Lack of family time starting to get to me

MikeL93

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81871262#Comment_81871262

I get where you are coming from, currently my job is incredibly stressful so that 30 minutes to go cycling or for a run is quite frankly what is keeping me sane at the moment.

Emmia

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81871262#Comment_81871262

The grandparents etc. for the OP might feel they've done their child raising, and don't want to be burdened with the expectation of regularly caring for their grandchildren. Do they have other grandchildren?

I'm child free, and one of my siblings thought I'd like to holiday with them (for free) essentially to provide childcare whilst they went on "date nights". I like my nieces and nephews and this might be selfish, but I declined this "kind offer" as I don't want to be a childminder, when I'm on leave from my own job.

Newbie_John

I also have a little one and no family around to help. My lesson from the past few years is to make most from the time you have - you can go for a run, bike biride when your partner gets back from work.

My guess is that the issue is not that really, but something else - you miss time just with your partner, you miss the freedom of being able to do what you want - and for that, I think you do need to find your ways to make most of the spare time you have. Also have a chat, many chats with your partner about it.

In my case looking solely after my daughter for many days in a week resulted in amazing bond between us, even though the first months were struggles. It's tough, but it will only get better.

sheramber

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6653929/lack-of-family-time-starting-to-get-to-me

get a child’s seat for your bike or a trailer and take your child out to enjoy the countryside.

Having children requires making changes to your life. You are no longer a free spirit.

You need to to plan things now.

Sit down with your girlfriend and find out what she thinks about the current situation.
It does sound that perhaps she might enjoy working at weekends.

You say you cannot afford to drop a day’s wage.

Do you need the money that her extra days bring in?

You need to come to an agreement that suits both of you.

If your job is so stressful maybe you need to look at that rather than blaming your girlfriend.

flossymcfly

A few thoughts that may seem harsh/be incorrect, but they are coming from a place of experience.

At the moment, you are looking after your child 2 days per week and your partner is too (albeit you are working from home those days) which seems fair, childcare is split evenly where possible. Unfortunately, when work circumstances dictate, you may no longer have that family time that you look forward to, this is when contract negotiations need to take place. Is it possible for your partner to speak to her work and renegotiate her contract so that she no longer works Sundays for example? It seems that this was an informal arrangement with her old boss, but could it be formalised with the new boss? How would that impact on finances within the household and is this something you need to consider?

You mention that you say to your partner to go and get her hair done sometimes when you're working from home…is it possible that you are bringing this up with her in the way you're bringing it up with us? It comes across a bit like you are 'letting' her do something so you expect the same in return, so she shouldn't work one day a week to let you do things you want to do. Again, apologies if this isn't the case, not always easy to get your point across on a forum.

As others have said, do you have family to help out and give you that break you need to go for a run or a cycle? Is it something you could do with your child in tow with appropriate equipment? I know sometimes we all just need a bit of head space so appreciate if this is your downtime and time to be just you.

I've been in a similar situation in the past with my oldest daughter, where it was literally just getting through every week splitting the childcare between us and family time went out the window. I will say that it doesn't last forever and once school/nursery starts then that does free up some time. Kids do come along and completely upend your whole life, so sometimes the ideas you had of family life need to change into something you didn't envision and it's all about adapting to what is within your budgets and boundaries.

Unfortunately, my oldest daughter's father decided that his time was more important and he didn't want to muddle through each week, so he went off and found someone he could do that with and left me in the lurch. My youngest daughter's father understood the situation and we did have a few years of muddling through and surviving, but we are out the other end of that now and life is good.

born_again

Rather than grandparents staying with you, how about your child goes & stops with them for a night or 2 giving you time together.

We had the reverse. It was getting rid of grandparents, so we could actually have family time together.

Grumpy_chap

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81871126#Comment_81871126

And what about the other half of my suggestion - to actually plan (or suggest) some specific family activities (or even "date night") so that your partner has a clear reason not to agree to work on specific weekends.

She may not feel any happier about the situation than you do (how does she feel about it) but maybe just finds it difficult in the work setting to push back against the rota / requests to work more weekend days than she previously did. Having a specific reason why a specific date is not doable might give her the confidence to push back.

How does the rota your partner has compare with the others at the work place?

IOWJJBTM2025

Life changes after children come along. There we go skipping from day to day without a care in the world and then all of a sudden we are responsible for a little bundle of joy. I remember my wife was so tired after our first child. Getting a night without broken sleep was unthinkable. At least you are both talking and if it gets where either of you get really low, maybe seek professional help.

MikeL93

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81871660#Comment_81871660

I am constantly trying to plan stuff either as a family of three or just the two of us. I will say for example "weekend after next, on the Sunday we will go to X and do Y" so I ask her if she will request work to not put her in on that specific weekend day, which is allowed and wont affect her hours, and her response is "I'll just wait to see what happens with the rota" then the rota is announced and she is in both days and it is too late for her to do anything about it.