How often to visit a relative in hospital?

My mother has been admitted to hospital and is likely to be there for a few weeks. I leave home at 5.30am each day for work, get home at 7pm and my commute is 30 miles each way. The hospital is 64 miles from work and 40 miles from where I live. For me to go from my house to hers (to get her clothes etc), then to the hospital, then home is 105 miles.

We have never had a close relationship and while I will obviously go to visit and get things for her, I wonder how often others would think it reasonable to go under these circumstances. She does have local friends who will visit too.
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  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 9,272
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    That's a hard one.

    Some people would take 3 weeks off work to be there every day.

    Others might not visit much, if at all.

    You need to soul search as to what you're able to do, without being wracked with guilt if you think you're not doing enough.
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  • Please remember to look after your own health and wellbeing as well. You have a long work day including commuting, adding a significant travel distance to the hospital on a regular basis could take its toll. Only you can decide if you feel you are doing enough. If she has other visitors its not so bad, I think you might feel obligated to visit more if she didn't have anyone else to look in on her.


    My dad's mother was in hospital for 15 weeks before she died. He visited nearly every day, despite them never having been close as he grew up due to a troubled relationship, he lived with his aunt for an extended period etc. However in his case, the hospital was local (within 7 miles), he was retired, and my grandmother had outlived most of her friends so didn't have many other visitors. Us grandkids popped in at least once a week, and tried to schedule it on days or times that my dad couldn't visit, so at least she would have a bit of company.
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  • Tom99
    Tom99 Posts: 5,371
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    Once a week.
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698
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    Once/twice at the weekend and once midweek should see you covered :)

    There's probably pretty much s0d all of interest you can talk to her about in any case....

    While they're in there their needs are met.... better to put any effort/time/resources into once they're home and "need" you more.
  • Find out what the visiting hours are first. It may be that you cannot get to see her during the week unless you take a day off or leave work early.


    Weekends would be easier as less time constraints & you could always take a Sunday paper or something which gives you the headlines to talk about & the paper for her to read once you have left.


    Realistically, if she's at death's door then take time off work. If not due to croak, then weekends are more suitable due to life/work/transport & the fact you cannot be in several places at once.


    Perhaps liaise with her chums & agree that you do weekends & they do weekdays...


    You could ensure she has access to hospital TV if she wants it (usually a prepaid card) then she'll have entertainment when the visitors have gone.
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  • maman
    maman Posts: 28,493
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    Could you go at weekends and stay over? So perhaps a Saturday evening visit and a Sunday afternoon before leaving for home.
  • It's a difficult one, she is your mother regardless of how your childhood relationship was or is now.


    Parents can be cruel at times without even trying because they think they know better.


    But alas life is short and you do tend to miss them when they are not here.


    I consider myself pretty emotionless and a loner, but if my parents were in hospital, I would make every effort to go as often as I could.


    But HOW OFTEN would depend on the nature of the admission.


    Is it a case of life or death or is it something minor?
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  • bertiewhite
    bertiewhite Posts: 1,904
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    Only you know how you view your relationship
  • If not close, once a week is plenty, and take her a cheapy PAYG throwaway phone so you can call her other times. You can be thinking of her without being physically there all the time!
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  • dawyldthing
    dawyldthing Posts: 3,438 Forumite
    If it was me I’d go a weekend day and if I could use annual leave have a day off in the middle of the week to go too. As there will be washing need doing, clothes need taking etc so could help and although friends say they will visit sometimes visits dry up and would give them something to look forwards to
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