Thank you for all the replies so far, they are all really helpful.
Ideally me and my husband would be doing a joint SOA but he is deployed from aug just gone until mid Feb so it’s hard to gauge accurate expenses unless I go back to before him being deployed. currently he pays half of all our joint bills and pays some tiwards the twins food/clothing etc. then general expenses, nursery, food shop. I pay for.
So I guess is it worth doing an SOA now for my finances and then repeating this after a month he is back so we can see what we spend as a couple?
Also with the SOA I find it harder at the moment when looking at finances as with Christmas I naturally spend more this time of year.
I really want to get a handle on my spending and get the debt finally gone.
Hi, so I’m not really sure where to begin, so I apologise in advice for the long post.
So I’m 34 and have 2 yr old twin girls, me and my husband have a house with a mortgage.
My husband earns a decent salary, I earn the most out of the both of us and my job I can easily pick up extra shifts that pay very well.
I do have a large amount of debt about £25k plus a car on finance and our joint mortgage. With my work I currently pay slightly more towards our bills etc and I also pay for my husbands car finance. But I feel I am not really getting anywhere with the debt as I pay some off I end up spending more. I’m fortunate that I am able to pay for everything but I work a lot of hours and if I could choose I’d like to work less hours and have more time with my children. I’ve written so many budgets and plans but I end up just buying things, or it goes well for a month and then I go make a big purchase. A part of it is I work so much that I feel like I want something back for that as if not why am I missing this time with my children. But I’ve got into a cycle.
How do I change my behaviour with money? *I've even started trying to find financial coaches but that’s just going to make me spend more. I just don’t know how ti change my behaviour for the better. Or do I need to just suck it up and sort myself out? Sorry for how pathetic the above may sound.
Hi, please don't think of paying for any advice about debt.* That will take you even further down the slippery road.
You can get free, non-judgemental, friendly advice from the free debt help agencies - StepChange, National Debtline and Citizens Advice.
They will want to discuss your financial incomings and outgoings but you can just give them a rough idea if things are going to change. Even if your husband's circumstances are going to change, you are still actually having to live until February.
You say "I do have a large amount of debt . . . " - but isn't it a joint debt?
You are in quite a good position really - you have a husband to share your worries with - but it does seem from what you say that you are doing all the worrying. And you are both contributing to household expenses, with you having a good job and the opportunity to pick up more work as and when. But it's no good working yourself into the ground. You need support from your husband, it's not just your problem.
It might be a good idea for you to sit down together and discuss the things you've put on here in your original post. It doesn't seem as if you are communicating with each other but you have joint debts which need to be discussed.
I also do think that if you spoke to someone at StepChange - or one of the other agencies - you'd be able to get a better idea of what can be done so that you can both start living instead of working yourselves to the bone and missing out (as you say) on your children while they're young.
I can guarantee that if you make that free phone call and you are willing to accept some advice, your life will start improving. I know that from personal experience as some time ago, I was a single parent on a low income and at my wits' end and they helped me. I'm now debt free - I'm not going to say it was easy but it is achievable.
A free phone call, no-obligation, no judgement. You could at least try because you'd have nothing to lose. Except maybe half an hour.
Please note - taken from the Forum Rules and amended for my own personal use (with thanks) : It is up to you to investigate, check, double-check and check yet again before you make any decisions or take any action based on any information you glean from any of my posts. Although I do carry out careful research before posting and never intend to mislead or supply out-of-date or incorrect information, please do not rely 100% on what you are reading. Verify everything in order to protect yourself as you are responsible for any action you consequently take.
Ahh OK - long deployment, that's a tough one. I have a friend heading off shortly for 4 months and to his family that feels bad enough so I feel for you with a 6-monther to deal with. One thing I will suggest - I know your name is a fairly "standard" one but you might want to think about asking the forum team for a change of user-name as with the additional personal detail now you are probably more identifiable than approved of under PerSec.
Definitely worth doing the SOA now and again once he's back - hopefully it will only be relatively small tweaks when he's back as the income/main bills aren't going to change a great deal I assume? The SOA *should* reflect how things are right now anyway - so actually this is the right way to do it. It'll certainly tell you a lot about how accurate your perception of spending is anyway - and as a first step that's perhaps the most important one for you.
Congrats as you have started your journey on being in control of your spending by posting this thread. You have recognised the problem and want it to stop and I'm sure, in time, you will be better off financially.
Finally, almost every spend is agreed with my OH and two minds are better than one, IMHO
Well done on facing the issue. There is a Canadian series 'Til Debt Do Us Part' free on YouTube and the fantastic presenter Gail always looks first at what has been bought over 6 months and made into an average monthly spend - grouping categories like kids, grocery, restaurants, home etc. It is always eye opening so I think you should pull out all your bank and credit statements and do a 6 month or 12 months review of every penny. This way you can face up to what the figures actually say and make a budget (before the beginning of each month) of what money goes well including into sinking funds so the annual bills such as insurance or a holiday dont sink your budget.
The show is addictive watching (but free and great learning) She makes them go on a strict cash budget - you may not need that but a tight pre done budget every month where if you oversepnd on one category means you have to take from another pot really helps.
Having budgets and joining things like the monthly Grocery Challenge on here is really helpful as well as it makes you track your spending. The months I do the grocery challenge I definitely spend less.
I am choosing to be frugal to support some fabulous life changing and affirming financial goals Per month - Feb 23 Track my NSD's - Target 16 days 1/16 so far Track my Grocery spending in GC thread £22.98/£145 and £0/30 bulk Track what I save in my hse deposit and SIPP in my signature Hse £0 Sipp £200 Track extra income from ebay etc £0 Track Minimalist game 1/31
Thank you for all the replies so far, they are all really helpful.
Ideally me and my husband would be doing a joint SOA but he is deployed from aug just gone until mid Feb so it’s hard to gauge accurate expenses unless I go back to before him being deployed. currently he pays half of all our joint bills and pays some tiwards the twins food/clothing etc. then general expenses, nursery, food shop. I pay for.
So I guess is it worth doing an SOA now for my finances and then repeating this after a month he is back so we can see what we spend as a couple?
Also with the SOA I find it harder at the moment when looking at finances as with Christmas I naturally spend more this time of year.
I really want to get a handle on my spending and get the debt finally gone.
Thanks again for all the help so far
As other have said an SOA will highlight area's of improvement and cutting back. It also sets you a budget, so once you have that budget in mind you know you can't go over it or you have to adjust it if it's not enough.
Having a number of account's helped me stay in control of my money better. I allocated all the accounts set amounts of money and what was left in my main account was left for me for the month to blag on what I liked or to bump op savings or pay off debt. I have money go in to my "main" account.. I then allocate money in to 6 different accounts which have a purpose. Bill's, breakdowns, holiday, Christmas and birthdays, day to day spending (food, days out and 1 restaurant/takeaway treat a month, prescriptions, school stuff) and savings.
Bill's account for example all DD's get paid from here. I total up the yearly coat of all bills, divide by 12 (months) and pay in that amount +10%, so I always know I will never get a miss a payment. Birthdays/Christmas write down who you buy for and the budget you spend on them for their birthday then multiply by 2 (for Christmas), again pay in 10% more a month and you'll always have enough to buy that gift for someone. Basically each account has a function, and the amounts vary throughout the month/year the only one that just goes up is savings... Unless I allocate something for that to be spent on (new roof/kitchen refit etc)
Instead of buying maybe list somethings on eBay or vinted to make some extra cash to help pay off that debt, and you'll be at home for the lil ones too doing that.
I don't have a car as it's just not in my budget to afford one, however you have 2 on finance and one is just sitting there 4/5/6 months of the year. Seems crazy to me, that one of those payments can help pay off your debt.
I wish you the best, the good thing is you've noticed there is a issue, so it's time to tackle it and give yourself and your family a better future with little to no financial constraints.
Replies
currently he pays half of all our joint bills and pays some
tiwards the twins food/clothing etc. then general expenses, nursery, food shop. I pay for.
You can get free, non-judgemental, friendly advice from the free debt help agencies - StepChange, National Debtline and Citizens Advice.
I'll put the link for StepChange because they helped me get out of debt. https://www.stepchange.org/
They will want to discuss your financial incomings and outgoings but you can just give them a rough idea if things are going to change. Even if your husband's circumstances are going to change, you are still actually having to live until February.
You say "I do have a large amount of debt . . . " - but isn't it a joint debt?
You are in quite a good position really - you have a husband to share your worries with - but it does seem from what you say that you are doing all the worrying. And you are both contributing to household expenses, with you having a good job and the opportunity to pick up more work as and when. But it's no good working yourself into the ground. You need support from your husband, it's not just your problem.
It might be a good idea for you to sit down together and discuss the things you've put on here in your original post. It doesn't seem as if you are communicating with each other but you have joint debts which need to be discussed.
I also do think that if you spoke to someone at StepChange - or one of the other agencies - you'd be able to get a better idea of what can be done so that you can both start living instead of working yourselves to the bone and missing out (as you say) on your children while they're young.
I can guarantee that if you make that free phone call and you are willing to accept some advice, your life will start improving. I know that from personal experience as some time ago, I was a single parent on a low income and at my wits' end and they helped me. I'm now debt free - I'm not going to say it was easy but it is achievable.
A free phone call, no-obligation, no judgement. You could at least try because you'd have nothing to lose. Except maybe half an hour.
Definitely worth doing the SOA now and again once he's back - hopefully it will only be relatively small tweaks when he's back as the income/main bills aren't going to change a great deal I assume? The SOA *should* reflect how things are right now anyway - so actually this is the right way to do it. It'll certainly tell you a lot about how accurate your perception of spending is anyway - and as a first step that's perhaps the most important one for you.
I won't bore you with a long post.
Congrats as you have started your journey on being in control of your spending by posting this thread. You have recognised the problem and want it to stop and I'm sure, in time, you will be better off financially.
Finally, almost every spend is agreed with my OH and two minds are better than one, IMHO
Good luck!
This way you can face up to what the figures actually say and make a budget (before the beginning of each month) of what money goes well including into sinking funds so the annual bills such as insurance or a holiday dont sink your budget.
The show is addictive watching (but free and great learning)
Having budgets and joining things like the monthly Grocery Challenge on here is really helpful as well as it makes you track your spending. The months I do the grocery challenge I definitely spend less.
Per month - Feb 23
Track my NSD's - Target 16 days 1/16 so far
Track my Grocery spending in GC thread £22.98/£145 and £0/30 bulk
Track what I save in my hse deposit and SIPP in my signature Hse £0 Sipp £200
Track extra income from ebay etc £0
Track Minimalist game 1/31
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6289577/future-proofing-my-life-deposit-saving-then-mfw-journey-in-under-13-years#latest
Having a number of account's helped me stay in control of my money better. I allocated all the accounts set amounts of money and what was left in my main account was left for me for the month to blag on what I liked or to bump op savings or pay off debt.
I have money go in to my "main" account.. I then allocate money in to 6 different accounts which have a purpose.
Bill's, breakdowns, holiday, Christmas and birthdays, day to day spending (food, days out and 1 restaurant/takeaway treat a month, prescriptions, school stuff) and savings.
Bill's account for example all DD's get paid from here. I total up the yearly coat of all bills, divide by 12 (months) and pay in that amount +10%, so I always know I will never get a miss a payment.
Birthdays/Christmas write down who you buy for and the budget you spend on them for their birthday then multiply by 2 (for Christmas), again pay in 10% more a month and you'll always have enough to buy that gift for someone.
Basically each account has a function, and the amounts vary throughout the month/year the only one that just goes up is savings... Unless I allocate something for that to be spent on (new roof/kitchen refit etc)
Instead of buying maybe list somethings on eBay or vinted to make some extra cash to help pay off that debt, and you'll be at home for the lil ones too doing that.
I don't have a car as it's just not in my budget to afford one, however you have 2 on finance and one is just sitting there 4/5/6 months of the year. Seems crazy to me, that one of those payments can help pay off your debt.
I wish you the best, the good thing is you've noticed there is a issue, so it's time to tackle it and give yourself and your family a better future with little to no financial constraints.