My friend is a hoarder

SavingPennies_2

DUTR wrote: »

Mosjila mentioned about a friend who's late father had 8 sheds , my neighbour has a 20ft wide garage and is unable to park his car in there , this is due to car booting, thankfully his house is not cluttered.

BTW I'm not defending clutter/hoarding/collecting they can all be done in a safe way, being ultra tidy can also be seen as obsessional.
So yes there can be two camps.

As an aside, my car is always spick n span, where as some with a tidy house may have a vehicle 'like a tip' IMO with loose items that can become very dangerous if the vehicle suddenly came to a stop.

It will be interesting to hear how the conversation with her friend concludes.

I meant it as a way to get rid of stuff not buy more stuff - ideally they would chuck out a bit of stuff too! You sound like you are a tidy and organised though, whereas I'm imagining the OP is describing a house like those you see on TV which I do think represent an underlying problem and health hazard. I also agree being the other way can be an obsession too, and after reading this I'm itching to do some cleaning!!

SavingPennies_2

Pollycat - I think it's just different perspectives, to me all "stuff" is "clutter" no matter what it is. I think some people feel relaxed around their stuff whereas other's feel more relaxed in uncluttered spaces.


I like the quote:
Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful

Pollycat

SavingPennies wrote: »

Pollycat - I think it's just different perspectives, to me all "stuff" is "clutter" no matter what it is. I think some people feel relaxed around their stuff whereas other's feel more relaxed in uncluttered spaces.


I like the quote:
Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful

Then everything in my house belongs there by satisfying one or both criteria.

Mojisola

SavingPennies wrote: »

I like the quote:
Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful

I have some things because of related memories and/or their sentimental value which wouldn't fit in either category but I'm not chucking those out.

DUTR

SavingPennies wrote: »

I meant it as a way to get rid of stuff not buy more stuff - ideally they would chuck out a bit of stuff too! You sound like you are a tidy and organised though, whereas I'm imagining the OP is describing a house like those you see on TV which I do think represent an underlying problem and health hazard. I also agree being the other way can be an obsession too, and after reading this I'm itching to do some cleaning!!

Earlier I was going to post a pic , but then refrained, I can imagine the Op's friend's house is similar with clutter but a different kind of clutter.
Ideally for me , I would need to take everything out of the house and put into storage as if I were moving house, then just put back the things I actually use and have the house minimalistic.
The plans always sound easy on paper, but executing them is another matter

theoretica

To me, the priority would probably be the electrics. Mentioning your concern about this is more factual and could be seen as less lifestyle choice than clutter, though it could still be a problem if she can't afford the work needed. Maybe some tidying would be needed to let an electrician work!

lincroft1710

Delree wrote: »

piles of magazines dating back to 2007

Don't come to my house!!

I have magazines which are 60 years old!

Ames

I'm a hoarder. Six months ago my flat was as bad as the ones you see on the TV. It's a lot better now - only about a quarter of the bed is covered in 'stuff', and there are whole patches of carpet visible in some rooms.

I haven't let anyone in my flat for about five years, other than professionals who have had to come in.

OP, this is going to sound harsh, but if you spoke to me in the smug and condescending way you have on this thread, it could well kickstart another hoarding crisis. I'm not saying you're deliberately coming across like that, but you are.

If someone asked me 'jokingly' if I'd done any tidying up lately, it would send me into a downward spiral. Hoarding isn't about being tidy or messy, it's far more complicated than that. Not to mention that 'tidying' doesn't even come close to what the job actually entails.

Also, dealing with the stuff wont actually help. Two years ago I paid £250 to a cleaning firm who came in for two solid days and chucked loads of rubbish out. I'm talking filling my yard to a height of about five feet with it.

Within months it was back to how it was before, albeit a bit more hygienic (there's no longer bags of rotting food laying around most of the time).

I couldn't start making inroads until I figured out why I hoarded, why I had so much of various things (for instance, I had dozens of bags of clothes, most of which I hadn't worn more than once. The reason for it was I was constantly trying to 'reinvent' myself into someone people would like. Until I realised that, and worked out what clothes I actually like and suit me, there was no point getting rid because the cycle would just continue).

For me, the actual stuff was largely irrelevent, it was about creating a physical barrier to keep me safe from anyone who might want to come in the flat.

So, dealing with the stuff comes last. It's figuring out the psychological issues that comes first.

There's a few really long threads on the Old Style board which support hoarders, you might want to have a read of them.

Your self harm analogy was interesting. I also self harm, and to be honest the best thing a 'friend' could do about it is nothing. 'Support' to stop isn't just saying 'stop self harming', and even a professional could do a lot of harm if they blundered in, never mind a friend (however well meaning).

Pollycat

Oh Ames, that's really laying yourself bare. Here's a hug. :grouphug:

I hope you've reached that point where you understand your hoarding and are dealing with the 'stuff'.

You have a perfect opportunity for a new start when you move into your new place.

Ames

Thanks, I can talk about it now because I have dealt with the issues. I know now that I do x,y,z, and why, so I can avoid it.

It's helped that a lot of my issues are around family, so now they're out of my life I can step back and be more analytical about it all.

I took photos at the beginning and looked at them last week, it's great to see how far I've come.

I am seeing the house move as a new start. I'm going to get a cleaner, and from the start I'm going to invite people round for a cuppa. I'm determined it's going to be different.

Although how I get from here to physically being able to move is a bit hard to see. I need to just break it down into small bites of the elephant.