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Pulling my hair out

millionaire_dreamer
Posts: 2 Newbie
I am completely freaking out!!!
I have managed to get in over my head financially... I have been stupidly hiding it from my husband who has carried on buying things like I can afford it, causing my debt to get worse.
Please understand the reason why I have done this, my debt started at the time of having a child, and my husband really struggled with him arriving, wanted to put him up for adoption, I had to try and make life as normal to him as possible so as my pay disappeared due to maternity leave we kept spending as if my pay was there.
For the last 3 years it has crept up from nothing to nearly £13,000!!! I am managing to pay off 2 lots of credit cards totally around £7,000... these accounts are completely hidden from my husband, but we have a joint credit card with an outstanding amount of around £6,000... I spend every waking minute which involves a lot of sleepness nights freaking out that he is going to find out about our joint card, he has always left it to me to deal with, but today I saw him walking out with a bank letter, and I have been freaking out since he left!!!!
If he finds out about the outstanding debt I know it will crush him and he is never going to forgive me, in hindsight I should've kept him in the loop when it started going up... but I was so worried he was going to do something with our son that I didn't feel like I had any options!!!
WHAT DO I DO!!!!
My credit score is above average, I checked this morning, but I need to clear this credit card, I can't get and don't want to get anymore cards...
Sorry for the long post and well done is you have read this far, but what can I do seriously???
I have managed to get in over my head financially... I have been stupidly hiding it from my husband who has carried on buying things like I can afford it, causing my debt to get worse.
Please understand the reason why I have done this, my debt started at the time of having a child, and my husband really struggled with him arriving, wanted to put him up for adoption, I had to try and make life as normal to him as possible so as my pay disappeared due to maternity leave we kept spending as if my pay was there.
For the last 3 years it has crept up from nothing to nearly £13,000!!! I am managing to pay off 2 lots of credit cards totally around £7,000... these accounts are completely hidden from my husband, but we have a joint credit card with an outstanding amount of around £6,000... I spend every waking minute which involves a lot of sleepness nights freaking out that he is going to find out about our joint card, he has always left it to me to deal with, but today I saw him walking out with a bank letter, and I have been freaking out since he left!!!!
If he finds out about the outstanding debt I know it will crush him and he is never going to forgive me, in hindsight I should've kept him in the loop when it started going up... but I was so worried he was going to do something with our son that I didn't feel like I had any options!!!
WHAT DO I DO!!!!
My credit score is above average, I checked this morning, but I need to clear this credit card, I can't get and don't want to get anymore cards...
Sorry for the long post and well done is you have read this far, but what can I do seriously???
0
Comments
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I'm sure if you put up an SOA people will be able to give you some good practical advice (link here- http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php).
Even if you really don't feel you can share the extent of the debt issues with your husband, I seriously think you need to somehow get him on board with the careful spending you are going to need to do to get your debt back under control. I know I would be p*ssing into the wind if my husband wasn't on the same page as me re our finances.
Would the consequences of confessing completely and being able to move forward be worse than living stressed and miserable as you are now? Only you can answer that.Total Starting Debt August 2014- £38,061
Current Debt- £3600
Mortgage Offset Savings- £600
90.5% paid off so far...0 -
Hi. Two things jumped out at me when I read your opening post.
"and my husband really struggled with him arriving, wanted to put him up for adoption",
"I was so worried he was going to do something with our son that I didn't feel like I had any options!!!"
That doesn't sound like a rational person to me. What does, 'do something with our son', mean?
You shouldn't feel under threat in your own home. You made some mistakes and you acknowledge that.
You ask what you can do. We can't answer that because we don't know your husband, but what I would say is put yourself and your child first. Your debts are not going to go away, but there is help out there. I suggest contacting Stepchange, a charity which helps you manage your finances. There are many people on here who have used them. Please come back and let us know what happens.
IlonaI love skip diving.0 -
What you're describing sounds like domestic abuse (it doesn't need to be physical - making you fear for your son is definitely abusive). Do please contact Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 if you need help on that front.0
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