Sick to my stomach and so worried

blondiebonbon

Hello,

Please excuse this self indulgent post. I did post before but it doesnt seem to have shown for some reason.

This Christmas I realised I couldn't go on borrowing to pay bills and spiraling down. I have a good job, a little but nice home that I work hard on keeping together. I should have £60K equity and money to spend and save but instead I've remortgaged twice and have £42K of unsecured debt that I'm just coming to terms with now I've seen it all written down.

I live on my own and just feel so alone with this and a complete failure. I have had 2 bad relationships that I made poor choices about which added hugely to the debt I took on. This was my choice though so I'm not playing a 'victim'

I've been speaking to a lovely company as I read about IVAs and thought that might help me. It looks now though that I don't have enough 'spare' each month for the IVA to be accepted (now my expenditure has been worked out). I'm now looking at going interest only on my mortgage to see if that gives me enough extra so and IVA might be considered. They are still helping me.

Bankrupcy was mentioned but I just can't even bear the thought of that without completely breaking down (so I don't mean to be so dramatic sounding I'm just so worried). I'm also planning on going into business (maybe in many years form now!) and therefore don't want this on my record for future ventures.

A DMP is also an option so I've been told but I just think it will be hanging around me forever. I need to see some light at the end of the tunnel to keep strong on this.

Any happy insights into this to give me some hope?

I got so upset on the phone earlier when discussing the IVA because I have a little pony and 2 dogs. I've moved the pony to a rent free field with 2 other horses that live there but I do of course spend on hay, worming etc plus one of my dogs needs a special vet diet due to awful allergies and the other one is on tablets for a heart condition due to old age. My total pet costs are about £190/month and they lady on the phone said creditors might say they have to go. I just can't bear this and this just isn't an option. I'm crying when I type because they are my family. I feel like I'm letting them down so much.

The other thing that just makes me feel rotten is the fact that I'm single but hope to meet a lovely guy and settle down one day but this problem just makes me feel so 'unloveable'. I mean why would someone who's got himself together want to be with me with this massive baggage?

Like I said I am so sorry to go on but I have no one else to share this with and its jusy going around my head. If you met me you'd NEVER think I'd be in this state or type something that sounds so 'down'.

Thank you for reading my post.

xx

wyebird

Hello!
Don't beat yourself up about the past you have come to a point where you want to do something about it and that's a good thing :-)
Lots of people here will be able to give you good advice, I'm sure. They will probably ask you to post a statement of affairs so they can give you some tips on where you can make some savings. Which company are you using to help you? xx

poorandindenial

You have come to the right place, people here will rally to support you.

You said you have been speaking to a company about an IVA - DON'T. Speak to recognised debt counselling charities. They will be able to give you impartial advice, more importantly for FREE even if you want them to go the distance with you.

It is such an awful thing to be told that you might have to ditch your animals, there is likely to be a way around that.

Are there ways you can reduce your outgoings?? did the company you spoke to try to help you on this front?? Did they help you to put together a Statement of Affairs (SOA)?? If so post it up here and the other DFWers will help you find ways to make the money you do have go a bit further. If the company didn't get you to do it then it is worth pulling it together and pposting (see the link in Immoral_Angel's dictionary sticky at the top of the page for guidance)

Keep posting, you will get the most fantastic support from people who are able to share their experiences so that you can learn from them.

Good luck

poorandindenial

PS - it isn't self indulgent, it is what the board is here for.

Shineyhappy

Hi there!

Well done for posting I know its very hard.

Have a look at the thread for new posters near the top of this board. It talks about putting together a SOA statment of affairs all your incomings, outgoings and the debt totals and interest rates. It is only possible to get detailed advice once we can see that.

Please only go to one of the debt charities such as CCCS or payplan as a lot of companies charge fees and arent that great.

How many rooms does your home have? I made a bad call in my last relationship, I bought a flat with my ex, after 6 months of living there he left me, I bought him out and to help with the bills I switched to an interest only mortgage and got a friend to move into the second bedroom. There are usually ways of making cut backs that make a big difference.

Good luck!

scorpio04

Bless your heart, nothing I can say bit loads of people on here will be able to give you great help.

Squirrel29

Ahhh, don't get upset, there is always solution to even the worst problem and people on here will wrap you up in a big soppy hug and do their best to help.:grouphug:

Reading between the lines I presume you went to one of the fee charging companies that you see on the tv adverts. If so, dont. Please contact the CCCS or Payplan for free advice. They could set up a Debt Management Plan (DMP) which would involve them contacting your creditors and arranging a realistic payment plan.

Also post a statement of affairs (SOA), there is a sticky at the top of the DFW board. It will include incomings and outgoings including interest rates. We will have a look at ways you could cut back, it's amazing what we fritter money on.

I used to have a pony and appreciate how much they can cost, you have done well to get rent free field. Could you loan it out or do a share with someone to help out with the cost of it's keep?

I find it very hard to believe you will have to get rid of your dog, could you contact the PDSA to see if they could help. Have you got family that could support you. I have a little dog too who is the light of my life and I would rather live in a tent than part with him so I can see where you are coming from.

Do you have a spare room so you can take in a lodger?

Don't even think about a relationship at the moment, you are vulnerable emotionally and it is not the best time to get involved.. not cos noone will want you.. but you have to love yourself first and get strong. There are parasites out there that can spot someone vulnerable a mile off!

Keep posting as you will find a lot of love and care on here, plus it gets quite addictive just saving a few pounds on challenges.

Don't be down, it is recoverable xxx

Beccasmum_2

I can't recommend CCCS enough. After months (probably years really) of bury my head in the sand, I contacted them last week. Had a telephone interview with one of their counsellors on Tuesday and they gave a solution to what I thought was unsolvable and start my DMP at the end of the month. Please don't despair, give them a call.

Take care

I_love_Airedales

Hello, so sorry things are not going well for you at the moment. They will get better you will not believe that but tis true.
An idea for your pony, you could think about putting him/her on loan as maybe a companion to another pony or horse. I had a horse I lost him when he was about 32 the saddest day of my life. He went on loan to someone that had a shire colt. It worked very well he taught the colt some manners and they were company for each other.
If you were able to do that it could ease a little pressure and you would still own the pony.
There are loads of very helpful people on here so yours won't be a lonely journey back to being solvent again.
Take care lots of luck please give the pony a cuddle from me.
ILA.

blondiebonbon

Wow - you guys are great and can't believe your written such lovely responses already. It means so much thank you.

The person I'm speaking to is one of the reps for and IP that posts on an IVA forum. I don't think there is any charge but I'm at early stages and will double check where they get their profit from. The advisor has been very helpful and pointing out all the options.

Before I posted here I'd already filled out the CCCS online form and was then advised to call so I'll do that tomorrow too.

Re the pony - its a long story but he has been rehabilitated. He is a lovely boy now but not really for loaning. Plus I've cut my costs for him by over half and he is sort of my lifeline at the moment. Going there to see to him and his friends is getting me out after a days work so I want to do whatever I can to keep him even if that means I eat like a student again which I'm more than willing to do.

OK these are my details and what I've worked out costs for per month.

Income
Salary after tax etc - £1545
Part time work - £250 (this varies but is an average)
Petrol expenses from work- £100 (ditto)

Total monthly income on average - £1895

Does anyone have any idea how to budget month by month when some income is variable?! If I can crack this it will be a big help I think.

Debts

Overdraft - £6700
Capital one CC - £2123 Min payment £150
Goldfish CC - £4721 Min payment £120
Halifax CC - £7984 Min payment £160
MBNA CC - £1274 Min payment £30
MBNA CC - £5572 Min payment £90
Black Horse Loan - £3150 Monthly payment £98.69
Black Horse Loan - £5263 Monthly Payment £128.23
Loansdirect - £10762 Monthly Payment £250.95

Total debt repayments per month - £1027.87 (plus overdraft fee which I can't get the figure for right now)

Outgoings

Mortgage - £742
Council tax - £55
Gas - £26
Electric - £31
TV licence - £12
House Insurance - £28
Bank account fee - £12
Petrol - £260 (do a lot of miles with work)
Car tax £30 (current have 2 cars..both bangers but one good for milage one needed to get up the track to see the pony/fit the dogs in. Silly situation so one is going to go)
MOT/servicing/repairs - £75
Car Ins - £70
Dog food - £75
Vets costs £20
Pony feed/hay - £40
Trimmer for hooves - £10
Pony Insurance - £42
Worming - £8
Food/groceries - £130
House maintainance - £50
Dentist/prescriptions - £5
Water rates - £35
Tv/internet/phone - £41

Total outgoings - £1797
When one of the cars is sold this will be - £1722

I haven't included ANYTHING for any sort of going out (not that I'm expecting to live a high life!), getting my hair cut now and again and there must be other things I've missed but I don't know what I should allow or is acceptable to work within.

So this is my situation. Basically £842 overspend each month when one car has gone so obviously this can't go on. How I've managed this far without missing payments I just don't understand.

Oh it looks so bad. I can't believe it every time I look.

angelflower_2

thank you for taking the courage to post your soa...am just heading off to bed so will be hopeless at writing anything worth anything at this time of night so will leave that to the experts behind me and catch up tomorrow.

Once you get over the initial shocks.....one thing a lot of people do on here is start a challenge where you do something extra in order to fund the luxuries in life - in your case the animals. One of the best ones at the moment is the make £10 a day challenge. Have a look over the current thread and you might even feel strong enough to start in February.

Big hugs to you....and you have found the right place!!!! Catch up with you tomorrow