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Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my ex-fiancée if I can have the engagement ring I gave her back?

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I asked my (then) girlfriend to marry me and she said yes, but not long after she changed her mind, and we soon broke up. No one was to blame; we just grew apart. We have two children together and we're still on good terms. I have some money struggles - nothing too bad but it will take some time to pay off what I owe. I hadn’t asked my ex for the engagement ring back as I hoped one day we might get back together, but I no longer think this will happen. Can I ask her if I can have the ring back so I can sell it, or do I just accept the loss and learn my lesson?

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  • Hoenir
    Hoenir Posts: 2,994 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper
    There's nothing to stop you asking. 
  • LinLui
    LinLui Posts: 343 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper
    You are paying a fair contribution to the maintenance of your children and do your share of the childcare arrangements? If so, then it is reasonable to ask. If not, then she should sell it and keep the money.
  • Brie
    Brie Posts: 11,178 Ambassador
    First Post Photogenic Name Dropper First Anniversary
    yes - absolutely. 

    Ask and if she refuses, thank your lucky stars you avoided her

    She might have already sold it herself.
    "Never retract, never explain, never apologise; get things done and let them howl.”
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,256 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary

    (2)The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

    No right unless agreed otherwise but can't hurt to ask. 
    Interesting! I'm sure that traditionally, the 'right' thing to do was to return it, although equally sure that she didn't have to. 
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Rosa_Damascena
    Rosa_Damascena Posts: 6,422 Forumite
    First Anniversary Homepage Hero First Post Name Dropper
    An engagement ring serves as a token of eternity, not a shackle to submit or as an insurance policy.

    If I were your ex I wouldn't want anything to do with it and be glad to hand it back. It may help her move on.
    No man is worth crawling on this earth.

    So much to read, so little time.
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