Mum very ill in ITU

pinkcloudnine

I just need to write this down, my mum has been admitted to ITU, 70 miles away. They don't know yet what is wrong, except that her kidneys & liver are failing. Are waiting to do a CT scan which will hopefully show the problem. My dad is beside himself with worry,unable to drive anymore due to poor eyesight, he has to rely on taxis to the hospital.
I feel so bad, have only been to see my mum once in the last week as I can't face it. My DH made the trip the other day to support my dad. I feel as if I am running away, I just can't cope with the idea of losing my parents,
I just don't know how to cope.

cazziebo

Don't think about it - just do it. Go and see them.

Really sorry to hear this is happening. I really couldn't think about what it would mean to lose my dad - but I'm so grateful for the time I got to spend wit h him before he passed away. sometimes it was awful - unbearably so. Sometimes it was really nice and peaceful.

Sometimes we just don't have a choice in what we do, and we don't have a choice over whether we cope. We just do.

Do you have any siblings? Any friends who could support you?

I did use some NLP and hypnotherapy techniques to cope through the worst times - and sometimes I just fell to pieces.

But I'm so glad I had that time.

thinking of you

xx

maypole

So sorry to hear this. I agree with previous poster, just go and do it, you will be surprised how you just go into "cope" mode it will be a great support to your dad. He must be so worried. Good luck.

squishyclaire

Hiya, i'm so sorry to hear about your mum and that she is unwell. I don't have any experience to draw to help you but I just thought you would like to know that people out here are rooting for you. Perhaps for the time being you have to draw on any practical skills that you have- getting your dad to the hospital. I'm sure also your mum must feel that she needs support, even if you are in the room with her it might help her feel calmer and better that she knows you are around. Can you visit with someone else, a good friend or someone who knows your mum well?

Again, i'm sorry this is not really advice but I read your message and just felt you needed a reply. I will be thinking of you xxx

sloughflint

Get down there

NOW

Your Dad needs you especially. The hospital is looking after your Mum but your Dad needs you.

You are feeling bad now but this will haunt you in the future if you don't go.
You WILL cope. You will go into autopilot mode.

Once you're there concentrate on finding as much information as possible, write things down for your Dad if he's not absorbing what he's being told, make sure staff are fully aware of your Mum's medical history/medicines, spend time with your Dad out of the hospital environment, take him food shopping, be a taxi service. Once you've got there, you'll be so busy. Make that first step, please for all of you.

waggys

Sorry to hear about your mum. I had a very similar thing with my mum back in 1995; she ended up unexpectedly in ITU where we had to give permission for her life support to be switched off, it was out of the blue and totally unexpected. I know it sounds ridiculous, but you expect your parents' to be there forever (well I did anyway, as I was 23). I found the whole hospital thing really traumatic (even though it was for only 24 hours) and couldn't bear seeing my mum all covered in tubes etc. Unless you have been through it, people just don't seem to understand. I only went in the room once in that time before she died as I found it so awful, whereas, my elder sisters spent much of the time with her.

You must do what is right for you; I'm sure your dad will understand. I know my family understood. I hope the ct will reveal some positive news for your family. Take care.

Agutka

Go there. Take it one moment at a time, but please don't run away. Go make your dad a cup of tea, go tell your mum what you've been up to, about the weather, about TV, whatever.

I don't mean to offend, but this isn't about you... You can be strong, you will cope.

xx

anguk

Agutka wrote: »

Go there. Take it one moment at a time, but please don't run away. Go make your dad a cup of tea, go tell your mum what you've been up to, about the weather, about TV, whatever.

I don't mean to offend, but this isn't about you... You can be strong, you will cope.

xx

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

I agree with Agutka. I'm sure they'll have a relatives room you can pop into if it gets too much but at least you'll be close to your Mum and there to support your Dad.

winnie81

I am really sorry to hear this but you must go or may regret it in future. Your dad needs you and believe me (been there lots of times) you will cope and you will cope wonderfully as you will be on autopilot. I always found I was more at ease being at the hospital with my poorly relatives than pacing and worrying at home.

Huge hugs for you though and I am thinking of your mum xx

Penny_Watcher

When the hospital thought my father was dying last summer I had very similar feelings to you - almost that if you stay away and don't face it then it can't be true and it can't happen.

My husband gave me an excellent piece of advice. He told me gently that I must visit him even if it was only to say goodbye and thank you because after all these years it was the least he deserved and I would feel better afterwards.

When you visit you will feel better afterwards, even if you can't find the words then simply holding hands for a while can be very comforting.

And your Dad needs you too.

(((((Hugs)))))

Tulip

Sorry to hear the news about your mum

*hugs*