The Disappearance of Negative Kate

in Debt free diaries
22 replies 2.5K views
Sooo 2018 didn't quite go as planned!

First things first, my 13 year successful career has been lost! For good thanks to my ill health. Which at 32 is not what I was expecting at all.

Back in January I just figured everything would get better and if I just gave it time my health problems would disappear. I couldn't have been more wrong! I've struggled so badly since January to stay in my job which I've worked so hard for, aswell as juggling being a single mum of 3 too!

Fast forward and after numerous days off work to go to sometimes twice weekly hospital appointments, after giving it some thought I decided something had to give and that my health and children were more important. I just HAD to get my health back on track somehow. The two health issues I have, I've been told are life long and will never just disappear. This has come as a massive shock and has made me spiral into deep depression too. But I figured if I just cut myself some slack and stopped stressing over materialistic things myself and my children could live a lovely life! Even if I am poorly! I still have my life ahead of me and a fantastically paid job isn't the be all and end all (I say that through gritted teeth I am in so much debt! Its a scary thought). So I (and my GP agreed) that giving up my job would be the best way forward. They have been pretty nice about it although haven't said they will keep my position open for the future for me which was a bit of a kick in the teeth after all I have given over the years. I kind of see that as a blessing though as I don't think I'm destined to go back there. Having trouble with the denial of my health issues and believing that I will at some point be back doing what I have always done is difficult some days. But then I think - Do my children really thank me for not being there after school?! For sometimes working near 60 hours per week thinking that £££ was what they needed? How many years have I wasted only seeing them for 2 hours a day after work :( that makes me so so sad! What was I thinking?!

So heres to Positive Kate.

I need to remember that anything is possible too!

Sure I'm faced with a (hopefully temporary) life on benefits now. A hefty chunk of debt to sort out. The loss of our home (don't ask). The loss of my car. The loss of our once abundant lifestyle which in hindsight I realise meant nothing at all and that me being there for my children was more important than the materialistic cr*p I could give them in place of their mother.

From now on I'm going to looking forward to being able to pick them up from school instead of thinking that the overtime I was doing was giving them a good future :eek: wow how wrong could I have been. All those lost hours behind a computer when I could have been picking them up happily from school, making dinner with them, spending time with them after school instead of it being like a military operation and everything done on schedule to be organised for work and school the next day. I truly have learned a valuable lesson in life now and I am actually so so thankful for it.

Anyway :j

This is the start of me rebuilding our life. But properly this time. Knowing what matters and what doesn't. Spending each day knowing that every minute is valuable.

Picking my way through my debt and addressing important things whilst still staying positive!

I'm actually feeling so much more happier now. I'm not sure why? I see it kind of like the beginning of Erin Brockovich (without the millionaire ending)....or like I'm Jennifer Lopez in Enough when her and her daughter finally start over :D

I vow I will have a more positive mindset. And that no matter what is in a mess at the minute I will fix it! Next on my list is to create a SOA and go through all of my incomings and outgoings once my benefits have been sorted out :( and also figuring out how I can make our new house a home on little income!)

Watch this space :)
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