Should I tell my fiance? (Self-employed and added £13k to CC debt this year )

smithster26

First time here on the forums, although I've read them many times. This is hard for me to share.

I am self-employed and have been for 3.5 years. Up until August I was having a good year, increasing my income and opportunities showing up.

At the end of July I invested £13k in business coaching and training to help me grow my business. At the time I thought I'd manage the monthly payments but since then I've struggled and it's had the opposite effect. I've found myself spiralling into shame, depression and fear around money, my business and income and I am now in £20k of CC debt and will be in £26k by the end of the year when my payments for this investment stop. My low mood is impacting my productivity and my income has decreased.

I am seeking help - getting CBT help online through NHS and all my CC are on 0% for now. I've reduced my outgoings, created a budget and stopped unnecessary spending. And I am managing to pay the minimum on my CC but I have little work booked in from December and am worrying about not making enough money. I have my tax bill to pay in Jan and I'm short.

My fiance has no idea about the investment I made this year, nor the level of my CC debt. He knows I'm not myself, and am low, but thinks it's just the natural ebb and flow of self-employment.

Should I tell him?

I'm so scared he won't be able to forgive me and will cancel the wedding. I feel so guilty that I've done this and its not worked out. But part of me feels like this was my decision and he shouldn't have a say in what I do in my business.

He works so hard for his salary and is frustrated by lack of income and I know he'll be angry that I've just added that much debt on something he won't be able to comprehend spending that much on.

But not telling him is eating me up inside too. I feel like I have this big horrible secret from him and he deserves to know. Everytime he mentions money I freak out in my head.

I am trying to get more work in and not panic, and there's things I can do to bring my income back up and get my tax bill covered. My plan is to then bring in more to help pay off the debt faster. I'm doing what I can to help improve my mental health.

I feel so alone and guilty and stupid for making such a massive financial mistake. I just don't know if telling him will make it better or worse.

Any support or advice welcome.

Mr.Generous

You need to tell him and work on paying it off together. Sounds like a very poor investment btw, how many staff do you employ?

[Deleted User]

If you don't tell him, what is your future life based on? He'll likely find out anyway, so best be open and honest.

smithster26

It's just me in my business with the occasional sub contractor. I realise now it wasn't a wise investment but I have accepted that what's done is done and am now looking at how to get out of this situation.

smithster26

I appreciate what you're saying, I just don't know how to broach it with him.

Upsidedown_Bear

smithster26 wrote: »

I appreciate what you're saying, I just don't know how to broach it with him.

Could you write him a letter to explain everything?
Then give it to him to read - either when you are there or not depending on what you think is best.

Good luck

Mr.Generous

sit down with a drink, tell him you love him but you have done something stupid. I think it will be a relief to him its only money.

tallyhoh

Tell him ASAP, my partner frequently gets into debt but the fact that he hides it is much worse than the debt itself

dirtycredit

sit down with a drink, tell him you love him but you have done something stupid. I think it will be a relief to him its only money.

Managing expectations!! I like your style.:rotfl:

Save

bugslet

smithster26 wrote: »

I appreciate what you're saying, I just don't know how to broach it with him.

Sometimes it's easier to do it in the car, something about not being able to face each other.

Personally I think you are just going to have to woman up and just say it straight. You'll feel a lot better once it's out in the open.

You could put a plan together for how you are going to get out of this mess over the next year or so and show your fiance, if you think that would help.

Going forward, and I'm not being critical, we all do daft things, but anyone that supplies consultancy or management, I tend to steer clear of them unless there's a legal requirement. I have a H&S Consultant for example. Most times people aren't telling you anything you can't learn for free.

Good luck.

National_Debtline

Hi

For advice on your business and dealing with debt as a self-employed person I think you should contact Business Debtline. If you speak to them first it might help when discussing the situation with your fiance as you’ll have a clearer idea of your realistic options and have a plan.

www.businessdebtline.org

James
@natdebtline