Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay for the book he borrowed from me?

EdwardB

I have a simple rule, do not lend anything you want back.

This applies to

Money
Tools
Car Battery Chargers
Books
Anything I value

I use to write a note inside the book saying "This book was lend to Mary, please return to Ed before end of 2020 "
but people still did not return books

I used to restrict lending tools to getting it back by end of day, only to be met with "I did not get around to it or can I return it tomorrow"

So now I just gift things or assume I will never get it back.

Sometimes I use freecycle to find the item I lost, I used to use Charity shops to seek out my lost books but they have become so greedy, now I get books for 50p at GP Surgery or I find a digital version online.

So NO your friend should not pay for the book they borrowed from you.

If you lend something you have to assume it is gone forever, but ideally do not lend, learn to say "I would rather not but I believe they have that book at the library or 2nd hand versions on Amazon.

LizzieFlorence

I still adhere to my mother's advice. Never lend anything that you don't want to lose and remember  to never lend money but give it as a gift. That way, if you get it back it's a bonus.

LameWolf

Yes he should pay; in fact he should buy you a replacement copy.

Make a mental note never to lend anything to this person again.

NBLondon

EdwardB said:

So NO your friend should not pay for the book they borrowed from you.

No friend's wife should since she gave away an item that was not hers to give...

If it's an existing friendship - there shouldn't need to be an explicit "remember I want this back" every time.   Whether the assumption is "return it" or "pass it on when done" - friends would know that.  Even if a mistake was made - a friend would surely say "Sorry - I'll get you another copy" and go on from there.

JoPut

Of course he should replace it - immediately, or be shot!  The true moral is never, EVER, lend a book!

randers

Simply ask him why he hasn't replaced it. A friendship will withstand that. And you'll have an answer, and he'll know that it's an issue for you (which it would appear to be since you've raised it on here). He either will or won't replace it of course, but he'll know that's what you'd like him to do, and depending on his response you'll be better able to judge how you consider him.

jewelqueen

It really annoys me when you loan out an item, irrespective of it's worth, and your so called 'friend' doesn't basically give a toss about it.  I'd be sending them a link for a new copy or second hand one and asking them to replace it. If as you say they are now refusing to discuss it they are obviously embarrassed or think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Tell them how you feel. If they don't respond it's not worth keeping in contact with them.

DontBringBertie

I lent a drill to someone locally - didn’t really know her but she asked on our WhatsApp group if anyone had a spare to borrow that day so thought I’d be polite. 

Must have asked her 5 times when she was going to return it and every time it was “I’ll drop it round later” and she never did.

Eventually had to drive round there myself, knock on the door and take it back. She didn’t even apologise. And then she had the cheek to ask me for a lift to and from the pub a 10 minute drive away that weekend because her car was in the garage. And during partial lockdown when you’re not meant to be sharing lifts anyway. Obviously with no offer of payment. 

Some people just lack manners.

Marvel1

I would replace it, if it was lent to me.

Academy5449

MSE_Kelvin said:

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I lent a friend a book a few months ago, and recently asked him to return it. He searched his house but it was nowhere to be seen - he said his wife had probably given it to a charity shop. It wasn't worth more than £20, but he hasn't offered to replace or pay for it, and when I've brought the subject up he refuses to discuss it. Should my friend pay for my book?

Whats interesting is you say that your "friend" refuses to discuss it? So he is actually refusing to accept responsibility for losing one of your possessions? To me it is immaterial whether it is £20 or £2,000. He doesn't say sorry, doesn't accept responsibility, shows no insight into what he has done, then this does not sound like a proper friend. Of course your friend "should" pay for / replace your book. More likely, I suggest you replace your so-called friend.