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Arguing with husband

21 replies 5.4K views
I know there is alot going on at the moment,  so this feels a little stupid really, but its really upset me, so anyway, it was hubbys birthday today, his parents rang him to wish him happy birthday,  i was out of the room, so i came back in halfway through the conversation,  his mum asked if i was cooking him anything special, before he could answer she then says and pigs might fly!!. Hubby just agrees with her. I was absolutely gutted that she could say such a nasty remark about me. We have been married for nearly 11 years, in that time she has never liked me. I have always tried to buy presents and cards from the kids. Anyway, when he got off the phone i said that was a bit of a nasty comment to make, hubby started sticking up for her saying she didn't mean it. I went out of the room to calm down but it wound me up even more tbh, i came back in and said that she was a xxxxxxx bxxxx to say what she did. That was it hubby started arguing with me saying i was out of order, and i shouldn't have been listening to his conversation!! And that i should apologise! I am fuming that he didnt say anything back to his mother tbh, its gone so far now that he is leaving me and the kids tomorrow.  If this was the other way round, and it was my family, i wouldn't have got annoyed by him calling my mum that, but tbh i would have stuck up for him in the beginning. He is 49, and we have 2 kids together. 
:love:
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Replies

  • edited 16 March at 11:17PM
    Retireby40Retireby40 Forumite
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    edited 16 March at 11:17PM
    He is 49 so I assume his mother is 75-80. Some old people have a habit of being rude and crabbit. I do emphasise some before the pensioners start attacking me. 

    For me it wouldnt matter to me if my mother in law criticised me because quite frankly I dont care too much what she thinks of me. I'm lucky she likes me but if in 20 years she thinks I'm useless at x y or z I'm not going to let the thoughts of an 80 year old annoy me. Il laugh it off tell my other half her mums a grumpy !!!!!! to which she will probably say ah she isnt too bad you are rubbish at DIY and that will be the end.

    One question how did you hear her saying this? Did he have it on loud speaker? 

    I think in this aspect you should have been abit more thick skinned. Ok the comment wasnt nice but again you called your husbands mum some unsavory things which was worse. His mother made a flippant comment that most people would have said to themselves " miserable old !!!!!!, I wont be making her dinner anytime soon anyway".

    I dont know where you go from here. Where is your husband planning on going? See how the dust settles.
  • edited 17 March at 9:18AM
    PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    edited 17 March at 9:18AM
    He is 49 so I assume his mother is 75-80. Some old people have a habit of being rude and crabbit. I do emphasise some before the pensioners start attacking me. 

    For me it wouldnt matter to me if my mother in law criticised me because quite frankly I dont care too much what she thinks of me. I'm lucky she likes me but if in 20 years she thinks I'm useless at x y or z I'm not going to let the thoughts of an 80 year old annoy me. Il laugh it off tell my other half her mums a grumpy !!!!!! to which she will probably say ah she isnt too bad you are rubbish at DIY and that will be the end.

    One question how did you hear her saying this? Did he have it on loud speaker? 

    I think in this aspect you should have been abit more thick skinned. Ok the comment wasnt nice but again you called your husbands mum some unsavory things which was worse. His mother made a flippant comment that most people would have said to themselves " miserable old !!!!!!, I wont be making her dinner anytime soon anyway".

    I dont know where you go from here. Where is your husband planning on going? See how the dust settles.
    Good question (bit in bold).
    I think your reaction was over the top.
    I think his reaction to leave his wife and children over this is over the top.
  • SocajamSocajam Forumite
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    I don't think I could forgive you for calling my mother a xxxxxxx bxxxx.
    Put yourself in his shoes and ask how would you feel if he was to call your mother  or any female member of your family.
    I think you should apologize, then sit down with him and discuss his mother's remarks. Failure to do so could take your marriage down a path with no return.
    If things work out, stop listening to his phones calls to his mother which are private - whether think so or not.
    When my SO speaks to his mother, even if I am in the room, I remove myself to give him privacy.  Yes, there should be no secrets between us, but I do it is a matter of courtesy to both of us.
  • gwynlasgwynlas Forumite
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    If he is leaving over this it would apear that you were at or near breaking point anyway. So what that you have two kids together many divorcing couples do.
    What were you hoping to achieve by posting on the forum?
    For others questionning how you heard the commnt, I can often hear the other end of a phone conversation in the same room.
  • flanker6flanker6 Forumite
    91 posts
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Posts
    Your husband not defending you may seem out of order but, do you often make a fuss and do something special for his birthday? Was his mother "justified" in pointing out that you don't put yourself out on his birthday?
  • lyn07lyn07 Forumite
    15 posts
    Part of the Furniture First Post Combo Breaker
    Many thanks for all your replies. He did have the phone on loud speaker so I did hear what she said. I am a very sensitive person and do take alot to heart what people say about me. 
    My husband and I havent been getting along for a long time, tbh. There is alot going on and I feel like he is very unsupportive, he does work long hours (he is a very hard worker), but all the responsibility of everything is on me, i also work, my hours do change, this week I am on 10 hours, next week i am on 48 hours. 
    I am going to try and talk to him later, and see what happens from there. 

    :love:
  • thorsoakthorsoak Forumite
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    I would suggest that you try growing a thicker skin. Your MiL has been in your life for some time, so you should, by now, have learned to ignore her jibes.    In these present times, taking offence at something like this is completely out of order.   You want people to support your sensitivity and your OH to support you - but how much are you spporting him?   Not much when you are demanding he choose you over his mother (who, incidentally will fall into the "vulnerable" group) in this present climate.


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