Secret Credt Card

Enufsed

Hi, my OH has no idea about money whatsoever. He remortgaged the property so many times in order to clear his debts. He's been bankrupt and we had to go on DMP in 2009 when he retired early due to ill health and I carried on working to clear his debts and pay off the mortgage. We're finally became debt free (apart from one debt which reared its ugly head a few months ago) and I was able to retire in 2019 owning our own home with small amount of savings and pension. We both had money to spend each month and it was made very clear there would be no more credit and no joint bank accounts, I didn't want to be financially associated with him at all. We have even become tenants in common, safeguarding 50% of the property.

I've just found out he's had a credt card for a few months (so he says but I don't believe anything he tells me now, could be much longer) and I'm just so upset and so angry with him. He says he'll pay it off and then cancel it (again I'm sure there'll be too much temptation for him to spend "because he really needs something and it only costs £50 and he's no pension left!"). I was going to ask him to give the card to me but I know he could get another so I can't see the point.

Any idea what to do going forward? I've so many health problems now, aggravated by stress and  he gets very angry if he thinks he's being criticised.

Thanks in advance.


 

MovingForwards

Divorce him, take 50% of the property equity and start over in a little home of your own.

Simple, effective, reduces stress and brings a smile back to your face.

Enufsed

If only it was that simple, but thanks. 

RAS

With respect to the debt that reared it's ugly head, please check if it's valid, statute barred etc before you do anything.

Also go to the page here Check your credit score & report for free - MSE (moneysavingexpert.com)

And check your credit records. Once you understand how to do it, invite hubby to do the same. Explain it is to check if there is anything else that might rear it's ugly head.

It will also show up any recent antics, I'd then make it clear that that clear that you will both be doing this every couple of months going forward.

MovingForwards

Unless you both work as a team, nothing will change and it will continue to fall on your shoulders.

And yes, it is that simple otherwise I wouldn't have said it. A few of us on this forum have started over, cleared debt and are in a much better place emotionally, physically, mentally and financially.

peteuk

If you don’t believe anything he says, is this just about money?

Unless he changes his behaviour, it will reoccur.  Debt is addictive and it sound like his threshold is low.  Given the difficulties you’ve already been through, if he hasn’t changed already then it will be difficult to change now. 

Divorce him financially and let him sort it out, because whilst you prop him up you both run the risk of this reoccurring.

mr_stripey

Divorce my sound extreme from where you're sitting, but it may be the only realistic option if he's not going to change his ways.

My marriage ended partially due to financial problems - I'm definately in a much better place now.

You can either still be sat here in a year's time with him having racked up more debts or you could be indpendent and doing your own thing.

Maybe he needs such an ultimatium. Change and work together or that's it...

Enufsed

Thanks everyone for your advice, food for thought.

I'm thinking in the meantime to have the financial association removed from on my credit files. We haven't had any joint finacial accounts since they were cleared in 2018 with F&F offers. It's only our home which I've recently had changed from Joint Tenants to Tenants in Common.

Are there any groups to learn how to control spending like the ones for alcoholics or gamblers? I know he needs an ultimatum but I need to be certain about what I'm prepared to do if there's no change. It's difficult after 53 years of marriage.