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Last ooorders!… We’re sorry but for now, due to resources, we need to close the Money Savers Arms including Discussion Time.

It’s not easy to write this. We love the forum, but we also have a job to do to protect it, our users and MoneySavingExpert, and at the moment, with all our resources focused on Coronavirus information, and all the team at home, we don’t feel we have the resources to do a good enough job.

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Unfortunately in, and likely because of, these stressful times, the Forum team have also been receiving an increasing number of complaints about posts made on the Money Savers Arms and Discussion Time. The team have done what they can to try and walk the tightrope of balancing all the various interests, but for now we need to draw a line under this and temporarily close this Board, so we can keep the key, MoneySaving boards – where people are supporting each other through this crisis - running smoothly.

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Thanks
MSE Forum Team

Funny Joke Thread

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Funny Money
6.4K replies 910.5K views
1314315317319320639

Replies

  • piglet29piglet29 Forumite
    6.2K posts
    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
    A freebie a day sends a smile my way!
    Night Owl member No 9 :kisses2:
    I Started out with nothing.....still have most of it left:o
  • Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.


    Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.



    When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'



    Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?' :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • ADULT:
    A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.


    BEAUTY PARLOUR:
    A place where women curl up and dye.


    CANNIBAL:
    Someone who is fed up with people.


    CHICKENS:
    The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.


    COMMITTEE:
    A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.


    DUST:
    Mud with the juice squeezed out.


    EGOTIST:
    Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.


    HANDKERCHIEF:
    Cold Storage.


    INFLATION:
    Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.


    MOSQUITO:
    An insect that makes you like flies better.


    RAISIN:
    Grape with a sunburn.


    SECRET:
    Something you tell to one person at a time.


    SKELETON:
    A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.


    TOOTHACHE:
    The pain that drives you to extraction.


    TOMORROW:
    One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.


    YAWN:
    An honest opinion openly expressed.


    and MY Personal Favourite!!


    WRINKLES:
    Something other people have,
    similar to my character lines.
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean , two prawns were
    swimming around in the sea, one called Justin and the other called
    Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

    Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn;I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

    A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted." Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

    Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark
    boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he
    thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

    With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail . Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

    "Where's Christian?" he asked.

    "He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the
    enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, He
    set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

    Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the
    enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

    Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed........."

    "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • wurzelsarwurzelsar Forumite
    15.3K posts
    Cod almighty Mazz! :D

    Glad to see you back in this plaice!:p :D :rotfl: :rotfl:
    I wish you......
    A sunbeam to warm you,
    A moonbeam to charm you,
    A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.
  • sheldon08sheldon08 Forumite
    29.6K posts
    "I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."

    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
    :dance:Mash p'tater, mash p'tater:dance:

  • wurzelsar wrote: »
    Cod almighty Mazz! :D

    Glad to see you back in this plaice!:p :D :rotfl: :rotfl:

    So you noticed I had scamp(I)ed off then :rolleyes:
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • wurzelsarwurzelsar Forumite
    15.3K posts
    Nytehawk wrote: »
    So you noticed I had scamp(I)ed off then :rolleyes:

    Yes, we'll all FLOUNDER without your humour on here.;) :D

    So get your SKATES on and dig those jokes out.;) :T
    I wish you......
    A sunbeam to warm you,
    A moonbeam to charm you,
    A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.
  • they are all abit fishy though......14bmc1x.jpg:D:D:D
    You have the right to remain silent.Anything you do say will be misquoted and then used against you ;)

    Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.

    Bruce Lee
  • wurzelsar wrote: »
    Yes, we'll all FLOUNDER without your humour on here.;) :D

    So get your SKATES on and dig those jokes out.;) :T

    OkeyDokey............ I will fish a few of the oldies out but will have to charge a few Squid for them Heeee!!!!!!
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
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