My friend is a hoarder

Mojisola

DUTR wrote: »

I have older magazines than that :eek: , but for me they are hobby magazines from before I had internet, in fact some are from the mid 90s (nicely stored mind you) .

Some solutions are simple enough, 'have a home for the items' for years my bedrooms were very cluttered, clothes on the bed floor etc, although I had wardrobes and bedside cabinets, it was only one day I realised I didn't have a tallboy chest of drawers in there, a trip to ikea and £70 down, that cured the bedroom storage :cool:

A family friend needed help when her father died because he "saved" things. He had every newspaper and magazine he'd bought going back years, a huge collection of elderly and/or broken appliances, and so on. Everything was clean and stored in an orderly way in his shed. When the shed filled up, he bought another one.

By the time he died, he had eight sheds, all filled with his stuff but his house was clean, tidy and uncluttered. That was a very situation to someone whose home is being overwhelmed by stuff and unhygienic conditions.

Some people's houses are spartan; others have to move things before they can sit down. There's a wide range of 'normal' and other people's 'normal' isn't wrong because it doesn't match with ours.

Situations as Delree described have gone beyond a tidiness/clutter matter and are a symptom of a bigger problem.

Lily-Rose_3

Delree, does your friend rent the house she lives in? Or is it bought/on mortgage?

swingaloo

Delree wrote: »

The dangerous electrics are not seperate from the hoarding. It's all symptomatic of the neglect of the house she is giving. There are blown light bulbs that have not been replaced (a torch is used in the kitchen after dark). The banister on the stairs has come loose and no longer usable.

If I may say, it sounds like you're in a little bit of denial and making excuses for my friend to cover up your own problem.

Well until I read this last post from the OP I was firmly on her side and thinking she was trying to be a good friend and getting unfair criticism.

However after that response Im not convinced shes the right person to 'help' anybody.

You come across as very domineering and expect others to live to your standards. The previous poster was correct about the electrics, they are a seperate issue. not everyone who hoards has unsafe electrics.
Reading the opost it looks as if you had a snoop everywhere. I have a blown lightbulb in my back bedroom and have had for about 3 months but I dont expect my friends to criticise me for it.

If your friend genuinlly needs help then I hope she gets it but I fear the end of your friendship if you talk down to her as you have to others on here.

DUTR

Delree wrote: »

The dangerous electrics are not seperate from the hoarding. It's all symptomatic of the neglect of the house she is giving. There are blown light bulbs that have not been replaced (a torch is used in the kitchen after dark). The banister on the stairs has come loose and no longer usable.

If I may say, it sounds like you're in a little bit of denial and making excuses for my friend to cover up your own problem.

I am well versed in electrics and electronics, they from what you describe do pose a health hazard as does the banister, whether there was clutter in the house or not, only after you raise the topic with your friend can you then choose which plan of action to take.

swingaloo

Delree wrote: »

I think that's the way to go, be jovial about it and go round the houses a little bit.

It's not healthy to have that much junk, and despite what another poster has said, keeping 7 year old magazines is not right. They have no use and never get looked at. All they are, are kindling for when one her plug sockets starts sparking one night.

If you came here and told my son that his collection of comics (which he hardly ever loks at) are just kindling you would get a right mouthful:rotfl:

Mojisola

flossy_splodge wrote: »

But whatever you do, DON'T try to force a 'tidy up'.

I had to go into hospital a couple of years back and a family member and her very bossy husband took it upon themselves to 'tidy' my house and throw out 'rubbish'.

This is so disrespectful! It's awful thing to do.:(

Pollycat

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Exactly! And I can't believe you're getting scolded to such an extent for wanting to help your friend. I agree, to just say 'mind yer own it's nothing to do with you' is poor advice.' What kind of friend just leaves a friend who clearly needs help? I think too many people are accused of being busybodies, and that is why people fall down in life, because not enough people seem to care.

Hang on.
The post I referred to wasn't advocating the OP 'mind her own business'.
Not did it suggest she left her friend with this clutter.

I would hope the OP could bring the subject up in a constructive way and that it would be received in the same way.
But what one person sees as clutter, another may see as having things that are important around them.

Delree wrote: »

But it's when that becomes a problem, rooms are no longer usable, not being able to sleep on beds, piles of magazines dating back to 2007 and not being to shut doors.

Is this a description of your friend's house or a generic description of a typical hoarder?
If it is your friend's house and you've seen that much on your first ever visit to her house, it may well be a call for help from her to you.

Delree wrote: »

This is a terraced house and it is a major fire risk as the electrics are overloaded, four ways everywhere and plug sockets loose from their fittings.

I would be far more concerned about this than the hoarding.

Lily-Rose_3

I had to go into hospital a couple of years back and a family member and her very bossy husband took it upon themselves to 'tidy' my house and throw out 'rubbish'.

Mojisola wrote: »

This is so disrespectful! It's awful thing to do.:(

I would have gone ape-sh** if someone did that to me; I don't even like my husband moving my stuff!!! Offering to help is one thing, but taking over and doing it without asking is something else!!!

All you can do (as I said) is offer to help her if the OP is worried and concerned, and just say she thinks the cats may have pooped or something. You can't take over peoples lives, but there is no harm in being concerned.

Lily-Rose_3

Pollycat wrote: »

Hang on.
The post I referred to wasn't advocating the OP 'mind her own business'.
Not did it suggest she left her friend with this clutter.

I would hope the OP could bring the subject up in a constructive way and that it would be received in the same way.
But what one person sees as clutter, another may see as having things that are important around them.

Funny how you assume the post is aimed at you though.

SailorSam

It isn't clutter in my house 'cos it'll come in useful one day.