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DH Personal Hygiene

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Just after a bit of advice please.  I've been married for over 27 years.  I love him to bits and pieces and on the whole we get on most of the time!  We do most things together.  He is very generous and loving.  We both took early retirement at end of last year.  We each have separate hobbies and friends (well he has one good friend).  We have an active social life with friends.  I think things have become magnified for me because of Coronavirus and because we are now at home all the time together.  We do have a large house, garden and garage - I spend time in the craft room (spare bedroom DH has made into a craft room for me), sewing and he spends lots of time in the garage, fixing and mending stuff which he loves.  We also do gardening together and cooking.  

DH's personal hygiene has never been that great.  But now, it is really bothering me I am forever saying "wash your hands" or "have you washed your hands"  knowing full we he hasn't.  This has resulted in a big row this morning.  I let it blow over - was baking bread and he went outside to do some fixing up stuff in his garage.  I called him in for lunch - he sat straight at table and didn't wash his hands, they were dirty from the mending stuff he was doing in the garage.  I didn't say anything   Towards the end of the meal I said "i'm sorry I keep on about washing your hands, but it's magnified for me with the Coronvavirus (which he does know).  This resulted in him shouting and saying I said it every other sentence.  He shouts when he is angry, he is slightly deaf and won't wear his aids, so that doesn't help.  He is also prone to over-exaggeration - I probably say it about 3 - 4 times a day.  I just kept quiet.  After the meal he went to the sink and washing his hands and did the washing up - which is he sign for saying sorry - he does a nice little deed :)

What do I do?  Do I just leave it alone and don't say anything else?  Is it me?
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  • crv1963crv1963 Forumite
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    1) It's not you!
    2) With the current (and recent) situation lots of people have been affected by the various messages we have been given and the emphasis on "Stay safe, wash your hands" has been driven on remorselessly.
    3) Your OH could just be fed up, missing activities and social interaction with others?
    Mrs CRV and I get on well but being continuously in each others pockets would no doubt be a bit wearing - especially if we were isolated - luckily we both have been working throughout the situation. So I'd not overthink the situation, my take on it is "Does this harm me?" if the answer is no then let it go, if yes then speak up again.
    CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!
  • MrsPorridgeMrsPorridge Forumite
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    Thank you CRV for taking the time to respond.  Your last couple of sentences sum it up.  Does it harm me?  No, it hasn't harmed me in 27 odd years.  I don't like it, but I can live with it.
    Getting back on Track
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  • 74jax74jax Forumite
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    Just after a bit of advice please.  I've been married for over 27 years.  I love him to bits and pieces and on the whole we get on most of the time!  We do most things together.  He is very generous and loving.  We both took early retirement at end of last year.  We each have separate hobbies and friends (well he has one good friend).  We have an active social life with friends.  I think things have become magnified for me because of Coronavirus and because we are now at home all the time together.  We do have a large house, garden and garage - I spend time in the craft room (spare bedroom DH has made into a craft room for me), sewing and he spends lots of time in the garage, fixing and mending stuff which he loves.  We also do gardening together and cooking.  

    DH's personal hygiene has never been that great.  But now, it is really bothering me I am forever saying "wash your hands" or "have you washed your hands"  knowing full we he hasn't.  This has resulted in a big row this morning.  I let it blow over - was baking bread and he went outside to do some fixing up stuff in his garage.  I called him in for lunch - he sat straight at table and didn't wash his hands, they were dirty from the mending stuff he was doing in the garage.  I didn't say anything   Towards the end of the meal I said "i'm sorry I keep on about washing your hands, but it's magnified for me with the Coronvavirus (which he does know).  This resulted in him shouting and saying I said it every other sentence.  He shouts when he is angry, he is slightly deaf and won't wear his aids, so that doesn't help.  He is also prone to over-exaggeration - I probably say it about 3 - 4 times a day.  I just kept quiet.  After the meal he went to the sink and washing his hands and did the washing up - which is he sign for saying sorry - he does a nice little deed :)

    What do I do?  Do I just leave it alone and don't say anything else?  Is it me?
    This is tough. I don't really go out at the moment due to Covid19 so I don't tend to wash my hands 'that' much and I've never been one to wash them before a meal unless I really needed too.  However  it's the first thing I do after being to click and collect etc.
    And I would if is been gardening.... However if he's only in your garden then it's not likely that he'll pick up anything covid related.
    I think 3 to 4 times a day saying something is a bit excessive, but this is something that doesn't matter what others think/say. You both need to comprise to something you're both happy with. 
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • MisslayedMisslayed Forumite, Board Guide
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    I have a list (in my head, must never write it down) of ten things I will forgive him for, I'd put it on there. My OH clears the table after every meal, and puts it next to the empty dishwasher. That's on the list!
    Hi. Martin has asked me to tell you I'm a Board Guide on the Competitions, Site Feedback and Campaigns boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to [email protected] (it's not part of my role to deal with abuse). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • theoreticatheoretica Forumite
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    I agree that the garage is unlikely to be a hotbed of covid - how would it get in there? 
    One thing that struck me is you called him for lunch and he went straight to the table - my family always calls a few minutes early for a meal for clean up time.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • MrsPorridgeMrsPorridge Forumite
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    Thank you all - comments have made me feel a lot better.  I knew I was blowing it out of all proportion - I now need to work on keeping things in perspective.
    Getting back on Track
    Save £12k in 2019. #130 £10,210/£15,000
  • SocajamSocajam Forumite
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    I am sorry but I am with the OP on dirty hands - something that I refuse to accept from anyone.
    One of the first things I tell my family and friends when they come to my house is to wash their hands.  After that, you can treat the house anyway you want (except put your feet on my sofa). But not washing hands is a no no for me.  And Covid-19 have only increased it more.
    I always wash my hands before opening my refrigerator door and taking things out.
    I wash my hands after using the bathroom and then again when I go into the kitchen to start cooking.
    For those you say coming in from the garden does not matter: he is/was handling garden tools etc, which I bet if a test was done on them, the germs would be screaming out loud at being tested.
  • oystercatcheroystercatcher Forumite
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    I am a bit obsessive about handwashing too, I used to work in NHS so it becomes ingrained. I winced when I read OP's OH sat at table to eat without washing, but, I think it's probably wise to save the battles for when it matters. So, when he's been out shopping or socialising then handwashing is really important as there is a chance he could have touched something with covid bugs on and a routine reminder wouldn't hurt at all.  just being in the house and garden with nobody from other households then covid bugs are unlikely so whatever he does usually will probably do no more harm than it usually does. 

    Like someone else mentioned though in our family we always have an " About to dish up, wash your hands everyone!" warning , must have started when the children were tiny and stuck, it's useful . 

    Is there any chance you could discuss this at a time when you are both calm so you can hear why he doesn't think it's worth bothering to wash and you can put across your worries and maybe come to a compromise somewhere in the middle so at least he's not putting you at risk of covid  but if he wants to risk tummy bugs then thats his own choice!
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