Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay for the book he borrowed from me?

dani_B

I had this with a CD back in school. We laugh about it now, but I have never lent anybody anything ever since

REJP

Of course your friend should pay for the book or buy you another if still in print.
Too many people borrow books and tools etc and never return them.  If your friend will not discuss the matter, write and ask for the book to be returned or paid for.
If that does not work, get another friend.  Nasty when your friend blames his wife for possibly giving it to a charity shop.  It was his responsibility to take care of your property.

pickledonionspaceraider

Have you read the book? Do you need the book and refer to it on a regular basis?
If it were like a university text book then yes I would expect a replacement
If it were a Novel, and I had read it, then not really bothered
Not sure its worth losing a friendship over, either way

luxor4t

I learned this the hard way and no longer lend anybody a book I like. 

Books4me

I agree that if he asked to borrow the book, he should certainly replace it. But did he ask to borrow it, or did you - like I often do! - foist it onto him as a good read?  It's always much harder to a) encourage them to read it quickly and b) have it returned it if they never asked for it in the first place. Believe me. I no longer lend books unless someone specifically asks to borrow them. Sorry.

Emerion

Did you make it clear that you wanted the book back? I know he should have assumed that you wanted it unless you clearly stated otherwise, but people are brought up differently from each other. We all assume things all the time, when we really shouldn’t. Obviously, once you asked him for it, he should then have done something about it. Maybe he was embarrassed, and his way of dealing with it was to ignore the problem, again - upbringing. None of this would be a complete excuse, because he’s an adult, and should behave like one. But if he has been a good friend apart from this failing, I would think about whether I wanted to risk the friendship for £20. Because I can’t see it going well. Only you know if this behaviour is either a symptom of an underlying contempt for others, or of his ineptness/cowardice in awkward situations.

ACosta

Different people have different feelings about "things". To me a book has no emotional value attached to it, if I really liked to the book, I would like my friends to experience the same warm feelings, and pass it on. If they gave to charity, I would actually be happy about it.

pixwix

I'm a keen reader, with a sizeable book collection. I don't use public libraries partly because my local one is good only for romantic novels and celebrity biographies. Plus, I rather like to know where a book has last been when I handle it.

And I never, ever, lend books.

Though if I'm trying to clear shelf space, I often give surplus books away to friends. And if a close friend or family member pointedly admires a book - well that's what birthdays and Xmases are for. Most of them know that they have a 99% chance of receiving a book from me as a gift anyway.

I found out the hard way years ago that the easiest way to lose friends is to lend money, books or tools. Or perhaps I just found out who my real friends were. In the case of books it wasn't always just none-return - nothing worse than having to replace books returned badly soiled or with those telltale marks that suggest the last reader has licked their fingers when turning pages. The first is as unforgivable as none-return, and the second is just ... yeuuuch!!

Smodlet

When I was but a Smodling, my grandfather gave me a bookmark on which he had written, "Remember, a book lent is a book lost."  Despite this, I too fell victim to losing a brand new book I had read only once to a colleague, not even a friend; stupid me.  When I asked her about it, she denied all knowledge.  I would have made a fuss but still had to work with her.  My fault entirely, should have known better and never lent a book again.

I now lend nothing to anyone except one set of next door neighbours, who always return or replace things, bless 'em.

orangerose1

We all have faults, this is one  of his....
Perhaps he has good points you value enough to stay friends, or not ?