Dd time management- £s

Hi there
I'm still relatively new here, though seeking advise? Discuss options?

Just wondering as our 18 DD keeps informing us "Her friends parents give them money" every month and these friends don't have to work?. We believe that it is important for teens to work PT to gain life/social skills experience even when at college/6th form, I personally was living on my own at 18 and paying bills.

We as a family have a small income I work FT and OH is retired on state pension,

Im fed up hearing the same thing off DD - yes she is working a few hours a week though keeps harping on saying I want to give up work and we give her money. We do budget every month and have managed to have emergency fund, however we do feel dd needs to learn important skills such as social/life and time management, as she is hoping to be going to uni come September so we've had the discussion about budgetting etc and even given her links to MSE website and student information .

I apologise if this isn't relevant to this forum.
Regards x


  • Les79
    Les79 Posts: 1,337 Forumite
    edited 20 February 2019 at 10:51PM
    Would help defining what DD means in your post.

    I'm assuming it means "Dear Daughter" or something like that?

    Aside from that, I can't see much of an issue here... It just seems like normal 18 year old behaviour!

    I note that she works a few hours per week, presumably in between college time. That's a really positive start! Of course she's going to moan about doing a bit of graft, though! Of course she's going to moan about it to you and how "better off" her friends are, and try to replicate that. It confuses me how you knock her down here, particularly if she is also studying in college in between this work.

    Maybe you should be a bit firm with her and say, "look we can't afford to pay you XYZ. We'll buy you the basic food which we've bought you for the last 18 years and cover your rent, but if you want spare money you have to work for it". BUT THEN be supportive in the fact that she IS making some effort already, and she is aiming to go to university as apposed to following your footsteps of paying bills and rubbish at 18.

    The "social skills" aspect is a bit weird from you, as she's just spent a few years in mandatory education (surrounded by "strangers" and having to interact with them; much like an adult job!). The budgeting aspect is more in your control to be fair, and I admire your efforts in that respect. But I sort of feel that the softer skills ("social skills") can't really be forced upon her.
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
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    My DD has just turned 50 ....and I remember being told the same thing when she was a teenager ...as well as getting the request that I should hand over "her" family allowance! At that time of course, family allowance was payable over the counter in the Post Office - I should her that my name was the payee - not hers. She - and her brothers - were all encouraged to get part-time work to finance their social lives which they did.

    Later, I found that her friends' parents were hearing the same stories from their daughters ....some things never change.

    Just encourage her to find a balance between working/studying and socialising - and its easier to build the foundations before she goes away to university or college.
  • lulu650
    lulu650 Posts: 1,158 Forumite
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    If you haven't already, would it be worth you showing your daughter your budget with income and outgoings? If you were to get unexpected bills or even be made redundant you have to have a safety net of savings. Ask her where does she think the money would come from to give to her.

    I was married just as I turned 19 and had just bought a house with my husband. Luckily we both had jobs where wages regularly increased, but it was very hard for a while.
    Saving money right, left and centre
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,347 Forumite
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    Does she want the time for studying or for social life/fun? Would a gap from work genuinely help her grades?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,236 Forumite
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    Are you currently buying things like college supplies, toiletries, travel and clothes? If you are, you could work out roughly how much you spend on the essentials per month and give her the money instead.

    When I was a teenager I asked for an allowance. When my mum told me how much it would be, I quickly realised that it was better for her to buy me things instead! You'll have given her the choice though and if she chooses to take it and messes up, she'll learn quickly.

    As a parent, I would hope to give my kids a some money for socialising but not so much that they wouldn't want to work as well. When she gets to uni and there are thousands of other students looking for work, she might appreciate that you encouraged her to get some work experience.
  • -taff
    -taff Posts: 14,581 Forumite
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    Ignore her complaints. If she wants more money, she can earn it. I had to, and it didn't do my grades any harm, and it did my pocket a lot of good.
    Shampoo? No thanks, I'll have real poo...
  • Monica18
    Thank you for the varied responses and kindness.

    If it came across we where berating her it wasn't meant that way - apologies.

    Our daughter is aware of our finances as we're open about it! We but all toiletries and pay monthly phone contract so in theory we do give her allowances in around about way? We have discussed in the past given her said.amount we spend on toiletries etc and then she'll.have to budget and didn't go with it.

    Yes learnt skills in school and currently 6th form, though I truly believe working even a few hrs helps as mixing in a different environment.
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 47,084 Ambassador
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    May be worth looking at student finance, both in terms of budgeting/ living choices for your daughter and for you and your husband to understand what the government assumes parents will contribute to their offspring's university costs.

    Student money saving board here.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on The Coronavirus Boards as well as the housing, mortgages and student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229 Forumite
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    She's 18. An adult.

    Should be paying rent.
  • Out,_Vile_Jelly
    Comms69 wrote: »
    She's 18. An adult.

    Should be paying rent.

    Normal families don't charge their 18 year old offspring rent while they're in Upper 6th and heading to university. Technically they could, but why get silly about it.

    OP, you're raising your daughter to be sensible, shame she has spoilt bratty mates. I had loads of rubbish jobs as a teenager (cleaning, babysitting [can't stand kids], bar work etc). They taught me a lot more than the classroom ever did in terms of confidence, workmates and dealing with the general public. She'll thank you for it one day.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
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