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Partner wants 50/50 ownership of house we are buying.

Hello.

I own a small apartment. My partner moved in shortly before our daughter was born.
I am selling the apartment and we are planning to buy a house together. Her mother is gifting her 35k to put towards the deposit, whilst I will be contributing 250k after the sale of my property and savings. Even though we will have a joint mortgage I will be paying the mortgage with my income only as she does not earn enough and she looks after our child and her needs whilst I work. I also pay the bills and food.

Now the relationship has been up and down. Lots of arguments, but things go steady. She has a very bad temper and can snap easily. She walked in and almost demanded that we own the house equally 50/50 as she was angry I was going to put a different percentage and that her friends partners did this so I would be selfish not to. Sounds harsh, though I agreed to it.
I think this sort of situation is difficult when you have a child together. I also want to protect my equity I have worked so hard for all my life and the thought of just handing it over to someone who hasn't saved their entire life feels unjust. The my friends partners did it argument is aimed to make one feel selfish and as if they are not committed to the relationship is the vibe I'm getting.

This is really stressing me out. Any advise would be great.
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Comments

  • icicat said:
    Hello.

    I own a small apartment. My partner moved in shortly before our daughter was born.
    I am selling the apartment and we are planning to buy a house together. Her mother is gifting her 35k to put towards the deposit, whilst I will be contributing 250k after the sale of my property and savings. Even though we will have a joint mortgage I will be paying the mortgage with my income only as she does not earn enough and she looks after our child and her needs whilst I work. I also pay the bills and food.

    Now the relationship has been up and down. Lots of arguments, but things go steady. She has a very bad temper and can snap easily. She walked in and almost demanded that we own the house equally 50/50 as she was angry I was going to put a different percentage and that her friends partners did this so I would be selfish not to. Sounds harsh, though I agreed to it.
    I think this sort of situation is difficult when you have a child together. I also want to protect my equity I have worked so hard for all my life and the thought of just handing it over to someone who hasn't saved their entire life feels unjust. The my friends partners did it argument is aimed to make one feel selfish and as if they are not committed to the relationship is the vibe I'm getting.

    This is really stressing me out. Any advise would be great.

    What percentage split were you planning to propose?

    I can see why you'd be reticent to have a 50/50 split if you are contributing £250,000 of the deposit and her £35,000.  As it will be a joint mortgage she will be legally liable for the debt every bit as much as you are, and whilst your income might be covering all the mortgage payments she is the primary care giver to your (I presume rather young) daughter and that care has a value to the household so should not be dismissed.  

    I don't know how much the new property will be, let's take £500,000 as an example.  You are contributing 50% of the value as the deposit and her 7% with the remaining 43% being covered by a joint mortgage.  You could have a Deed of Trust drawn up whereby once any outstanding mortgage is repaid, you get 43% of the equity back, her 7% and the remaining 43% being split 50/50 between you.  There are other ways of slicing and dicing it but you will both need to agree.

    Personally, if the relationship is volatile I would not be in a rush to enter into a joint mortgage.  I'd either continue living in your flat or if you must move, move into rented accommodation together.  This feels more like relationship advice that House Buying advice.
  • Albermarle
    Albermarle Posts: 21,116
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    icicat said:
    Hello.

    I own a small apartment. My partner moved in shortly before our daughter was born.
    I am selling the apartment and we are planning to buy a house together. Her mother is gifting her 35k to put towards the deposit, whilst I will be contributing 250k after the sale of my property and savings. Even though we will have a joint mortgage I will be paying the mortgage with my income only as she does not earn enough and she looks after our child and her needs whilst I work. I also pay the bills and food.

    Now the relationship has been up and down. Lots of arguments, but things go steady. She has a very bad temper and can snap easily. She walked in and almost demanded that we own the house equally 50/50 as she was angry I was going to put a different percentage and that her friends partners did this so I would be selfish not to. Sounds harsh, though I agreed to it.
    I think this sort of situation is difficult when you have a child together. I also want to protect my equity I have worked so hard for all my life and the thought of just handing it over to someone who hasn't saved their entire life feels unjust. The my friends partners did it argument is aimed to make one feel selfish and as if they are not committed to the relationship is the vibe I'm getting.

    This is really stressing me out. Any advise would be great.
    What you are talking about is really something traditional ( old fashioned maybe) for married couples. Man works, woman looks after house/baby. Man pays for most things. Woman gets half of everything ( at least) if relationship breaks down. So not a really unusual situation. 

    I think the info missing here is what was she doing before you met? You have built up savings and equity in property, it seems that she did not?
    If so there can be many reasons for that, some perfectly reasonable, some maybe not so .

    Personally I think it is OK for two people to contribute different amounts and still own a house 50:50, but in this case the difference (£250K +and £35K ) is huge and it will wrankle with you and cause more arguments in future. You could suggest say you own the house 75:25 and if after 5 years all is going OK you can go to 50:50. 
  • This doesn't sound like the good basis for a relationship?

    Lots of red flags in your post. You appear to be prioritising money and what's yours. You also infer that she's in some way inferior. From your posting, it doesn't appear to be a relationship of equals.

    Personally, I'd be advising your partner (mother of your child) to think very carefully about what she's getting into.
  • Slinky
    Slinky Posts: 9,790
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    What Essex said. This has a teary ending written all over it.
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  • MikeJXE
    MikeJXE Posts: 3,029
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    Red flag to me too

    It seems to me you either buckle down to what she wants and get on with it 

    Or prepare for a split 
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 46,752
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    This doesn't sound like the good basis for a relationship?

    Lots of red flags in your post. You appear to be prioritising money and what's yours. You also infer that she's in some way inferior. From your posting, it doesn't appear to be a relationship of equals.

    Personally, I'd be advising your partner (mother of your child) to think very carefully about what she's getting into.
    This doesn't sound like the good basis for a relationship?

    Lots of red flags in your post. You appear to be prioritising money and what's yours. You also infer that she's in some way inferior. From your posting, it doesn't appear to be a relationship of equals.

    Personally, I'd be advising your partner (mother of your child) to think very carefully about what she's getting into.
    Interesting - to me the red flags were very much the other way round. The OPs partner appears from what has been said to be making various demands, and making no allowance for the imbalance in financial contributions.  I also didn't pick up the inference you did around issues of inferiority/superiority - but that could simply come down to differences in the way we are reading things, I guess. Ultimately, it may well be if the Op's partner posted here, we would hear a rather different slant on things anyway! 
    I can see it both ways. OP seems to be reasonably IMHO valuing the equity he is bringing to the table, his partner seems to be reasonably valuing the contribution she is making in looking after their child. Presumably they have agreed on one providing full time care and the other earning rather than both making a more balanced contribution or using childcare while the child is young. 

    I would think a discussion needs to take place on when you both agree that she will take on paid work and how any childcare costs will be met. If one person thinks that someone should not work until the child is 11 and the other until the child is 2 this needs to be ironed out now. 

    One way of balancing the difference in deposits is to each put in 35k and buy a smaller property. 


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  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,136
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    edited 30 November 2023 at 1:46PM
    icicat said:


    Now the relationship has been up and down. Lots of arguments, but things go steady. She has a very bad temper and can snap easily. She walked in and almost demanded that we own the house equally 50/50 as she was angry I was going to put a different percentage and that her friends partners did this so I would be selfish not to. Sounds harsh, though I agreed to it.

    Not a good idea to buy a home together.
  • RHemmings
    RHemmings Posts: 3,150
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    edited 30 November 2023 at 2:04PM
    I would think it reasonable that the disproportionate deposits are recognised, but that additional equity in the house built up through mortgage repayment and/or house price inflation should be 50/50. That would make for a complicated formula, particularly if potential deflation of the house price is considered, but I'm sure that something fair could be worked out.

    However, what others say about this relationship not sounding like it's on firm ground sounds realistic to me. 

    Edit, perhaps a formula such as:

    If the house is sold, and the equity after costs and repaying the mortgage is more than the sum total of the deposit, then given the £250,000 and £35,000 back, and then split the rest 50/50.If the house sells for a sum such that after the costs and the repayment of the mortgage is less than £285,000, then divide that sum according to the proportions of the original deposit. 

    But, this assumes that the two people involved can agree. I'm not confident that's going to happen. 
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