Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friend pay for the book he borrowed from me?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I lent a friend a book a few months ago, and recently asked him to return it. He searched his house but it was nowhere to be seen - he said his wife had probably given it to a charity shop. It wasn't worth more than £20, but he hasn't offered to replace or pay for it, and when I've brought the subject up he refuses to discuss it. Should my friend pay for my book?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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KxMx

If I was your friend I would be mortified and immediately offer to buy a new replacement copy. 

Aranyani

Send him an Amazon link for the book and your address.  

-taff

Ask him straight out to buy you another copy, please and thank you very much.

Mishomeister

He is not really a friend as instead of offering you money or replacement, he is dragging his hills. I would wish farewell to such 'friend' and be happy that I didn't lend him any cash.

bayness

They should, but how important is the money or book versus the friendship?  Only you can decide that.

hwadsworth52

Your “friend’s” arrogance is disturbing. How much value do you place on the relationship?  Too much to tell the jackass to get you a replacement copy or just let it go and never lend him anything again?  It’s an interesting dilemma and I would like to know how you resolve it. 

gloriouslyhappy

Any normal person would say 'I'm terribly sorry about this, I'll get you a replacement'. Bayness said: "They should, but how important is the money or book versus the friendship?  Only you can decide that." But clearly this is a one-sided friendship, I wouldn't lend anything else and I'll back out the relationship gently with no drama. For my sake, not theirs.

mr.omneo

A few years ago I loaned an out of print book to a friend and after several months asked if they had finished with it, "Oh! I didn't think you wanted it back, I dropped it off to a charity shop." No apology, couldn't for the life of me figure out what made them think I didn't want it returned as i had told them how much I liked the book.

After 4 months of popping in to said charity shop every week I found it on the shelf and paid £3 for it, a few weeks later I mentioned it to my friend, "Glad you got it, it was a good book." Since that day I decided perhaps they weren't the friend i thought they were and we drifted apart.

These issues are seldom about monetary value, it is about respect for other people, especially people you call/think of as friends

elsien

“When I’ve brought the subject up he refuses to discuss it” is all a bit vague. 

Could range from a half-hearted mention of said book followed by a swift change of subject to book owner saying “when are you going to buy me a new one? 

It seems a bit of a faff over a book. Either ask them straight out for a replacement or let it go, don’t lend him anything else, and decide on balance what the friendship is worth the you, 

Ian_Kelsey

It's just a book and £20. If he's a good friend, the friendship's worth more. If you've read the book, what's the bother? If not get another copy. If he's not a good friend, dump the friendship, still get another copy and remember never to loan it out.