Money Moral Dilemma: Should I contact my late husband's ex, who's a beneficiary on his pension?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks…

My husband - we were married for 26 years and have two children - passed away last year. He was never good with money and had early onset dementia, and when he died he didn't leave much money to help cover the mortgage and other bills. He had a small pension, which I claimed. But I've since found out there was another beneficiary - an old girlfriend he lived with over 30 years ago. The money went directly to her, and I've been told I've no claim to it. Should I try to track her down and ask her to do what I think is the right thing and give it to us, or just leave things be?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't answer Money Moral Dilemma questions as contributions are sent in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value. Remember that behind each dilemma there is a real person so, as the forum rules say, please keep it kind and keep it clean.

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JoeCrystal

How bizarre, seem odd that the trustees even bother not to check properly considering a wife would clearly come first compared to an ex-girlfriend. Even more extraordinary, from my understanding, that the trustees even told her the name of the person getting the money. Frankly, it is not the wife that should get in touch with the ex-girlfriend and demand to hand the money over. They should file a complaint with trustees regarding this!

Something doesn't make sense here.

Sallyp2

just leave it

if he included you both as beneficiaries then he must have had a reason. My dad left £ to my mum and his ex wife. Just leave it be and move on with life

flaneurs_lobster

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82061479#Comment_82061479

It's not clear from the posed "dilemma" but would it change your opinion if the pension was being provided on an ongoing basis rather than a 1-off payment?

Silvertabby

A made up story. In real life, even if a 30 year old Expression of Wishes form nominated a then girlfriend, it would be SOP for the Trustees to use their discretion to change the award to the wife. But if they did, for any reason, make an award to anyone but the wife, then they wouldn't have disclosed the recipient's details to a third party for data protection reasons.

Bostonerimus1

If you have an issue then contact the trustees, I would not contact the ex-girlfriend.

I have a recent personal experience where I actually did contact a beneficiary directly.

My brother died a few years ago and then his wife, my sister-in-law, died without leaving a will. She was an only child of WWII refugees and so I did not know of any blood relatives. I managed to organize a funeral, but could not administer the estate and so was about to notify "The Crown". However, in one of my sister-in-law's letters there was a mention of a brother and she had some photos of people I didn't recognize, so even though she never mentioned any relatives I realized there must be a long lost brother. So I did some googling and managed to find her nephew who is her nearest living relative and emailed him and he is now going through the process of probate. I'm glad that I went the extra mile to find her relative so the money goes to her family rather than leaving "The Crown" to work it out.

The obvious difference between my case and the OP is that I was delivering a windfall not asking for money.

QrizB

Definitely don't contact the ex. Some stones are best left unturned.

MSE_Kelvin

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82061508#Comment_82061508

Hello there @Silvertabby,

Thanks for your comment. This Money Moral Dilemma is taken from an email a user sent us on Friday, though for obvious reasons we never reveal contributors' identities.

We often get accused of making MMDs up but, as I always say, in the six-odd years I've been the person responsible for putting it together, that's never been the case - believe me my job would be a lot easier if I could!

The sender didn't provide any info on why the award was made or how they found out who the recipient was, sadly. There are, of course, likely to be circumstances we're not aware of, but we thought it still made for an interesting talking point around the legal position and what people consider to be morally fair

Hope that clears that up for ya!

Cheers,

MSE Kelvin🍻

dunstonh

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82061559#Comment_82061559

I wonder, Kelvin, if the person that posted it is mistaken in some way, either in terminology or in what's happened or what will happen.

Effectively, what the scenario suggests is something that shouldn't happen if it was a pension plan. If it was a term assurance in trust or a term assurance or endowment or similar where the ex-girlfriend was a policyholder then it can happen.

But it shouldn't happen on a pension as the trustees take account of the scenario and decide who receives the money from there. The only scenario where a girlfriend from 30-odd years ago could receive a payout via a pension scheme is if there were children from that relationship.

There is also the potential for fraud. I.e. the ex-girlfriend claiming they were still in a relationship.

horsewithnoname

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82061476#Comment_82061476

a pension goes to whoever is listed as your beneficiary. Wills and marriages and divorces make no difference, so worth keeping your beneficiaries up to date.

Silvertabby

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82061603#Comment_82061603

Not always. I know of a couple of LGPS cases in which the death benefit nomination form was completed when the fund member first joined, then never updated.

These cases were similar to this dilemma - an old girlfriend, but since married (to someone else) with children. The Trustees used their discretion to pay the death benefits to the wives.

Note that the LGPS is a DB scheme, with different eligibility rules for the one-off death benefit (if applicable) and survivor's pensions. The survivor's pensions are only paid to those who are eligible under the scheme rules, so no quibbling needed. Perhaps not so clear cut with DC schemes that only involve lump sums.