Money Moral Dilemma: Should I tell my brother and his wife they don't need to buy me presents?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks…

I'm a childfree aunt to three young nephews and I love to buy them presents, take them on days out and give them pocket money. Their parents don't have much money to spare, but they get me birthday and Christmas presents 'from the kids' to say thanks. While I appreciate the gesture, I'd far rather they put the money towards themselves or the children. But I'm worried if I say this it'll come across as ungrateful and patronising. Would you say anything if you were me?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are sent in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

🤝 If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply.
🤔 Got a Money Moral Dilemma of your own? Suggest an MMD.
👀 View past Money Moral Dilemmas.

elsien

No, I wouldn’t tell them not to buy you anything. Part of the fun for children at Christmas seeing each other open the presents - I know my nieces and nephews enjoyed seeing me open the presents that the family had got for me. And I used to enjoy trying to find presents in return that I knew people would like but without spending a lot.

It’s only twice a year and if they’re not spending silly money which is slightly different, accept it in the spirit that it is being offered. Unless you wants to suggest a complete embargo on presents for adults all round?

zagfles

You could suggest the kids make you something for birthdays/Christmas, maybe a painting, drawing, cake etc, something that would cost very little and be something they created. They're the best type of gifts as well as costing hardly anything.

Cairnpapple

Also childfree. We agreed that the adults would stop gifting to each other a few years ago. Our siblings now send us school photos of their kids and those school fundraising gifts like when they put their picture on a tea towel - perfect.

elsien

To be honest, I would rather not have had the school photos and the tea towels. Did have to tell siblings to stop spending their money on those.

Pollycat

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82083969#Comment_82083969

I agree with this but only if the kids actually see you opening presents.

Otherwise, I'd say 'please don't buy me gifts'.

Cairnpapple

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82084009#Comment_82084009

Very fair! I assume that they're already buying a package of photos for grandparents so we're not adding cost. And I do genuinely like a fresh tea towel.

CapeTown

I would say to your brother that you really like say Bendicks Bittermints or that you need a plant to put in your kitchen.... something not expensive but something you really want and will get great pleasure out of. Drop the hint strongly enough and everyone wins

C00kie_2

I'd encourage them to give stuff the kids have created (maybe depends on age/their abilities and interests) you'd like them creating daft pasta shape pictures, or felt creations keyrings.

gothvixen

I love having a record of my nephew's crafts and drawings. I'd tell the parents that these things mean so much to you, so if they could persuade the children you would really appreciate receiving those as gifts. I haven't seen my almost 11yo nephew since he was 4months old, as he lived in Seattle and now Italy. I send gifts for him and my brother takes pictrures and videos so I get to see his reaction, and that's the best gift for me.

addyann

if they are buying and picking the presents and the children arent really involved, then just tell them they really dont need to buy you gifts, your gift is having time being an aunt. Theres nothing better than being able to borrow a child to go to the play park/pixar films at the cinema, etc. But agree with others, if the children want to give gifts enjoy being the auntie they want to buy for.