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Last ooorders!… We’re sorry but for now, due to resources, we need to close the Money Savers Arms including Discussion Time.

It’s not easy to write this. We love the forum, but we also have a job to do to protect it, our users and MoneySavingExpert, and at the moment, with all our resources focused on Coronavirus information, and all the team at home, we don’t feel we have the resources to do a good enough job.

For four months, we’ve been struggling to cope with the huge volumes of messages we’ve been getting from Forumites – many of whom are in desperate and dire straits with their finances. The team have been working all hours to try and keep on top of it. At first we thought it’d be a short sharp spike, but it isn’t, it’s continuing, so we have had some difficult choices to make about prioritisation.

Unfortunately in, and likely because of, these stressful times, the Forum team have also been receiving an increasing number of complaints about posts made on the Money Savers Arms and Discussion Time. The team have done what they can to try and walk the tightrope of balancing all the various interests, but for now we need to draw a line under this and temporarily close this Board, so we can keep the key, MoneySaving boards – where people are supporting each other through this crisis - running smoothly.

We know this board is important to you, but as the MSE stance has been forbearance throughout this crisis, now we ask that of you. We’re sorry. Of course you can post on other boards, but we’d ask you to stick to the subjects of those boards, and not use them as a surrogate Money Savers Arms or Discussion Time. And as always please be kind and friendly to each other, especially any newbies.

Thanks
MSE Forum Team

Funny Joke Thread

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Funny Money
6.4K replies 910.5K views
robowenrobowen Forumite
3K posts
Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
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edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Funny Money
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward ! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously.
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"He's decomposing!"


rob :doh:
If only everything in life was as reliable...AS ME !!
robowen 5/6/2005©

''Never take an idiot anywhere with you. You'll always find one when you get there.''
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Replies

  • bethombethom Forumite
    16.6K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
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    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

    Thanks for that, made my morning a little brighter. :rotfl:
    I live in my own little world, but it's ok as everyone knows me here :)
  • nadsnads Forumite
    2.4K posts
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
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    no, that was bad! That was awful rob!
  • GladGlad Forumite, Board Guide
    18.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I've closed the original Funny Joke Thread HERE
    as it had got very long :)

    please post your jokes in this one :)

    and keep em clean ;)
    STAY HOME - PROTECT THE NHS - SAVE LIVES
    I'm a Board Guide on the Money Savers Arms, Discussion Time, Wales, Competitions, Marriage Relationships & Families, Health and Pet Care boards. However, please do remember, board guides don't read every post. if you spot an inappropriate or illegal post then please report it to [email protected] (it's not part of my role to deal with reportable posts). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com
    Compers please read the Comping Guide
  • alanobrienalanobrien Forumite
    3.3K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    ✭✭✭✭
    An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."

    The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price."

    "But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all."

    :o
  • A Scottish man walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a
    pool with his hand.
    The Scottish man shouts
    " Awa ye feel hoor thats full O coos Sharn "(Translated:Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s**t.)

    The man shouts back
    "I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you".
    The Scottish man shouts back
    "Use both hands, you'll get more in."
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • Here´s some insurance quotes that always make me laugh a lot, no matter how many times I read them:

    "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

    "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

    "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

    "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

    "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

    "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

    "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

    "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

    "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

    "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

    "I saw the man crossing the road and had to swerve several times before I hit him"
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • Paddy and Murphy stagger out of a nightclub at 3 in the morning. There isn't a taxi in sight. Paddy says to Murphy, 'let's break into the bus depot, and steal a bus'. 'Great idea' says Murphy. You go in and get one, and i'll keep watch'.

    Half an hour later, and there's no sign of Paddy and the bus, so Murphy decides to go and look for him. He finds him wandering around inside.

    'What's taking ya so long Paddy' says Murphy. Paddy says 'I'm looking for the No7 bus'.

    Murphy says 'Don't be so stupid Paddy, there's a No9 bus there, let's take that.......... we can walk from the roundabout!!!!'biggrin.gif
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

    "I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
    "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

    "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

    The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

    "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

    "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

    "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

    The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

    "I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

    "I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

    "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"













    You're gonna LOVE me for this!




    The third piggy says:



    "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
    "Did you hear about the frog that broke down on the motorway???? They toad him away!"
  • 1 Pass My Shotgun
    2 Psychotic Mood Shift
    3 Perpetual Munching Spree
    4 Puffy Mid Section
    5 People Make me Sick
    6 Provide Me with Sweets
    7 Pardon My Sobbing
    8 Pimples May Surface
    9 Pass My Sweat pants
    10 !!!!y Mood Syndrome
    11 Plainly; Men Suck
    12 Pack My Stuff
    13 Potential Murder Suspect
  • Bruja_2Bruja_2 Forumite
    147 posts
    Victoria Beckham was being driven around the countryside in her limo.
    Suddenly a cow walked into the road and unable to stop in time, the limo hit the cow.

    Slightly shaken up, the driver went to see if the cow was alright.

    'Is it alright?' asked Victoria .

    The driver prodded the cow with his foot and shook his head. 'No ma'am, it's dead.'

    'Well you were driving, so you can go tell the farmer what happened!'

    So the driver went off to the nearby farm. A couple of hours later he
    came back holding a bottle of wine, his clothes scruffy and messed up.

    'Oh my god, what happened to you?' Victoria exclaimed.

    'Well ma'am,' explained the driver, 'the farmer gave me this bottle of
    wine, the farmer's wife gave a kiss and their daughter made love to me.'

    'Just what the hell did you say to them?'

    'I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I've just killed the cow.'
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