my depression, maybe its caused by his drinking like a vicious circle. i want to break it now, deal with the kids and myslef, ive been to counsellors and on anti depressants, ive sorted myself out, the drink is a excuse, im not having it anymore,yeah he needs to sort himself out, then maybe 6 months down the line he can come back to the family home, its been goin on for the last 5 years ive finaaly had enough

    Well done for starting to break the cycle :grouphug:

    Practicalities now:
    Your family home - whose name is it in? Is it mortgaged or rented?
    Money - how will you manage without his income? Do you have any income of your own?
    Children - how are they coping with his behaviour? Do you need to think about support from others for them?
    Family members - are any other members of your families aware of his behaviour & what has happened?

    Good luck
    Floss x
  • PaparikaPaparika Forumite
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    skintas wrote: »
    thanx for the good advice, he says he drinks because he cant deal with my depression, maybe its caused by his drinking like a vicious circle. i want to break it now, deal with the kids and myslef, ive been to counsellors and on anti depressants, ive sorted myself out, the drink is a excuse, im not having it anymore,yeah he needs to sort himself out, then maybe 6 months down the line he can come back to the family home, its been goin on for the last 5 years ive finaaly had enough

    Typical, so it's all your fault is it.

    No thats the answer it is not your fault, he needs to wake up and grow up, i bet your depressed because he drinks,

    Be strong like you have, you have determination and that's fantastic, you have done a fantastic job with the kids, keep going it's gonna get easier
    Life is about give and take, if you can't give why should you take?
  • SparkkeeSparkkee Forumite
    495 Posts
    skintas you're being perfectly reasonable. and exceptionally brave.

    get some rest and get over the shock of what you've done, and then start thinking about the future: money, accomodation, access to the children...

    it's going to be hard work, but no harder than taking that first step.
    Oo==Murphys' No More Pies Club Member #156==oO
    Oo== Weight 1/1/08 14st2lb =O= Target Weight 10st =O= Weight 23/01/09 12st10lb==oO
  • pukkamumpukkamum Forumite
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    Well done skintas you are being very strong very brave and an excellant mother! You will get through this, but i have some advice instead of thinking you will probably get back together think in terms of being without him and what you need to do to. Otherwise he may well be able to wear you down into taking him back.
    I don't get nearly enough credit for not being a violent psychopath.
  • swiss69swiss69 Forumite
    355 Posts
    How can you "love him" when he hits and kicks you?

    Believe me you are better off without this man in your life and so are the kids.
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