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Struggling with debt after separation

Hoping someone can give me some words of advice and encouragement. 

I have found myself in a bad position with my debt and monthly payments. 
It's a long story of how I have got myself in this mess so sorry in advance.

So about a year ago my wife of 10+ years left me for a married couple 2 hours away from our home. She gave me a weeks notice that she was leaving and taking our 2 boys to live closer to this couple. 

I do everything I can to see them as much as possible. I drive to pick them up from school on my days off work to be able to spend at least a couple hours with them and take them out for a bit. 

We own a house together and when she left she stopped paying towards any of the mortgage leaving me in a bad situation affording everything by myself. 

I've got 3 loans and a credit card that I am trying to pay off but with everything that has happened I'm just slipping deeper and deeper into debt. 

My debt is currently around 30k across everything. 

I'm trying to pay off the credit card 1st as it has the lowest balance and highest interest rate out of everything but due to my situation after paying all my bills I'm left with nothing every month. Instead of chipping away at my balance I'm having to dip Into it every month mainly for fuel and food as I have £7 left after setting aside all bills.

I work full time and earn £31k a year so litraly all of my salary is going towards these costs. 

Due to this I've got myself in a spiral of depression constantly worrying about it untill it gets to much then I just do nothing and ignore my problems hoping something will happen. 

Sorry for the long post but I'm stuck and realy need to do something to sort myself out before it gets even worse. 

Any friendly advice/tips and words of encouragement welcome. 


  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 29,204 Ambassador
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    edited 7 December 2022 at 9:02PM
    Sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

    Ideally you should concentrate on your essential debts, the mortgage/CT/utility bills etc.

    The card and the loans, assuming they are all unsecured, are non essential debts, and if the money doesn't stretch, then stop paying them, obviously let the lenders know your struggling, you should be able to come to a payment arrangement with them.

    Alternatively get some advice from one of the free debt charities, they will pretty much say the same thing though, they may be able to get you a couple of months official breathing space, or if that`s not enough, take longer, your debts may default and go to collections, but at least you will be able to make payments that are affordable.

    You don`t have to struggle by trying to make agreed contractual repayments.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • PandaGirl6
    Get a lawyer, if I may suggest.
    The housing situation needs to change.

    A quicker option - get a flatmate.

    No wonder you're in debt, there were meant to be 2 of you paying off the house!
  • lovecatsandtea
    I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, I just want to let you know that I’ve been going through something similar. 

    My ex and I bought a house together where I paid £300 towards the mortgage every month plus half of the bills, around £200. A year later he ended things and basically forced me out of the house without buying me out or selling. I have two cats so had to rent privately, totalling £1,300 a month for rent and bills. 

    Unsurprisingly I ended up further into overdraft and credit card debt every month! 
    As a short term solution I’ve had to move back in with parents so I can pay back overdue bills and the credit card. I realise this isn’t possible for a lot of people though. 

    As others have said, it’s important to prioritise essential bills first. I’d also really recommend calling citizens advice regarding your mortgage situation. They will set out your legal rights. Your ex is still liable for the mortgage and she should know that the way she’s behaving is unacceptable. 

    Best of luck getting things sorted 
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