Wife in hospital,Unreasonable employer.5 yr old child

frugallass

Apart from negotiating emergency annual leave with your employers there's not a lot you can do

Have you got friends who could maybe take it in turns to visit your wife at home just to make sure she has something to eat and can get to the loo etc

If she is quite badly incapacitated surely she should be assessed as such at the hospital and they should provide an OT to see what problems she encounters at home, maybe social work could provide some 'home care'

Good luck - hope you manage to get something sorted

To Nicki, the poster who said that there are disabled people out there coping, surely that's what the OP's wife is, even if it is temporary (hopefully)

tonyp41

Ok Thanks to everyone for all your advice...BUT as always it all boils down to 'So!!!!!! just get on with it and STOP WHINNING...Thanks Anyway

liney

I could understand if the child was a baby/todder, but at 5 they are at school for a good 6 hours daily, and are old enough to understand they can't play mommy up because she's poorly.

If i'm honest i think an employee requesting 4 weeks paid time off because his wife has a broken arm, could be considered unreasonable. If i were you i would book off a fortnight to help out while she gets used to managing one handed then go back to work.

Merlot

tonyp41 wrote: »

Ok Thanks to everyone for all your advice...BUT as always it all boils down to 'So!!!!!! just get on with it and STOP WHINNING...Thanks Anyway

You asked for advice and you have been given it, because you don't like the advice given.

Tonyp41, parents have to manage, just be grateful at this moment that your son is 5 years old and not 5 months old, then you would have problems. Count your blessing your wife is not seriously hurt and that it may be a hassle for a couple of weeks, but thats nothing compared to the plight of thousands in Burma and China just now.

Zazen999

Hi
Having shattered the same bone a while back; I was off work for 8 weeks to recover so it is likely that...
her arm won't be in plaster, it will be bound.
She will be able to do alot more than you think; I was peeling spuds the day after my op; she won't be able to lift anything heavy [including son], and will be on painkillers for a good while, thus making her very tired. Doubtful she will be driving for a long while [if she drives now]; I had to get rid of the manual car and get an automatic as I still can't use a gearstick for more than about 20 miles without getting real bad pain in the elbow.

She'll need a lot of support, and looking after a 5 year old won't be easy; but perhaps you could ask for flexible working so that you can drop off/pick up your son. But, she will be able to do alot more than you think she will be; as long as she gets good rest in between looking after your son.

I've got a SD, and looked after her ok [yes, she' s a bit older and not with us all the time], and my partner only ever took one day off work - that was to drop me off and pick me up from the op to remove the metal holding my arm together.

I hope it works out for you.

patchwork_cat

Tonyp -PMed you yet another example of someone wanting advice and getting a lecture. What ever happened to compassion and seeing things from another perspective, people?

You really do see true nature on an anonymous forum - if you wouldn't say it to someone's face then don't say it here.

bestpud

What sort of work do you do OP?

I'm wondering if your employer would let you work normal days for a while, instead of 12 hour shifts? Or if you could maybe work just half your shifts but over more days? I know you'd be down on money but at least you'd have something coming in?

All of that may be pants though, depending on the job you do.

Other thought is asking other parents if they will help with the school run so at least your oh won't have to get dressed etc, as that is likely to be difficult early on. I assume you don't work five days a week if you do 12 hour shifts so maybe you could perhaps offer to pick another child up on the days you are home? It seems easier to ask then, I think?

I'd have thought though, apart form the school runs, your ds will be able to manage most things by himself, or with his mum to guide him verbally. You could put his cereal in a bowl and get his clothes ready and other things like that?

Your oh will need more support with her own care though, in the early days at least, so it's likely you'll have to take some time without pay.

I'd be inclined to ask the hospital what help may be available as you are bound to see physios etc after she has had the op.

Really though, you may well be surprised how quickly things fall into place. I know it's looking bleak now but you will no doubt find ways to cope between you.

But speak with your employer and see if you can reach a compromise - has to be worth a try?

Good luck!

bluebell13

Hi Tony, I know this is not the same but hope it is of some help. Last Thursday I had my tonsils out. Unfortunately it has not gone to plan and I had to go back to theatre following a bleed, and now have a nasty throat infection. I feel lousy, and all the plans we had in place for the 'routine' operation have been upended. I have DS5 and DD3. My partner does not get paid if he is off so he has gone back to work BUT has negotiated a change in his hours this week to help get the children ready in the morning, and to come home early one day to take our son to drama. He has worked longer on another day to make up for this. His work have been okay about this. Despite feeling truly awful I have managed to cope with both DD and the school runs. She may be able to do more than you think (us women are made of strong stuff!!)
Maybe you need to see how things go as, like others have suggested she may need more practical help with household chores when you are at home.
To all those who have jumped in saying that OP is expecting excessive time off, do not under-estimate the effect a shock/change of plan can have and he is just trying to make things right for his wife.

glossgal

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Tonyp -PMed you yet another example of someone wanting advice and getting a lecture. What ever happened to compassion and seeing things from another perspective, people?

You really do see true nature on an anonymous forum - if you wouldn't say it to someone's face then don't say it here.

Where are the lectures?? OP asked for advice and the consensus seems to be that there is not much to be done and that he needs to step back and try to be logical/impartial about it instead. Nobody is umsympathetic but I know I'm not going to agree that he is the victim of some injustice because I don't think he is. There are unfortunately lots of people on here who will enjoy feeling hard done to and take their ball home when they realise nobody agrees with them...