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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I contact my late husband's ex, who's a beneficiary on his pension?
Comments
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In my 20's I lived with my then G/F. As I started to make a regular input to the mortgage on the house we lived in, it was in her name the bank advised that we made arrangements to complete all the legal necessities including making her the beneficiary on my will. Some years later we separated where we legally separated all that we done previously - or so I thought. Nearly 20 years later I married a different girl. Again went through the legal necessities to find that my ex-G/F was still entitled a part of my pension on my death, abit only a small part but it is a part my wife would have missed out on had I not been discovered it when completing the beneficiary declaration. It would have gone to my ex-G/F on my death (if she could be located).
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I think I'd leave things be. I can't see that there's anything to gain by contacting this woman. Your husband's relationship with you and with her seem to be entirely separate entities. It seems, too, that he must have been in his right mind when he make this provision. That he failed to cancel it or amend it doesn't affect its legality now - despite the effect on you and your family. I think, too, that what would be effedtively begging her to help you would be a bad idea.
It all happened before you ever met him and, although it's difficult, it frankly could be worse. If I were you I'd probably be angry that your husband left things settled so badly, but I'd also feel very uncomfortable with the idea of asking this woman for help.1 -
When I divorced my ex and I separated our finances and made new wills. I was careful to update all the beneficiaries on my pension, bank and GIA accounts. There was one smallish pension account that would have been a pain to distribute/divide so my ex just said I should keep it. I did, but have left her as beneficiary and won't be touching it.
And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.0 -
If it was an expression of wish, then she would not have been entitled to the money. As mentioned already, the discretion is with the pension scheme unless there is an absolute allocation.
I am an Independent Financial Adviser (IFA). The comments I make are just my opinion and are for discussion purposes only. They are not financial advice and you should not treat them as such. If you feel an area discussed may be relevant to you, then please seek advice from an Independent Financial Adviser local to you.0 -
This happened to me when my Husband died except he left it to his Mum and sister. We had been married 13years and together for 20 years. He signed the form when he started at his company at 18 and assumed our marriage overrode all decisions I think( due to his death I couldn’t ask him). I had to ask his Mum and sister if I could have the money just after my husbands death. It was the worst thing ever to ask someone as we were all grieving but without it I would not have been able to look after our 2 children. I had to ask them to write a letter to his company stating they gave up their claim to the money! It was actually a really horrific time and experience and I love and respect my MIL and SIL. I dread to think what could have happened if they didn’t like me or I them!
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Is this an American or UK DB pension? If UK, then the nominated death benefit is usually a one off lump sum paid if the pensioner death ocurred during the guarantee period (typically before starting to draw the pension, or 5/10 years after on a sliding scale). Dependants pensions for life are then paid to eligible spouses/partners/disabled children, with dependant childrens pension paid to age 18/end of full time education.
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You will recall that AFPS75 has strict rules about who to pay out to. Revised with change to 05 and 15 but it has caused some problems.
Your life is too short to be unhappy 5 days a week in exchange for 2 days of freedom!
One can always make more money. No one who has ever lived can create more time.1 -
Quite. AFPS75 only pays spouses benefits to those who were legally married, but with the exception when the death ocurred on active service. AFPS05 and 15 pay survivors benefits to all eligible partners, and the fact that this rule wasn't made retrospective to the 75 scheme has indeed caused some upsets.
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It's a US pension and the value of the benefit will be nothing in a few years time. I could nominate anyone as a beneficiary and they have a choice of a lump sum or lifetime annuity, but by now the lump sum would be the sensible option for my grand niece.
And so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.1 -
By asking them to voluntarily give up their claim on the money, it avoided the pension trustees or administrators from making that decision. In reality, in the scenario you mention, they would not have paid to them. It would have come to you.
I am an Independent Financial Adviser (IFA). The comments I make are just my opinion and are for discussion purposes only. They are not financial advice and you should not treat them as such. If you feel an area discussed may be relevant to you, then please seek advice from an Independent Financial Adviser local to you.0
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