Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends gift my only child more money since they each have two kids?

MSE_Laura_F

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My five friends and I are all parents and we get each other's children Christmas gifts. This year we've agreed not to buy toys, but to give each child £30 for their junior ISAs instead. I have one child, while my five friends each have two - if we go through with this, I'll be spending £300 on their children while our household will only get £150 from them. Should I ask my friends to each give my child £60?

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elsien

People gift what they want to gift and what they can afford.
There is no “should” about this. The whole point of a gift is that it’s entirely voluntary and doesn’t rely on what other people are doing. So no you should not be telling them to pay £60 to your child – I can’t believe this is a genuine suggestion. 

If you’re not comfortable with the agreement, then just opt out of it. 

It’s not something I’d ever agree to with friends anyway that whole fixed amount thing. The point of presents for children is that it’s something they will enjoy.
I get the parents get fed up with lots of unnecessary plastic around the place, but you could just go for token presents

As it stands you might as well just keep the money and stick it in the ISA yourself for your own child.

When did gift-giving turn into this sort of mercenary transaction?

saajan_12

The problem is really this very precise transfer of money which ends up a zero sum game (or feels as if it should) ie effectively the parents put money in their own kids ISAs over the year. 

If the parents don't want more "stuff" in the house then just stop the gift exchange, whether for a year or forever. There's no need to replace it with money.

Either way, the kids are no longer getting a physical gift so it won't make much difference to them (depending on age maybe). Instead, the parents can put whatever they choose into their own kids ISAs. If they can't cash flow it all at one time, they can drip feed it over the year. 

silvercar

Wait until one of the others announces number 3 is on the way!

horsewithnoname

What can you afford and what do you want to do? Do that. 

MeteredOut

Obvious answer is to adopt another child to balance things up.

Pollycat

The originator of this MMD had no idea what 'gifting' means.

Note to self:
I must ensure that I spend exactly the same amount of money on gifts - to the penny - that my family and friends spend on me. 

itsthelittlethings

Personally I think no.

kimwp

It's completely pointless swapping the same amount of money. It's the equivalent of getting your friends in a circle holding the same amount of cash and each handing your cash to the person to your right. If it needs to be exactly the same amount of money, spend the time doing something else. For it to have any meaning, then it makes sense for each child to receive an amount commensurate to your relationship with that child.

I also think it's a bit ridiculous for each child to be gifted a set amount of money that's agreed between a group of friends. Do you all earn the same? Have the same outgoings? Have the same relationship with everyone in the group? As you have noted, with this system, you get less than the other families (though it's no different to your family getting one gift Vs families with two kids getting two gifts). 

I do think it's better to exchange cash than increase the amount of unused and unwanted stuff in the world, but switching to cash identifies how silly the exchange is.

How about instead of a pointless exchange, you have a lovely celebration together, play games, get to know each other better. Then if you see an opportunity to enrich one of your friend's kid's lives with a meaningful gift and you feel inclined to act on the impulse, you can give them something then.

ShinyStarlight1

No. You are giving a gift to a specific child. You’re doing that twice. 

Mum_of_two

Give the same amount to each household.