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Two years on, no further forward :(

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
14 replies 1.9K views
MsKexMsKex Forumite
19 Posts
Eighth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Debt-Free Wannabe
Hello,
I last logged on in 2013. Just seen my signature and feel highly depressed. My credit card is now £11,800, my loan is £7,900 - so my debts are practically the same. I don't know how to get out of debt. It's making me so miserable. Every time I plan to get it down something crops up. Now my ex is wanting to have his name off the mortgage, and when I've asked the mortgage company to get his name off (he signed a document he doesn't have any equity but i do), the mortgage company won't give me the mortgage on my own even though I pay it myself and have done for past 4 years. It's because I'm in so much debt, I'm single mum and feeling really low right now.
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  • sourcratessourcrates Forumite, Board Guide
    23.4K Posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
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    MsKex wrote: »
    Hello,
    I last logged on in 2013. Just seen my signature and feel highly depressed. My credit card is now £11,800, my loan is £7,900 - so my debts are practically the same. I don't know how to get out of debt. It's making me so miserable. Every time I plan to get it down something crops up. Now my ex is wanting to have his name off the mortgage, and when I've asked the mortgage company to get his name off (he signed a document he doesn't have any equity but i do), the mortgage company won't give me the mortgage on my own even though I pay it myself and have done for past 4 years. It's because I'm in so much debt, I'm single mum and feeling really low right now.



    Hi,
    Give National Debt line a call, maybe you should try some kind of debt management plan ?
    There website is really informative, so well worth a look, there's lots of good advice, and you can then way up your options :


    https://www.nationaldebtline.org/
    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Credit File and Ratings, Bankruptcy And Living With It, boards. "I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly".
    Board guides are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an abusive or illegal post then please report it to:
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    Any views expressed are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
    "I don`t trust Bankers, I don`t trust Banks, and I don`t trust you.........Private Frazer".
    For free debt advice, contact either : Stepchange, National Debtline, CitizensAdviceBureaux.
  • WindofchangeWindofchange Forumite
    990 Posts
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Posts Name Dropper
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    So, you have to draw a line and start to sort it out. You've reached the point where you realise something has to change, so now it is down to you to change it. I have been working 4 jobs (1 main, three supplementary) to tackle my problems, and as per my signature, I am finally nearly there. If you think of it as 18 grand or whatever it is then it will never get sorted. You need to break it down with targets. If there is a card with 2 grand on it for instance, then your goal is to get that sorted by xmas etc etc. It'll take time, and this doesn't help with your mortgage predicament, but it's where you're at currently.

    You can get out of this, you just have to 100% commit to doing it. Get on over to the debt free by xmas 2015 thread!
  • MsKexMsKex Forumite
    19 Posts
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Thank you for responding. Just feel so alone. Can't tell anyone because I'm so ashamed. Just scanning through the website now.
  • Hi MsKex,

    I feel for your situation, I too have hidden my debt issue from friends and family and feel completely stupid about it as per my thread because in comparison I don't have any dependants and have a good job yet still in a rubbish situation. You'll get some great advice here as I'm sure you know but to climb out of the mess you are going to have to be very focussed, break things down as already has beens said into achievable goals that will help motivate you into achieving long term success.

    Your a mum so I know you've got skills and determination more than I because you manage to look after someone who is dependent on you which means you can, in time, sort the finances out.

    I'm not a great one to talk currently, having only just signed up myself and having more than double your debit to my name, but, for me, I'd tackle your credit card first and see if Dad can wait for his repayments.

    Best of luck and keep posting here, if you can stick to keeping us updated it will help you sticking on track with managing your bills.
    DFW Start Date: 1/7/2015 DFW Predicted End Date: 1/4/2019
    Overdrafts: £4500
    Loans: £3350
    Credit Cards: £28,569

    Savings: £0
  • BobarellaBobarella Forumite
    10.8K Posts
    Savvy Shopper! I've been Money Tipped!
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    MsKex wrote: »
    Thank you for responding. Just feel so alone. Can't tell anyone because I'm so ashamed. Just scanning through the website now.

    You are not alone here that's for sure. I am really sorry that the mortgage company won't play ball and that you are coping with a lot on your own.
    What do you think is the main stumbling block to paying anything down? Would you be prepared to post an SOA to see if anyone can help you reduce your outgoings?

    Stay with it here there are so many good inspirational people here.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe":D

    Debt neutral :) 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
  • MsKexMsKex Forumite
    19 Posts
    Eighth Anniversary 10 Posts Combo Breaker
    Wow thanks for your kind messages, it feels good to be able to "talk" to someone. It's 2am and I can't sleep as i am anxious. I've been reading the roll of honour thread and it's inspiring to see people clearing £42k in a few years.
    Thanks developerdave, it is hard with a dependent. Especially when you want to give them the best, swimming lessons, clothes, hair cuts, school meals, uniform, a happy childhood....good luck to you in your journey.
    So as I've been lay here awake stewing I've been thinking how to get my debts down to the 18k mark for next month. I've got DVDs I can take to one of those exchange places. I've got kids clothes to put on eBay.
    I really don't want to go work tomorrow. I've just come out of a long term on-off relationship so that's contributing to my feeling of sad and aloneness too. My friends have been wonderful in that regard, but have been mithering for me to get out more to meet someone new. Surely you need money for that though! - I can't wait to start feeling better. Hopefully I can post an soa today for you to go through.
    Thanks again guys.
  • That's a great start MsKex. Sell off as much as you can. We don't need as much stuff as we think we do.

    I know the feeling of wanting to give your kids the best. Sometimes though, sacrifices have to be made in order to move the family into financial security. Swimming lessons and haircuts are a luxury, at least at this point in time. You can add them back once you're debt free.
    Learn how to do the haircuts yourself - there are plenty of excellent videos on YouTube.
    Clothes - look at second hand 'op shops' or buy less clothes - if your child has a school uniform they only need two pairs pants/shorts and two short sleeve/long sleeve shirts plus a jumper, depending on the season.

    I can't help you with the mortgage thing - hopefully a debt charity will have some advice in that regard. Perhaps negotiating to pay interest only for a time while you pay off your debt. Is the house bigger than you need? Consider downsizing or taking in a housemate?

    It sure is tough to carry on with life and work when you're still mending after a break up. We are here to support you, and keep talking to your friends too. Find ways to stay occupied and get motivated to kick the debt in the butt. Going to work is the main way you dig yourself out and get back on top, financially.
    And whether you tackle the highest interest rate first, or the smallest debt, just get started - it will give you that boost that you need. You CAN do it!
    Looking forward to being Debt Free!
    11/01/2020
    Car Loan $9,250
  • submarine76submarine76 Forumite
    142 Posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Your not alone in this position MsKex, none of my friends or family realise the mess I got myself in to, but I'm going to sort it one step at a time. You will feel so much better once you realise that you are in control of this now, I still have bad days when I feel bogged down by it all, but the only way out of the mess I'm in is to tackle it head on :O).
    LBM 11 Nov 14 Total Debt £25,013.98 DFD 5 Sep 17 Total Debt £0

    Emergency Fund £800.00
    Mortgage £73,000
    BTL Mortgage £38,000
  • amorgeamorge Forumite
    386 Posts
    Just wanted to say hello, my debt is just under £20k too and I'm on my own - it's bloody tough - you will be Ok though, people on here are so supportive

    Re books & DVD selling, we sold a load through music magpie and they paid out pretty quickly.

    Good luck
    x
    LBM 18/06/15 - [STRIKE]£20,276.64[/STRIKE] :eek:
    01/07/15 - £19,897.02
  • BobarellaBobarella Forumite
    10.8K Posts
    Savvy Shopper! I've been Money Tipped!
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    Morning MsKex

    Hope you aren't feeling too tired today after the late night? If it's any comfort I'm guessing you won't have been the only one up late fretting last night, not with this heat.

    It must be very weird for you coming to terms with the end of a relationship and the financial issues. But you are not alone. We are all battling it here to some extent. As you rightly say a lot of the people on the debt free roll have beaten down huge amounts of money. If they can do it so can we!

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe":D

    Debt neutral :) 27/03/17 from £40k:eek: in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
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