Total mess

gabgab

Hello all, without going through the whole sorry mess of my 18yr.marriage in which I've stayed for our daughter who's now 17.Ihave decided to divorce.Tried to explain recently that there is no companionship in our marriage,he cannot understand what I mean.I mean that if I try to spark up conversation-what do the think -whatever- in the news today-his reply-dunno.
The reason I talk about companionship,is that we haven't had a sexual relationship for 12 yrs due to his womanising,mainly one woman(3 in a marriage ring bells?)But as he is in bad health now the sex does not bother him.
At the time of his last "GREAT LOVE" in 2000,when he was loping around like a love sick teenager,sleeping with mobile on chest,we were living in caravan building 5000sq.ft. house.He couldn't cope so I had to take over,dealing with various trades,also Angel daughter was diagnosed epileptic.
Fast forward to present.Just before Christmas he said that when vat rebate came through for house, it was his as used cards for building materials.Fair enough.May30th.I spent £240 on hedging in husbands presence ,a long term investment I think.Jun1st.he said house has to be sold-He has £94000.00 c.cs + plus unsecured debt.OBTW my beloved Dunkirk veteran Father age 93 seems to has given up,stopped shaving etc.+Our Angel has something+wrong too,she sleeps all night+most of the day,blood tests next week.Now that's off my chest,what do I do about H's debt on divorce.He say's it been spent on house,but £23000.00 came his way but didn't try to reduce it.Is it not fair that when profits from house are divided that he pays his debt from his share.Or am I being greedy?BTW I am 58 o/h 52 so not much hope of mortgage(not working at present,only hope is lowly paid job )Don't know house value worst £300,000 best£600.000 no idea ,but do know ,higher the price -longer to sell,maybe never.Please don't be too harsh on me ,my husband does books for 3 companies+share club so had no idea we had this mess.Stupid I know.Worry so much about Angel,this stress does her no good.Thankyou for letting me get this out,I've no one else to talk to.

gabgab

Oh!,and by way of balance, if o/h gave his opinion I'm sure he'd say that I was a self opinionated control freak.

Ember999

I'm very sorry, but I find your post confusing

elvis_girl

Hi Gabgab.
You seem to have an awful lot on your plate at the moment. Best thing for you to do is slow down and take one step at a time. Look after your father and daughter (and of course yourself!) If you're serious about getting a divorce see a solicitor. There will have to be 'disclosure' of the finances so maybe a deal can be done (your assets V his debts). If not don't worry. As long as you end up with enough to make a fresh start, and still have those you love around you, surely thats all that matters?
Take Care :A

gabgab

Thankyou elvis girl,your remarks put it in perspective.
For anyone who finds my rant confusing,it's basically that I think it wrong that a partner in marriage can run up debt, in this case £94000.00 without the knowledge of the other but both be liable.
I didn't know of 3 loans nor that 20 odd ccs were in use,first I knew was when he told me house would have to go to pay them.So all of us suffer for his reckless borrowing.

jockettuk

when i got divorced whatever debts were ours ie. joint we could pay off with the house sale.. other debts that were mine or his were exactly that .. the house would be split 50/50 and he had to pay his own debts out of his half.. doesnt matter if they were for the house or not if he took out loans etc then they were his to deal with ..

Ember999

gabgab wrote:

Thankyou elvis girl,your remarks put it in perspective.
For anyone who finds my rant confusing,it's basically that I think it wrong that a partner in marriage can run up debt, in this case £94000.00 without the knowledge of the other but both be liable.
I didn't know of 3 loans nor that 20 odd ccs were in use,first I knew was when he told me house would have to go to pay them.So all of us suffer for his reckless borrowing.

Hi Hon,

Just a question for your to think about. I've read your post again this morning and one thing jumps out! Your husband says the house has to be sold because of his debts. Why? Why? Why? If he has ran up debts, why should you have to sell your house? Is it because he will go bankrupt if not and you would lose the house anyway? I think what you need to do urgently is get a solicitor. Like Elivs Girl says, you split the equity 50/50. Your half is YOURS, and his debts will have to be paid out of HIS half. That is the law hon, nothing he can do about that so make sure he doesn't stuff you by taking money that belongs to YOU to pay off his debts, lets face it, debts you say you didn't even know about.

Try to put your stress and fear on a back-burner, reach down inside yourself and find your fighting spirit, use that to give you the strength to get through this situation, because you can and you will survive and come out smiling

gabgab

Many thanks to to all for answering.Have spent 2 weeks alone, so problems in my mind escalated.
O.h back tomorrow so I wont post on this point again.hope thread then slips down so not to be seen.
This site must be saving the Samaritans some precious time as you good people take the trouble to help.
Thankyou again. g.g.