Are London women confused when it comes to relationship and dating?

Hermia

indiepanda wrote: »

I think this is overstating something that has a kernel of truth in it. People do tend to settle down a bit later in big cities, but I don't think it's because they are busy keeping up appearances or expect 100% perfection.

I think it is true to say more choice = less pressure to settle for anyone half decent that shows an interest. Fair to say there are more distractions in London - there's plenty to do and a lot of people have pretty demanding careers. I had a pretty quiet life before I moved to London and now I am busy enough I would have to work to make space in my diary if I met Mr Right. I would be willing to do it, but I have to admit I am quite tired of giving up my interests to fit in with a man's and now I'd be more inclined to try to meet someone who shares them so neither of us need to compromise so much (so far I always seem to do the compromising!)

I think one issue is a higher percentage of female graduates choose not to have children than non-graduates, and there are more graduates in the cities. So there isn't the same drive to settle down before it's too late to have children. I've seen friends who wanted children put up with things from their partner there is no way I would have tolerated - but I didn't need to as I didn't want to have children.

I think you are right that there is an element of class/education in this. You do tend to get more wealthy career-orientated people in cities because that is where those sort of careers are. Those people are going to be very picky about relationships because they have a lot to lose. A lot of my girlfriends in London are picky about men because they have attracted gold-diggers in the past or men who expect them to sacrifice their careers or still expect the woman to do all the housework. In a big city it is also so much harder to find out about potential dates. I moved to a small town after living in London and did find people were generally more open. The thing is most people were fairly low-earners (the talented people all left the area to go to uni or get better jobs) so they had less to lose. It was also easy for locals to find out about potential dates because they probably knew someone who knew that person. I also found the women were often more likely to accept a guy who didn't pull his weight so were less picky (I never worked out why they were like this).

I still think it is ultimately about where you hang out though. I spent 30 years living in London and would mostly hang out at places related to my interests/hobbies. I met some absolutely lovely normal people. The National Film Theatre was great for meeting interesting men! Whenever I meet people who say London is just full of status-obsessed snobs I generally find they would go to trendy clubs/bars in expensive areas.

indiepanda

Hermia wrote: »

I think you are right that there is an element of class/education in this. You do tend to get more wealthy career-orientated people in cities because that is where those sort of careers are. Those people are going to be very picky about relationships because they have a lot to lose. A lot of my girlfriends in London are picky about men because they have attracted gold-diggers in the past or men who expect them to sacrifice their careers or still expect the woman to do all the housework. In a big city it is also so much harder to find out about potential dates. I moved to a small town after living in London and did find people were generally more open. The thing is most people were fairly low-earners (the talented people all left the area to go to uni or get better jobs) so they had less to lose. It was also easy for locals to find out about potential dates because they probably knew someone who knew that person. I also found the women were often more likely to accept a guy who didn't pull his weight so were less picky (I never worked out why they were like this).

I still think it is ultimately about where you hang out though. I spent 30 years living in London and would mostly hang out at places related to my interests/hobbies. I met some absolutely lovely normal people. The National Film Theatre was great for meeting interesting men! Whenever I meet people who say London is just full of status-obsessed snobs I generally find they would go to trendy clubs/bars in expensive areas.

Yes, I think you are right about having more to lose if you have a decent job. Also less need to have someone to live with - I can afford a house (albeit small) on my own earnings. Plus some men just can't handle a woman who outearns them. I don't think I've ever dated a guy who earned more than me and though some were fine with it, the most recent ex really didn't like it at all, would say things like "I will never be your equal" - which said way more about him than it did about me. (he had a lot of issues... was quite a short lived thing as a result and enough to make me give dating a rest for a while)

I spend very little time in trendy clubs and bars in expensive areas, vast majority of my socializing is done in local pubs with friends who live within a couple of miles of me (some much closer) and I live in zone 2 but not far off zone 3. I go into central London for things like the theatre, galleries and museums or to meet friends who live in different parts of town (oh and work). Having a decent job doesn't mean you have to be a status obsessed snob - I certainly wouldn't call myself that and I don't hang out with people who are.

Dird

It's the technology, not the location.
Guy A has X
Guy B has Y
Guy C has Z

makes people too picky expecting X, Y & Z to be in a Guy D. 25 guys later she's rocking a bucket & herpes, hoping that Guy Z will be the one while being well past her prime anyway

annandale

But are they all stunning looking women with average looking men?

You don't half talk some cobblers

prosaver

:beer:I like to live in coronation street ..
everyone cops off there,
easy street:beer:
and get jobs .
have breakfast in a cafe every day ..go to the pub at lunch time

eeeh the good life:)

AshleyBurf

There is a lot of choice in London and therefore it's easy to move on quick!

cashewnut

What's the "minor resolvable issue" OP? It sounds like you can't accept some women don't think you're right for them.