List Of The Dead And Their True Csa Hell

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Child Support
59 replies 25.8K views
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  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    No, it's called being selfish. When you are a parent your nurture your child that you decided to bring into the world and you don't bail out when the going gets tough and you think you will never get out of a situation.
    Very understanding and caring comment on your part!;) , not sure if a GP would agree with you on that score. As I've quoted before, those who commit suicide are ill and need help not condemnation. After all if was your own child as a grown adult, (and these individuals are someones flesh and blood) would you help, or just think them selfish that they felt that way?. It's easy to be critical when the boots on the other foot...
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    Put it this way...no matter how bad things get, I would never ever ever dream of leaving my daughter without a mother. She needs me just like these children needed their fathers but rather than face a tricky situation they took the cowards way out.
  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    Put it this way...no matter how bad things get, I would never ever ever dream of leaving my daughter without a mother. She needs me just like these children needed their fathers but rather than face a tricky situation they took the cowards way out.
    Would you quote that to a Mother who has lost her son through the pressure of the CSA?. I can hear it now, "well sorry but your son was just a coward taking his life", isn't that rather sad?. Be honest would you like to be faced with such a remark, as a mother myself I don't think so. Come on have some compassion for these individuals!...
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    I have compassion but like many others on here don't believe for a second that it was solely the CSA that made these people decide that their children shouldn't have a father. As you have said, these people were ill and for someone to kill themselves over a bill of a few hundred pounds (in some cases) because arrears had accrued were clearly extremely unstable beforehand. But saying someone owed the gas company money doesn't quite have the 'sexed up' factor as saying money was due to the CSA and that 'they made him do it'.

    You're a mother - could you ever imagine your leaving your precious bundle without a Mummy? No, I didn't think so and neither could I.
  • duchyduchy Forumite
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    So many selfish people-no thought for their kids whatsoever.
    Mental illness certainly plays a part-but it isn't the whole picture.
    I'm in an on-going battle with the CSA at the moment-yes they are hopeless and there is little accountabilty BUT no government department is going to drive me to the point of leaving my child.
    To be fair the CSA do ignore change of circumstance letters-I'm around £3000 short because of this at the moment and I know when/if the CSA do issue a correct notice my ex is going to freak out especially if they demand a lump sum settlement. His new partner has expectations and it's hardly fair that he will take such a massive hit in one go-especially as the CSA admit they recieved the right documentation and did nothing with it until I brought it to their attention. It WILL damage the relationship between my ex and our son-despite the fact he HAS kept them fully informed(the CSA admit they just didn't action the change)-I can only imagine what harm it does in situations where the NRP is trying to dodge them and far larger arrears build up.
    However NOTHING excuses a parent from leaving their child with the legacy that their parent killed themselves because they couldn't/wouldn't pay to support that child-and the damage that does to the child for life.
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  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    I have compassion but like many others on here don't believe for a second that it was solely the CSA that made these people decide that their children shouldn't have a father. As you have said, these people were ill and for someone to kill themselves over a bill of a few hundred pounds (in some cases) because arrears had accrued were clearly extremely unstable beforehand. But saying someone owed the gas company money doesn't quite have the 'sexed up' factor as saying money was due to the CSA and that 'they made him do it'.

    You're a mother - could you ever imagine your leaving your precious bundle without a Mummy? No, I didn't think so and neither could I.
    No I couldn't, but then lets get this into perspective here as you seem to be avoiding the issue. Yes, I'm sure there are others who do agree with you, that it is not solely the CSA that causes individuals to commit suicide. But have you also considered, maybe the addition of a vindictive former ex plays a huge part. I'm sure their are Fathers out there that don't do their bit, but there are also an awful lot of those that do. And lets face it, us females are not that perfect either are we?. Whats the old saying, "hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned" quoted by William Congreve. ( "yes a typical man I hear you cry, but how true!!")
  • Loopy_GirlLoopy_Girl Forumite
    4.4K Posts
    I didn't miss the point. I thought that fathers who commited suicide over letters from the CSA were selfish gits. You disagreed and we were having an adult discussion.

    Vindictive former ex's are not the work of the CSA. They are the making of themselves.

    So back to the point. I feel sorry and have compassion for P's WC who struggle to make sure their family have a reasonable standard of living, I have compassion for NRP's who desperately want to see their children and pay for them but can't because of bitter ex's. The whole sorry state of a fragmented family saddens me. NRP's who leave their child(ren) without a family just plain disgust and anger me.
  • hera123 wrote: »
    Oh dear, lots of anger going on there it seems!, individuals who are driven over the edge don't stop to consider who they leave behind. It's called being ill and needing help..
    :rotfl: :rotfl: You haven't got a clue but at least your still in training ;)
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  • ebegeeebegee Forumite
    6 Posts
    Zara33 wrote: »
    :rotfl: :rotfl: You haven't got a clue but at least your still in training ;)

    It is YOU that has no clue.

    I have read this thread with interest. Clearly a very emotive subject.
    As someone that has been through this trauma, i can assure you this. I am not a coward and nor am i selfish. I was driven to do what i tried to do, by the csa. Strong words you may say. But they were true in my mind.
    I have three children with my ex, and i tried to pay what i could for my kids each week. I never wanted the split, and I felt very bitter about it. But it happened and i became a weekend father, through no fault of my own.
    I was earning £875 a month in my job. My rent was £380, i was earning too much for housing and council tax benefit. add the gas and electric. TV licence, travel, phone etc etc .. Not an awful lot left is there i thought .. csa wanted £300 a month out of me.
    I had no life and more to the point my ex in her vindictive way, poisoned my children against me. So visits to me became less and less too.
    Some other man became my childrens father. and me i was supressed by the system to exist and nothing more.
    In my mind at the time. i was worthless.
    and that is why i attempted the ultimate act.

    I am still here to tell the tale. I have not seen my children for a year.
  • hera123hera123 Forumite
    22 Posts
    Zara33 wrote: »
    :rotfl: :rotfl: You haven't got a clue but at least your still in training ;)
    tut, tut, well the quote certainly amused our household thats for certain, although a rather adolescent remark to say the least. Therefore I shall leave you to your lonely inner quest and to wave the bitterness banner with pride:T .
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