My 8 year old has become a disruption at school !!! HELP

aj9648

Hi

I feel so powerless and need help - my 8yo son is just causing me distress at the moment.

He used to be this sweet little boy and listened to everyone and did all the polite things and always near the top of his class. he got great KS1 results as well. In the last 6 months he has turned into some monster that I just cannot deal with!!

We got called into school about an incident at the end of the last academic year and we thought we had pushed through it over the summer. But over the last 2 weeks we have been called in 4 times over things - his anger, frustrations just boiling over. He is not hitting anyone or being violent but when he cannot do something or struggles to finish something, he starts scratching himself, rocking on his chair, refuses to listen to the teacher, wont take time out to calm himself and also shouts.

We have been called in by the teachers and head and tried different things but things don't seem to be improving

I just don't know what to do - if I don't do anything he will just get worse, not be able to control his emotions and get 'lost in the system'

Any suggestions?!!

Comms69

What are the causes of this do you think?

annandale

Has he been assessed for ADHD? Have you sought advice from a GP? It sounds like you do need some specialised support on this, because it is impossible to diagnose correctly what it might be, it could be any number of things.

marliepanda

With self harming as a response to stress the teacher should be making a referral to a education psychologist. Unfortunately these are vastly oversubscribed and children can literally wait years to be seen.

Are you able to discuss with him why he hurts himself in response to his work, or does he shut down again in a similar manner to at school.

A slightly more 'casual' approach but are there any sports he is interested, perhaps team based or something where he wont always 'win' or 'be the best' to encourage a healthier attitude towards 'failure/not finishing/struggling' This is what I would suggest if he is simply struggling with 'not being able to do something' however the self harm is a worry.

GreenQueen

All schools have a SENCO (Special Needs Co-ordinator), in Primaries often the Head or a class teacher. Ask for a meeting with the SENCO and his class teacher to discuss the options available - e.g. Educational Psychologist to look at possible ADHD, need for anger management, etc. Try to find out when the incidents happen - is there a specific trigger, does he react badly to another child, is it when he is hungry/tired, is it in a particular subject?

If you initiate the meeting proactively, and ask them for help with possible diagnosis/support, you will feel more in control. If they call you in after an incident, you always feel on the back foot.

My DD was finally diagnosed with ADHD in Y5 after having had various investigations all the way from Y2 - unfortunately as a parent, you have to keep on the case, or (as you say) things do get "lost in the system".

bouicca21

There must be something that has caused the change. Some children react line this after being abused. Some because they have been bullied. Some through bereavement or divorce. Somehow you or a therapist need to get him to open up about what is worrying him.

Does he act out at home too?

Comms69

bouicca21 wrote: »

There must be something that has caused the change. Some children react line this after being abused. Some because they have been bullied. Some through bereavement or divorce. Somehow you or a therapist need to get him to open up about what is worrying him.

Does he act out at home too?

I know that screen addiction causes this kind of behaviour.

aj9648

We really have no idea what is causing the outbursts. My partner and I bicker and sometimes do it in front of the kids and we have said that this is a problem that we should not be doing

He thinks his sister gets more attention, but she is 4 and we give him equal attention, but maybe he just does not see it.

We have not been to a GP, but am now seriously considering some therapy or something for him

He is also active - does football, swimming, we go on the bikes regularly. I just understand what is going on and why its happening

aj9648

Comms69 wrote: »

I know that screen addiction causes this kind of behaviour.

He does play on his PS4 at the weekend - but only 1.5hrs per day max - he has to earn his time on it.

I do wonder if time watching youtube and stuff is having a problem here

Money_maker

Looking at one of your previous threads about being on youtube/ipod at midnight, think he needs more parental guidance.

Money_maker

Swiftly followed by an explanation. I have a friend who has not been able to discipline her son at all since birth. At various stages he was checked for autism, aspergers, selective mutism etc. His food intake is not controlled, his behaviour is not controlled, his bedtimes are not controlled. He just needs him mum to guide him a little, but she wont. Then she wrings her hands and looks for other people to provide the discipline when she is all he needs. He is 9 and still has tantrams because mum wont say no.


Glad I've got that out.