Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay for the book he borrowed from me?

newwiseman

I would be apalled if I lent someone a book who then not only demonstrated a complete lack of care of my property by losing it but compounded that by not immediately replacing it. If not replaceable then at least paying sufficient to replace with similar. You should not have to ask for this, but as you evidently do, do not feel guilty about it, not much of a friend.

Practical1

Oh dear this brings back memories.  I had friends who would borrow books, films even my sewing machine and money over time. I never got my books, films or money back and was definately not going to lose my sewing machine so had to go and demand it back. after asking several times. Now I don't part with anything unless I give it to charities....and the so called friends are no more! Lesson learnt!

elizabethhull

The thing about loved books - it's not just the actual words, it's knowing exactly where a favourite segment is, because you know that specific edition. So a replacement has to be exact - which is what I've used eBay for.
One book I lent, by request, and because she was a good friend, and when I asked for it back, I was told she had thrown it away because the spine was broken. Well, yes, I'd bought it second-hand and it was already damaged, didn't mean I didn't want it back.
Another book, that I've been unable to replace,  was also lent at a friend's request, kept quite a long time and then she suddenly moved house, probably decluttering MY book as she went ! 
These are just 2 from several instances, seems a lot of people have zero respect for other's possessions.
It has totally put me off lending anything I value.

omendata

Send him an Amazon link for the book and your address.  

martmdc

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I lent a friend a book a few months ago, and recently asked him to return it. He searched his house but it was nowhere to be seen - he said his wife had probably given it to a charity shop. It wasn't worth more than £20, but he hasn't offered to replace or pay for it, and when I've brought the subject up he refuses to discuss it. Should my friend pay for my book?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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Drop the f(r)iend! Had this happen to me so, so many times with books, records, cd's etc. Its not on! Not acceptable and actually an abuse of your trust, integrity and friendship. These types, do not care, all about them! And have heard all the excuses under the sun form them. Nah! No way is this acceptable! I learnt this after happening to me so many times and then lent a book to ( so called ) friend, one that was important to me because it was a gift and signed inside etc...I trusted the person lent to and was so embarrassed having to constantly question when would get it back only to be given excuse after excuse etc = SOME FRIEND!!

Consider1

 I have lent things before and not received them back. It is annoying as those things were precious to me and I told the borrower that  this was the case, but people are careless of others property. Once I lent a book (out of print) and after a week I asked for it back. I was told it was somewhere in his house, but after a further week he couldn't be bothered to turn his house upside down. He offered to pay for a replacement but I could not get a copy despite using specialist seachers, so could not put a replacement cost. The information was the precious thing. No internet searches then and although now the book is referred to the text is not reported. I never got money or the information so I have a irreplaceable loss. I will never now lend out things again f they are irreplaceable. Another item was a VHS video series  I lent to a work colleague. Never got it back. He claimed possibly went into another VHS case, but not my problem. He should of opened his video cases and looked or if lent onto a friend recovered it. He did not. Lucklily went onto Amazon a few years later and was able to get a DVD copy. No payment ever received from him.

Anndaruvala

I think your friend should replace it. I am a serial re-reader, & I keep all books I read unless I dislike one, in which case I offer it to my mother-in-law or give it to my favourite charity shop. I have only discovered recently that many people never re-read, & pass books on when they have read them, which to me seems bizarre. These days I write my name in the front of books I'm keeping, as I occasionally lend them, & I tend to remember who I've lent to. I'm very selective these days about lending, as I was particularly hacked off by one not returned, which I have replaced. I'm likely to distance myself from anyone who doesn't return a lent item, as clearly they don't share my values. 
This thread is interesting - my first response was "Of course, he should replace it". I still think the same, but the responses have made me think about it more. 

Bogof_OAP

Many years ago a colleague (not particularly a friend) at work was off sick, and it was reported that she was bored as she had nothing to read.  In my extreme naivety and sympathy I sorted out ALL my favourite Penguin modern classics (they were modern in the 70s!) and had a mutual colleague deliver them to her.  Yep, never saw one of them again.  To this day I regret that loss, and have never lent a book since.

The borrower in this discussion should at least check with his wife, rather than just passing the buck for the loss on to her.  She may have it in a safe place ready to return!

Odysseus

I wish I could say I am surprised but I once lent a whole set of books by one author to a friend who wanted to read them and when I asked for them back she said "I gave them away - they were only paperbacks so I thought you wouldn't want them".  Your friend is not much of a friend if he cannot take care of a book someone lent him and mist certainly should replace it. 

liney

lent, lend·ing - to grant the use of (something) on condition that it or its equivalent will be returned
borrow - take and use (something belonging to someone else) with the intention of returning it.

Without question, any item lent or borrowed should be returned; however, the question here is whether the friend genuinely thought he was being given the book, as opposed to being lent the book.

The lender needs to consider whether they made it very clear they were lending the book, not gifting the book. Only they know, so only they know if the deal has been broken.