Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair to keep the loyalty points from doing my neighbour’s shopping?

badmemory

It might be better to just stop doing the shopping. Someone I know had nieces who didn't like my friend having a friend shop for him so put a stop to it. The cost of his shopping trebled overnight.

Dancin61

The fact you’re asking in the forum shows you’re concerned. I’m guessing the doubt about causing confusion is also based on familiarity with your neighbour’s cognitive capabilities. Why not simply ask if he has a loyalty card for the relevant supermarket as previously suggested. If the answer’s yes, use it. If it’s no but he asks more about it you can always get him one. Chances are you’ll find yourself still collecting the points and feel less conflicted.

SWGranny

I agree with most people above, I don't see how it's an issue. You are doing the guy a favour by doing his shopping for him, which he wouldn't be able to do himself. I imagine he is extremely grateful. If he had a loyalty card then of course you would use that.

Pretawoman

I do my mum's shopping and keep the points. As Jodo says, she gets the benefit of discounts offered by using my card so seems quid pro quo to me. As with you I sometimes have to make a separate trip and use my fuel as well. I think it's fair and if he's not going to understand what's the point in worrying about it.

twopenny

You are kind to do this for someone who can't manage themselves.

You are both getting the benefit of the clubcard. Agree you can get reduced prices for him. A little treat or just something small extra now and then would mean a lot to cheer them up.

I'm surprised though that they don't know about store cards. It's been around in one form or another since the 70s. Perhaps they know and are just keeping quiet because they want you're help. But that's fine.

primrose_penguin

Some of the comments on here are over the top, accusing this helpful lady of theft etc??? The elderly gentleman has his shopping bought and delivered to him every week at no extra cost to him, in fact he gets the benefits of lower prices on some goods thanks to the lady using her club card. There must be lots of elderly people who would be so grateful to have this free service, I am not far off the age of this gentleman and am lucky enough to be able to do my own shopping, but if I wasn't I would wish for a generous neighbour like her and be glad if she earned a few loyalty points helping me.

As for saying why doesn't she do his shopping when she does hers, that is not easy to manage at one time and if she could I am sure she would as it would save her petrol.

All I can say is be proud of yourself for helping this elderly gentleman, without you and your generosity he would be far worse off it is a pity there are not more people like you in the world.

Golactico

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81989362#Comment_81989362

I'm afraid you are 100% wrong. Asda is the store in question. How do I know? Because I am the OP.

Allow me to provide some more context.

My neighbour has a degree of dementia. He often misunderstands things and often feels that people are working against him. None of his remaining family take any interest in his welfare, and his friends are all dead or lost touch. So, I am probably the person that he trusts most in the world. If I were to try to explain the Asda loyalty scheme to him, and how I am in however a small way, benefiting as well as him, there is a risk that he will formulate a theory that the person that he trusts most in the world is ripping him off. If this were to happen and he decided he wanted nothing more to do with me, as well as his shopping person, he'd also lose the person who liaises with social services for him, ensures his bills are paid, mows his lawn, arranges and deals with heating engineers, deals with plumbing emergencies, changes light bulbs, and most importantly, is about the only person who takes time to listen to what he has to say.

I can't risk that happening, so I will continue using my Asda loyalty app for his shopping, as to stop doing so would make his shopping more expensive. Thanks to the vast majority of responders who, even without the added context, could recognise that I'm purely motivated by helping out a vulnerable neighbour. I am grateful for this reassurance.

Dizzycap

I too also do a couple of elderly neighbours weekly shopping, but I asked if it was ok for me to collect the points when I shop for them. By using the SM App for their shopping to collect points, it has also opened up money off/discounts for them on items that they usually purchase; but I don't, so they get fairly rewarded too - It's a win, win for all 🤗.

dancingmaster1651

You're showing great kindness, as most other replies agree. (Ignore the belligerent ones if you can.)

Having been in this position myself, I would suggest only that you try to let someone know. You're going into his home, bless you, without an official or professional training; excuse the question, are you familiar with safeguarding principles? That's safeguarding you from accusations as well as safeguarding him. Heaven forbid that the family who don't look after him will suddenly decide to make trouble, but I'm afraid it does sometimes happen. In my case there was an accusation of taking money from the person's handbag; luckily partner and I had already told the local church minister what we were doing and she was visiting and supporting.

If you can spare time after all you're doing, could you register the gentleman with local befrienders e.g run by Alzheimers or Age UK? or church or WI or similar? Then be there when they phone or call, and explain the situation. Does his GP practice have a register of carers? You're probably not legally a carer, but you could ask the practice manager for advice. Just cover your back.

Hope someone helps you like this if you need it later on.

PLRFD

I remember many years ago when neighbours just did this sort of thing to help out with the goodness of thier hearts there was no moral dilemma no questions just people being good people and everyone was happy. Well done OP we could do with more like you.