Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay for the book he borrowed from me?

shzl400

All the foregoing posts show that the best way to raise the ire of a librophile is to fail to return a book lent in good faith.  Sadly, it's all too common for people who are "lent" items not to return them and, if lending you do need to make it crystal at the outset that you expect the item to be returned.  I once lent an item of baby clothing that was of great sentimental value, only to be told later that it had been donated on (to Russia!).  If I wanted to donate it, I would have done so myself.   I'm still missing a load of (now quite valuable) AD&D handbooks because no one I know will admit to having borrowed them.   Sadly, this means that I have adopted the maxim "neither a borrower nor a lender be".   Everyone loses all round.

crmism

It's a sad fact of life that some people treat the property of others in such a cavalier fashion with no thought for anyone but themselves, and even sadder that your experience is by no means exceptional. Quite why they behave like that is a mystery; perhaps they confuse the meaning of the words "loan" and "gift".
With luck and diligent searching, you can hopefully replace the lost book and do as I and, I suspect, many unfortunates have done by being on your guard and declining to lend anything in future. Best to write the book's value off, I think, and move on.

BobbinAlong

Ask the wife directly for the book back.

mydreamality

My take is this: if you've read the book, and it isn't a limited edition or anything of the sort I would just leave it be careful about what I loan out to this friend. If it's a valuable book either in monetary or sentimental value ask for them to replace it. If they refuse then that's another story. 

Bogof_OAP

mydreamality said:

My take is this: if you've read the book, and it isn't a limited edition or anything of the sort I would just leave it be careful about what I loan out to this friend. If it's a valuable book either in monetary or sentimental value ask for them to replace it. If they refuse then that's another story. 

I was thinking that at £20 it might be a reference book, or perhaps a cookery book, i.e. something that you don't just read once and dispose of.  Almost definitely going to be a hardback anyway.  No excuse for not returning it.  Not much of a "friend".

Smodlet

It does not matter what it is nor how much it cost; the principle is the same:  If you borrowed it, you return it in the same condition you received it within a reasonable time; nothing else is acceptable.  If you think otherwise, you deserve as much respect as that you offer other people's possessions.

OH once lent a "stanley" (craft) knife to a new neighbour; it was returned covered in paint and incapable of retraction.  He told the oaf to either clean it to his satisfaction or to buy a replacement.  The oaf cleaned and returned it with the attitude he had done us a huge favour.  This is the calibre of those who do not respect others' property:  Avoid them.

P.S.  Who reads a book they have bought only once?  That is what libraries are for.

Emerion

A lot of us are not good at reading others, we think everyone is the same as us. The lender assumed that the the lendee would know that the book must be returned, without having to say so straight out ( because that might have seemed a bit rude). The lendee assumed, wrongly, that “I’m lending it out” meant “I’m finished with it”. Of course it’s bad manners to assume anything when it comes to other people’s property, but people always do, always will. So, as the damage is done, decide if you want to fall out about it, which you probably will if you ask for the money - Remember, he thinks you implied that you didn’t want it anymore. He will believe that you should have said so if you wanted it back. For the future, only lend what you are cheerfully prepared to never see again,  but back that up with a polite/jokey request to have it returned, and hope for the best. 

Timpu

In my mother tongue the word for wife (boah) and book (boi) are similar. There is a saying, "Lend neither your wife nor your books". That's it. That's all I had to say.